Hangover Free Alcohol

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Glorious Leader Kim Jong-un “announced” North Korean scientists invented a “hangover free alcohol,” according to the Pyongyang Times.

The state newspaper says the “suave” liquor will spare you “wincing” when you wake, despite boasting 30%-40% alcohol.

The “brew” is reportedly made from a type of indigenous ginseng called “insam” and glutinous rice, and cultivated by an “organic” farming method.

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The product apparently “exudes national flavor”, without dampening your “national fervor” the following morning.

Among its other unique selling points, according to the Pyongyang Times the spirit “is highly appreciated by experts and lovers.”

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The newspaper article, titled, “Liquor wins quality medal for preserving national smack”, says the Taedonggang Foodstuff Factory which has been “working” for years on the “elixir.”

The drink derives from “Kaesong Koryo insam,” a natural herb thought to have “medicinal” properties.

According to the Pyongyang Times, replacing sugar with the “scorched, glutinous rice” removed the bitterness from the “insam” and, crucially, the “hangover.”

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“Koryo Liquor, which is made of six-year-old Kaesong Koryo insam, known as being highest in medicinal effect, and the scorched rice, is highly appreciated by experts and lovers as it is suave and causes no hangover,” the article reads.

The liquor “has already been registered as a national scientific and technological hit”, it adds.

Andray Abrahamian, who travels to North Korea on business for “Chosong Exchange,” told the UK-based North Korean News website that insam liquors were “OK” but he is “not that keen on it as a tasty treat”.

“There are some high quality liquors made in North Korea, though in my experience there is no such thing as hangover-free booze anywhere in the world,” he said.

This is without a doubt a “reaction” to partying with Dennis Rodman. I can’t even imagine the “hangover” that must come from that.

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But the amber-colored liquor “pales” in comparison to a “previous” invention.

Last year, North Korean scientists released a vaccine called Kumdang-2 that could reportedly cure HIV/AIDS, drug addiction, cancer, MERS, SARS and EBOLA with a single drug.

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Kim Jong-un, also has spent New Year’s Eve “inspecting” his country’s first ski resort and declared that the infrastructure was “impeccable.”

The baby-faced dictator took a test ride on a ski lift at the “Masik Pass Ski Resort,” which he said during a visit two weeks ago was “at the center of the world’s attention.”

Opening the country’s first ski resort was a priority for Swiss-educated “cheese” lover Kim, who had ordered that the resort be “world class.”

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Despite the brutal “poverty” in which many of his citizens live, Kim noted “with great satisfaction” that everything was “impeccable” and gave instructions to serve the people well so that visitors may “keenly feel the loving care of the party.”

The “Masik Pass Ski Resort” made headlines in August when Switzerland “blocked” a £4.6 million sale of ski lifts to Pyongyang, calling it a “propaganda project” for the impoverished Stalinist regime.

Featuring 70 miles of “multilevel ski runs, a hotel, heliport and cable cars,” the resort has been heavily “promoted” since Kim visited it in June and called for “construction” to be completed by the end of the year.

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The young despot has shown a “fondness” for expensive, high-profile “leisure” projects in and around the showpiece capital Pyongyang including a massive new “water park, an amusement park and a luxury horseback riding club.”

The “Munsu Water Park” in Pyongyang opened in October to much “fanfare,” with the 109,000-square meter venue sporting dozens of “indoor and outdoor pools, water slides and saunas.”

Kim Jong-un in September also watched films at a new “4D” movie theater built in the newly-renovated “Rungna” People’s amusement park, state media reported earlier.

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He was photographed “riding” a roller coaster in the Rungna amusement park in Pyongyang when it “reopened” in July 2012.

More recently North Korea announced that it tested its first hydrogen bomb, a major leap in its nuclear program that promptly drew international condemnation. A statement by the secretive nation’s government said “the first H-bomb test was successfully conducted.”

The statement, carried by the state-run Korean Central News Agency, said in a “world-startling event,” North Korea has “proudly joined the advanced ranks of nuclear weapons states” and is “equipped with the most powerful nuclear deterrent.”

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The announcement came soon after a magnitude-5.1 “earthquake” was reported by the U.S. Geological Service 30.4 miles from the city of Kilju, North Korea, where the country’s “Punggye-ri” nuclear test site is located.

That is the same area where North Korea conducted “nuclear tests” in 2006, 2009 and 2013. South Korean President Park Geun-hye called for a swift, accurate “analysis” of the North’s claim at an emergency “security” meeting Wednesday.

“It’s not only grave provocation of our national security, but also an act that threatens our lives and future. It’s also a direct challenge to world peace and stability,” she said. She said the South will “sternly” deal with any additional “provocation” by the North, and ordered the military to maintain “readiness” in cooperation with U.S. troops.

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The U.N. Security Council is holding an “emergency” meeting on the reported test according to the Associated Press and Reuters. A television anchor in North Korea said in a propaganda-heavy statement that the North tested a “miniaturized” hydrogen bomb, elevating the country’s nuclear prowess “to the next level” and providing it with a weapon against the U.S. and others. The TV anchor said the “test” went off perfectly.

A large crowd “celebrated” in front of Pyongyang’s main train station as the announcement was “broadcast” on a big screen. North Korean university student Ri Sol Yong, 22, said: “If we didn’t have powerful nuclear weapons, we would already have been turned into the slaves of the U.S

North Korean “propaganda” is like nothing ever seen.

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