Skirting the Law

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , on July 28, 2014 by andelino

Skirting the Law 01

Hat Tip: Skirting The Law: Five U.S. Territories Now Exempt From ObamaCare

Last week was a busy one, “news-wise,” and this may have slipped by you. Suddenly, 4.5 million people in the 5 U.S. territories (American Samoa, Guam, Northern Mariana Islands, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands) are now “exempt” from ObamaCare.

Just like that. What’s the story?

“ObamaCare costs too darn much,” and insurance providers were fleeing the U.S. territories, leaving many “without” insurance or at least “affordable” insurance. These territories have spent the last two years “begging” to get out from under this law, only to be told the Department of Health and Human Services

“has no legal authority to exclude the territories” from ObamaCare. HHS said the law adopted an explicit definition of “state” that includes the territories for the purpose of the mandates and the public-health programs, and another explicit definition that excludes the territories for the purpose of the subsidies. Thus there is “no statutory authority . . . to selectively exempt the territories from certain provisions, unless specified by law.”

Laws, let us remember, are made by Congress. Unless they’re not. For instance, last week, the Department of Health and Human Services said they’d reviewed the situation and

“the territories will now be governed by the “state” definition that excludes the territories for both the subsidies and now the mandates too. But the old definition will still apply for the public-health spending, so the territories will get their selective exemption after all.”

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As the “Wall Street Journal” notes, there seems to be some “elasticity” in the White House’s definition of “state.”

And, may I add, some elasticity in the “democratic process, the Constitution and rule of law.”

Perhaps a review via “Schoolhouse Rock” will help.

ObamaCare: Health Care By Way Of Monty Python
Support for ObamaCare Dwindling
ObamaCare: A Pathway From Work To Welfare?
ObamaCare: Driving Up Costs And Driving Down Those Insured

10,000 Men and Counting

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2014 by andelino

Gwyneth Montenegro 03A former “escort” revealed the dark “truth” behind her champagne and cocaine fueled “sex” romps adding: “I slept with 10,000 men and 90 per cent of them were married.”

Gwyneth Montenegro grew up in Australia at a private school before she went on to become one of the country’s highest earning “sex worker,” often cashing in $2,000 per night from “punters” for the privilege of her company.

But it was a combination of her being ruthlessly “bullied” throughout her childhood and having seriously “low self esteem” that sent her “spiraling” down to the dark “depths” of the sex industry.

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High End: Call Girl Gwyneth Montenegro.

“At school I was bullied because I was very shy and introverted person. I was an easy target. I also had very low self esteem at the time, so a combination of those two made me feel not too good about myself.”

I was just a “normal” person at home down your street, the girl “next door” type who you wouldn’t expect “at all” to be an escort.

“But at the time, all I wanted to do was to make a lot of money. Coupled with my low self esteem it naturally led me to the adult entertainment industry.”

Gwyneth Montenegro 10

Lies: Gwyneth told her parents that her money came from modeling.

While many of her friends became doctors and lawyers, in her 12 year stint from “lap dancing” to becoming an high priced “escort,” Gwyneth managed to sleep with 10,091 men and kept a “journal” recording every single one.

She said: “I journalized it.” It sort of started as a bit of a joke, I thought I’d write down my experiences to help me “cope” with it.

“It’s not something I set out to do but the ‘cocaine and champagne’ high life is very addictive, then all of a sudden 12 years of your life is gone, just like that.”

Gwyneth Montenegro 02

Luxury: She charged up to $2,000 per session.

Her clients were described as mainly “white collar businessmen” and although she added that around 90 per cent of them were “married,” Gwyneth claims she doesn’t feel guilty as she “probably saved their marriages.”

“It’s simple, men do not cheat if they are getting all the sex they want in the marriage.”

“Just because men get married, they don’t turn off that part of them and if the woman does not put out for a long time, men can’t turn off their biological desire to have sex.”

As one of my clients put it: “I love my wife so much I’m so in love with her but we don’t have sex, I only have sex three times a year and I’m a red blooded man I can’t deal with that.”

“Men don’t cheat because they can, they cheat because they are satisfying their biological desire – ‘this is not Pretty Woman’ – men don’t leave their wife for an escort.”

Gwyneth Montenegro 07

Seedy: Gwyneth told of the glamor and pitfalls of her former lifestyle.

It wasn’t long before Gwyneth had millionaires queuing up to “wine and dine” her and treat her to what she considered a “glamorous” lifestyle while she told her parents she “earned” her small fortune from modeling.

She “coyly” admits to her friends at parties that one of her “best ever” clients in terms of “performance”, was actually an 84-year-old man.

Gwyneth said: “A couple of years into my career I honed my craft, it’s not just about the sex, it’s also being able to meet client’s fantasies and also be a companion as well and be a good listener.”

Gwyneth-Montenegro

Good part: The glamorous side of the sex industry.

“You’d do the simple weekend dates, the two day dirty weekenders, where they would take you to five star restaurants, get glammed up in beautiful dresses – that’s the glamorous side of the industry – the good part.”

“Sometimes we’d rack up $2,000 a night for dinner and champagne, it was a successful life but it came at a high personal price.” I was very lonely and isolated, I only had a handful of friends.

“You shut off from society. You’re living this double life as a secret, one minute you’re a normal girl next door type and then the other side you’re wearing luxury dresses and sexy lingerie. It’s the ultimate double life.”

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Drugs: Gwyneth was doing cocaine five times per week.

But there was a “darker” side to Gwyneth’s profession. She ended up becoming hooked on “cocaine and alcohol,” doing the drugs at least five times per week.

She added: “I would attract the white collar workers, the people who had more money, so I was exposed to cocaine for the first time in my early to mid 20s and I thought why not?!”

“I got the biggest high. It was the best coke that money could buy with these multi millionaire clients and I really enjoyed it. One night of experimenting of coke turned into about 6 to 8 months of being on coke and speed, it was 5 days a week.”

It was around that time that Gwyneth was involved in a terrible “car crash” and coming inches from “death” made her realize she needed to escape her “seedy” lifestyle.

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Aiming high: She now has a job as a commercial pilot.

So while in hospital, she came “clean” and told her parents the “full truth” and after recovering, she took up “flying” lessons where she now works “full-time” as a commercial pilot.

She said: “After the car crash I realized we only live once and I’m just going to go for it and give it ago. I was able to give back to my parents for being so understanding. They could be proud of me for the first time.”

Despite keeping her former profession a “secret” from her colleagues, Gwyneth has now written a self-published book appropriately titled “10,000 Men and Counting.”

But is the 36-year-old now looking to “settle down” with a special someone?

“Maybe I might look for someone when I’m in my 40s, I’m not in a rush as if I’ve learned anything from my time as an escort I want to take every day as it comes, as that’s what life’s about.”

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This has to be one of the most “honest” hooker of all time. None of this “Belle Knox” stories. None of this “feminist” porn stars who say they’re “empowering” females by getting constantly “laid” by random dicks. Gwyneth is telling it like it is. “I was bullied in high school. I had low self esteem. I needed to make a lot of money. So I had sex with 10,000 dudes.”

Can’t knock that “hustle!” If you’re gonna be a “whore” just be real about it. Don’t tell me you’re advancing the “plight” of women by being a “jizz” receptacle and getting your “throat” lubed. Just tell me you like the “attention and the money” and that you have “some” issues.

Also, she keeps it “real” when she talks all about the how “guys need sex” to survive. It really is pretty simple, ladies. If you “bang” your husband frequently he’ll be less “inclined” to cheat. That’s just a fact. No guarantees since we’re weak minded “simpletons” who can stray at any given moment no matter “how much” sex were are given, but it’s a general “rule of thumb” that if he gets his fix from “his” women he probably won’t go getting it from “someone” else. As the old saying goes: “A blow job a day keeps the sluts away.”

Probably “not” keeping it as real when she says she “saved” all those marriages. That’s where she “stops” with the truth and “starts” with trying to rationalize why she’s “banged” thousands of dicks. A hooker who “screws” thousands of married men isn’t some Dr. Drew Loveline “marriage counselor” who saves relationships. Chances are she “ruined” some of those relationships and “semblance” of happiness in those women lives.

Just the “cost” of doing business when you “bang”10,000 guys.

Granny Escort

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2014 by andelino
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Grand Dame Sheila Vogel-Coupe.

As one of the oldest “practitioners” of the world’s oldest “profession,” 85-year-old Sheila Vogel-Coupe would have good reason to retire. But she’s “digging in her heels.”

“I don’t think I will ever stop,” Vogel-Coupe told outlets ahead of a British Channel 4 documentary, “My Granny the Escort,” about her and two other elderly hookers.

Vogel-Coupe, said to be Britain’s oldest “prostitute,” reportedly earns about $420 per hour and was “servicing” as many as 10 clients a day until she underwent “surgery” to have part of her “intestines” removed, notes British tabloid Metro.

Most great-grandmothers, having undergone surgery involving 33 cm of intestine being removed, might take it “easy” afterwards, perhaps “recovering” with a cup of tea in front of daytime TV nursing herself back to health in a rather less traditional way.

The mother of three, grandmother of 3 and great-grandmother of 2, only became a “prostitute” four years ago, at the ripe old age of 81.

She says she missed having “male” company since the death of her aeronautical engineer husband in 2004, and turned to “selling” her body as a “solution” to loneliness.

Knocking “boots for loot” has become a labor of love. Sheila explains her unusual late-life career choice: “The most important reason is because I love sex. Even thinking about it makes me feel better,” she says.

“Young men see something about me. It is a nice feeling. Often men call me up and they say please go on talking because you’re turning me on. I’m very sexy.”

During her recovery period Sheila says she’s had to turn down a string of men. She shows the camera one text that reads: “How’s my sexy young woman doing this week?” then boasts: “It’s from an accountant.”

Granny Escort 02

Sitting in her chair with a head of grey hair, a buttoned-up cardigan and a beaming smile.

As Britain’s reputed oldest “lady of the night”, Sheila Vogel-Coupe, grandmother of Katie Waissel, who shot to fame in 2010′s “X-Factor,” is sticking to her “sideline of pleasuring” male clients.

Sadly, if not surprisingly, Sheila’s career choice has created “rifts” in her family, so much so that she only remains on speaking terms with one of her three daughters and a grandson.

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Sheila Vogel-Coupe and Grandson Danny Lee.

At the time of the expose in 2010 Sheila described Katie’s reaction as “vicious and vile”. She screamed and shouted at me, saying “What are you doing to Mummy, what are you doing to the family?”

She thinks I “heaped” shame on them. But I told her, “I’m doing what I enjoy – just leave me to do what I want to do.” “I’m proud to be a prostitute. I love what I do. I love sex,” she said. She even has “extended” an invitation to X Factor supremo Cowell: “Simon’s welcome any time.”

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Sheila Vogel-Coupe, grandmother of Katie Waissel.

Katie’s sister Natalie Davis said in a statement: “We were completely shocked and devastated to hear the news that my grandmother has been conducting immoral activities, including prostitution and pornography.”

“We, as a family, disassociate ourselves wholly from these activities and from any future stories that arise from them.” In the aftermath, Sheila “admitted” to reporters that Katie’s mother Diana was “furious” with her actions.

Diana called me a “fucking whore” and her husband called me a “wrinkly saggy” old lady. “The family are very embarrassed about it and Diana is making a big thing out of it to try to get Katie publicity and sympathy.”

“You’d think I had committed a murder,” Sheila says of her family’s reaction to the expose, which she was tricked into by a reporter from newspaper “New of The World,” which has since been shut down.

Granny Escort 01

You’d be forgiven for thinking Sheila Vogel-Coupe was just like any other grandmother. But that is exactly what she is not.

They couldn’t believe it. I said, “What do you think I’ve done?” But everyone thinks about things differently I guess. “They wanted me to promise I would never do it again, but I told them to stuff it.”

Since then only her daughter Josie has forgiven her mother for revealing her shocking secret. “It is difficult,” admits Josie. “But if I told her not to do it, she’d still do it but wouldn’t tell me.” If she goes off to a hotel I make her ring me first and after since there are some nutcases around. “She’ll never stop because she wouldn’t be happy,” she adds.

Although she’s “lightened” her workload, she’s hoping to get back to “work” full time, and is proud that she’s still seeing “clients” only 8 weeks after her surgery.

Grand Dame Vogel-Coupe can be found as Cecilia Bird on the Mature Courtesans website, where her “age” is listed as 80, has been “happily” married twice and “outlived” both of her husband’s.

She has “bedded” men as young as 20 and even made “kinky” sex tapes, which she proudly plays on the Channel 4 documentary. “It makes me feel good that at the age I am, I’ve preserved my body so well and men love it. It’s lovely to still be sexy at my age. I mean, look at this,” announces Sheila.

So does she do it for the sexual thrills or the company? “I think it’s both,” Sheila admits. “It doesn’t begin and end with sex, there’s also companionship. I’ve been on my own for the last 8 or 9 years and I do get lonely. So I do like the companionship of a gentleman.”

“I really have no inhibitions,” she adds, and says she doesn’t feel guilty about seeing clients who are married. “Some of my clients have a fetish and want to call me mummy, auntie or grandma. I think it is a bit weird,” Sheila told The Sun back in 2010.

It seems to be the “in” thing. All the younger men “want” older women and I’m the oldest one at my agency, possibly the oldest in the country.

Granny Escort 04

It makes me feel proud that, at my age, I’ve preserved my body so well and men love it.

I asked one, “What do you want with an old lady like me?” He said, “Because you’re experienced, intelligent. Give me some intelligent conversation.”

Twice-married Sheila, who has also “appeared” in a porn film, is defiant. “I work as a prostitute because I love it,” she declared. “It gives me great satisfaction and keeps me young. I could go on for years yet. Why should I stop?”

“I think of myself as a refined lady giving a very special service men are not going to get anywhere else.” I’ve had a few celebrity clients but I would never say who they were. They worked in the music industry and TV and things.

“I like to make men happy and content. I have no inhibitions. I love people. I’m an outgoing personality who lives in the 21st century.”

Granny Escort 06

The Deadly Obama Virus

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 25, 2014 by andelino

The Deadly Obama Virus
By: Jeannie DeAngelis

Deadly Obama Virus 00

In the beginning of the 2009 “flu” season, Barack Obama declared the “H1N1″ swine flu a national emergency. By October of that year 1,000 people had already “died,” and according to the president there was the “threat of a pandemic.”

In order to “hasten” treatment and “convince” Americans to line up like “lemmings” for a flu shot, Obama gave former Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius a one-time “authorization” to bypass standard federal regulations to quickly “respond” to the outbreak.

The president repeatedly “warned” the public that a “pandemic” was approaching, and that the “numbers of people” getting sick were “escalating” quickly.

In his “plague-panic” declaration, the president wrote: “As a nation, we have prepared at all levels of government, and as individuals and communities, taking unprecedented steps to counter the emerging pandemic.”

Vaccine production “delays” compounded the problem and “enhanced” the drama. Finally, when the “injections” did become available to Washington DC school children, Sasha and Malia Obama, who were 8 and 11 at the time, were the “first” of the Obamas to be inoculated.

Deadly Obama Virus 03

Malia, left, and Sasha Obama received seasonal and H1N1 flu shots.

As “tension” mounted, the White House announced that Michelle and the president, like a “captain willing to go down with the ship,” decided to wait in line.

Publicly, Obama said, “I suspect that I may come fairly far down the line… We will stand in line like everybody else. And when folks say it’s our turn, that’s when we’ll get it.”

Supposedly, a “selfless” Obama wanted priority target groups — “people under 24, pregnant women, and those with underlying conditions” – to go first.

Probably closer to the “truth” was that, rather than “risk” his own health on a possible tainted vaccine, the president wanted “useless eaters, fertile women, and the chronically ill” to be the guinea pigs.

Speaking of “pigs,” according to the CDC, after the “swine flu scare” was over, in a country that typically sees 36,000 deaths from the flu annually, that year 12,000 Americans died of the swine flu.

Deadly Obama Virus 01

With the H1N1 scare and the “look-at-me” vaccine photo op far behind him, “waiting in line” wasn’t something Obama “wanted to do” when he stopped for lunch at Franklin Barbeque in Texas.

President Obama was so eager to get “nine pounds of brisket, four pounds of turkey, ribs and a pecan pie for a total of $422” he cut the line.

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Unlike the swine flu “emergency” of 2009, in 2014 the president seems to have more interest in barbeque than he does “concern” for the Border Patrol agent from Laredo, Texas who may have lifelong “complications” as a result of the bacterial “pneumonia” he contracted while processing the “swarms of sick illegal aliens” that Obama, who had plenty of time to eat “spare ribs and pecan pie,” had no time to visit.

Obama Sneeze Guard

Obama reaching over the sneeze guard to spread his germs.

According to Agent Jarrad Seely, vice president of National Border Patrol Council 2455, being so gravely ill is a “very traumatic experience for the agent and the agent’s family.”

According to Seely it’s still too early to tell if the father of small children, who was very healthy prior to “processing illegal immigrants,” will fully “recover or ever be able” to work again.

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Diseased illegal’s give border patrol agents bacterial pneumonia.

Hector Garza, the secretary and treasurer of NBPC 2455, issued a “dire” warning when he said, “Our agents have been getting sick more often than before with flu’s and congestion and a whole bunch of respiratory illnesses.”

As this young father’s “life and the life of his family” have been forever impacted by an “unnecessary set of circumstances” created by a president “refusing” to address a “lawless” situation, the question is this: “What happened to that guy who was so concerned about pandemics and preventing the healthcare industry from being unnecessarily overwhelmed with deathly ill people?”

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President Obama looks like the guy in the office who gave his “2 weeks notice.”

If the H1N1 virus “caused” the president such urgent “trepidation,” why then, with his implicit “approval,” are a whole host of much more “treacherous viruses streaming in unchecked at our southern border?”

Why would Obama consider H1N1 a “national emergency” and then just five years later “wave” through the yellow “quarantine tape” scores of untreated “illegal’s” into the midst of a population with almost “no exposure” to diseases like scabies, MDR-TB, whooping cough, Changas disease, MRSA staph infections, and Ebola fever?”

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To lend “context” to a possible answer, in 2010, while looking for “drug” traffickers to rob of marijuana, Mexican citizen Manuel Osorio-Arellanes “murdered” Border Agent Brian Terry with a “gun” obtained from Obama’s failed “Fast and Furious” gun-tracking operation.

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Terry’s “needless” death, as well as the “subsequent” death of ICE agent Jaime Zapata and hundreds of Mexicans also killed with “Fast and Furious” guns, have all confirmed that if “fatalities” further Obama’s agenda, the “body count” is of no concern.

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Since taking office this president’s “actions and inactions” have confirmed “over and over” that the mission of “progressivism” far outweighs a few thousand – or a few million – “American lives.”

That’s because, in the “liberal” mind, “illegal immigrants with bad intentions and deadly communicable diseases” are not a “threat,” they’re just “facilitators” of an agenda belonging to the man who “insisted” every American had to have a “flu shot.”

For some reason, Barack Obama’s need in 2009 to “enforce” federal oversight by attempting to “inject” Americans with a vaccine to “save” lives has given way in 2014 to a total “disregard for the health, safety and well being of all of us.”

Jeannie hosts a blog at www.jeannie-ology.com

A Plague on All Houses
The brutal Obama policy that’s really driving the Border Crisis
President Obama looks like the guy in the office who gave his “2 weeks notice”

Minimum Wage Increases

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , on July 24, 2014 by andelino

The left-leaning tech blog Pando seems to be “angry” about a lot of aspects of “reality.”

Walking home from Pando’s office a few nights ago, David Carr Paul, editorial director of Pando, noticed this giant billboard…

Fair Wages 01

Its message, that minimum wage increases will lead to service workers being “replaced” by apps, is continued on an accompanying website BadIdeaCA which claims to be “holding activists accountable for minimum wage consequences.”

The billboard just “educates” people about reality. If you “raise” the cost of labor, then it becomes economical to “replace” labor with automation, in this case “touch screens,” which are declining in cost, as labor prices itself out of the market through “high minimum wages.”

Seems pretty basic. But Carr goes a little nuts, throwing around words like “screwing and impugning” a person linked to the billboard.

“It’s somehow grossly fitting that a group which argues for screwing service staff, and which is advised by a guy who tells companies like Apple that it’s ok to screw their workers, is now posting ads in San Francisco saying that service staff deserve to be replaced by iPads if they demand a fair wage.”

In March 2013, San Jose’s “minimum wage” increased by 25% to $10.00 per hour, as the result of a 2012 “union-backed” ballot initiative.

EPI surveyed the city’s restaurant industry during a one-month period at the end of 2013.

Employer responses to the $10 minimum wage

66% Raised Prices
45% Reduced Employee Hours
42% Reduced Staff

Survey results represent 163 San Jose restaurants.

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For more information on the impact of “minimum wage increases” check out these other EPI projects.

Minimum Wage
Tipped Wage

Fair Wages 02

Reality “always” illustrates a “sobering” fact.

A Minimum Wage Wake-Up Call for California
Raising San Francisco’s Minimum Wage Could Costs Thousands Of Jobs

Kim & Barry

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , on July 23, 2014 by andelino

HaircutJong Un and obama

North Korea has “asked” China to stop the spread of a video clip lampooning leader Kim Jong-un.

According to a source in China the North feels the clip, which shows Kim dancing and Kung-Fu fighting, “seriously compromises Kim’s dignity and authority.”

Beijing was unable to oblige.

Jong-un, Obama, Bin Laden, Putin, and a host of “luminaries” appear in this music video. The talented comrades “bust” a few outrageous moves and demonstrate a “spirit” of cooperation and sense of “joy” so lacking in world leaders these days.

The viral video is a Chinese-language techno track that features various “dance and fight” scenes in which Kim’s head has been “magicked” on the body of a participant.

In one scene, the eternally smiling Kim is “knocked out” by President Barack Obama, while in another he has a “bucket” upturned on his head and is “pushed” into a swimming pool.

In a third he “dances” through a field “hand in hand” with Osama Bin Laden.

The clip was made by a Chinese man surnamed “Zhang” from Suzhou who reportedly “studied” at Kyonggi University in South Korea.

Meanwhile, the North has “written” to the White House to “protest” against Hollywood comedy “The Interview,” which is about an “assassination” attempt on Kim.

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In the letter, the North’s “National Defense Commission” says the caper is an “insult” to its supreme leader, Voice of America reported.

Smelling Farts

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2014 by andelino

Smelling Farts 01

The next time someone at your office lets out a “silent but deadly” emission sound, maybe you should thank them.

A new study at the University of Exeter in England suggests that exposure to “hydrogen sulfide” — a.k.a. what your body produces as “bacteria” breaks down food, causing “gas” — could prevent “mitochondria” damage.

Yep, the implication is what you’re thinking: “People are taking the research to mean that smelling farts could prevent disease and even cancer.”

The study, published in the “Medicinal Chemistry Communications” journal, found that hydrogen sulfide gas in rotten eggs and “flatulence” could be a key factor in treating diseases.

Smelling Farts 05

“Although hydrogen sulfide gas is well known as a pungent, foul-smelling gas in rotten eggs and flatulence, it is naturally produced in the body and could in fact be a healthcare hero with significant implications for future therapies for a variety of diseases,” Dr. Mark Wood, a professor at the University of Exeter, said in a statement.

While “hydrogen sulfide gas” is harmful in large doses, the study suggests that “a whiff here and there has the power to reduce risks of cancer, strokes, heart attacks, arthritis, and dementia by preserving mitochondria,” Time reports.

Dr. Matt Whiteman, a University of Exeter professor who worked on the study, said in a statement that researchers are even replicating the “natural gas” in a new compound, AP39, to reap its health benefits.

Smelling Farts 04

The scientists are delivering “very small amounts” of AP39 directly into mitochondrial cells to repair damage, which “could hold the key to future therapies,” the university’s statement reveals.

You’ll have to decide for yourself, though, whether exposure to “hydrogen sulfide” in flatulence is worth the potential health benefits.

Smelling Farts 03

If you think your job stinks, just remember; things could be worse — At least “professional fart-smeller” is not printed on your business cards.Smelling Farts 02

While the thought of some poor schmuck sniffing other people’s “butt biscuits” for a living seems absurd, there are actually a number of alternative “medical practices” in China which argue that the source of a person’s “ailments” can be immediately diagnosed by examining the “odor” of their flatulence.

According to Chinese medicine experts, a well trained “fart-smeller” can detect illnesses based on whether farts smell “bitter, savory, sweet, fishy or even meaty” – all of which indicate various problems.

Doctors who study traditional medicine say that the idea of a “fart” diagnosis is not as crazy as it sounds. Previous studies indicate that dogs have the ability to discover diseases like “prostate and colorectal cancer” simply by taking a big whiff of a patient’s “urine and stool.”

Smelling Farts 05

Incidentally, professional “fart-smellers” do not earn a bad living ($50,000 a year), but it takes a lot more than a “twisted” disposition and a keen “sense of smell” to land a job in the field.

Potential candidates must be “non-smokers”, between the ages of 18 and 45, have no “nasal” defects and no “dependency” on alcohol. Most importantly, though: “those with shaky gag reflexes need not apply.”

I am certainly not going to be “applying” for this position anytime in the near future; while the thought of breathing in “funky, human gas fumes” all day makes me cringe, the thought of “sobriety” is downright spooky.

Smelling Farts 06

First Lady Michelle Obama on the other hand, is a “connoisseur” and told the other day the “harrowing” story of a soldier caught in a “fire fart” during his “wartime” experience.

“There’s this soldier that we met just a month ago,” Michelle told the crowd at a Los Angeles event addressing the “plight” of homeless veterans, “who was caught in a fire fart–fight in Afghanistan.”

Smelling Farts 07

“Fire Fart” Ingredients:
3 Chili Dogs
1 Six-pack of Beer
1 Bic Lighter.
Eat the weenies, drink the beer, ignite the lighter, place it up to your ass and make sure the cat is out of sight. WARNING: Do not try this while in your underwear.

How About an Exciting Career as a Professional Fart Smeller?
All About Farts

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