Archive for zombies

Cotard Syndrome

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on November 12, 2015 by andelino

Cotard Syndrome 01

There is a new “rights movement” creeping up on you, or at least there should be by the standards of today’s “postmodern” liberal society: the zombie rights movement.

If you thought “zombies” were an improbable facet of Haitian “voodoo” beliefs, or the flesh-eating “ghouls” invented forty year ago by George Romero, think again.

Zombies are real, or at least people who “really, truly, honestly” believe that they are “zombies” are real. Just as there are “men” who “really, truly, honestly” believe that they are “women,” and vice versa.

In fact, the “mental disorder” even has a name, Cotard Syndrome.

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Like “transsexualism,” it affects only a “tiny” proportion of society, but that doesn’t mean the folks who “suffer” from it ought not have their “delusion” indulged.

In fact, it should be a “matter of right.”

Similar to transsexuals, “zombies” suffer from a kind of psychological body “dysmorphia.” Where a “transsexual” believes he should have a “vagina” where his penis is, a zombie believes that his “flesh” is dead.

Where a transsexual man wants to dress like a “woman,” a zombie wants to dress for his “funeral.”

Where a transsexual “man” believes he ought to be allowed to shower with “women,” a zombie believes he doesn’t need to “shower,” since he is “dead.”

I am not making “any” of this up.

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Flesh eating Zombie.

In fact, “Cotard Syndrome” sufferers have been known to “starve” themselves to death, since, of course, the dead don’t “eat,” or at least they didn’t until George Romero “invented” zombies that wanted to consume “human” flesh.

Still, from my “limited” research on the topic, I have not come across any incidents where a “Cotard” sufferer actually tried to “consume” a fellow human being, though I suppose that “is” a possibility.

The larger “point” is why these zombies are not being “indulged and granted” the same rights transsexuals “assert,” and have largely “won,” such as serving in the military.

Transsexuals also suffer from a “body dysmorphia” they are evidently helpless to control, and the government has decided to “normalize” this syndrome and essentially make society “conform” to transsexual delusions.

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A Transsexual “Zombie” Man.

Why should Cotard “sufferers” be treated any differently? Granted, giving zombies “equal” rights would present some “conundrums,” but so does “indulging” transsexuals.

For example, would a “Cotard” sufferer fail an Army physical? There are “two” ways to look at it. Since the applicant believes he is “dead,” and to be an active-duty soldier you need to be “alive,” at least until the enemy “kills” you, indulging the “zombie” means failing him.

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But presumably, since we have an “all-volunteer” army, a zombie will want to “pass,” so we should let him “join” up.

Unless, of course, we “reinstitute” a draft, in which case we might “face” a wave of Cotard “sufferers” certain that they are already “dead,” and so “ineligible” for military service.

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Imagine “MASH 2025,” Corporal Klinger no longer wears a “dress” but pretends to be a “zombie.”

Kind of makes your “head” spin. Well, nobody said “living” in a postmodern liberal “paradise” would be easy.

No seriously, I’m dead.
Living With Being Dead
Disturbing Disorders: Cotard’s Delusion

 

Archie Dies

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on April 23, 2014 by andelino

Archie Andrews Dies 00Archie Andrews, the comic world’s “good-hearted small-town hero,” will sacrifice his own life to “save” a friend at the conclusion of the series “Life with Archie.”

The shocking news about the “iconic” pop culture character was announced by “Archie Comics” publisher Jon Goldwater.

Archie will die in July’s “Life with Archie #36,” a forthcoming issue of the “flash-forward” series is exploring the “character’s life” after high school and college.

“We’ve been building up to this moment since we launched ‘Life with Archie’ five years ago and knew that any book that was telling the story of Archie’s life as an adult had to also show his “final moment,” Goldwater said in a statement.

“This story is going to inspire a wide range of reactions because we all feel so close to Archie. Fans will laugh, cry, jump off the edge of their seats and hopefully understand why this comic will go down as one of the most important moments in Archie’s entire history. It’s the biggest story we’ve ever done, and we’re supremely proud of it.”

Amazing! Such “stunning” realization that one’s “death” is the most important “moment” in one’s life!

This is going to have people lining up at the “ObamaCare” extermination camps in droves!

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The subsequent issue (#37) will “jump” forward a year and look at how the rest of the Riverdale crew — “including his love interests Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge, best friend Jughead Jones and friend/nemesis Reggie Mantle” — dealt with his death.

In recent years, Archie Comics has branched out into more “contemporary” story lines, including those involving its first “gay” characters, and nontraditional “spinoff” series.

For instance, the publisher teamed up with TV’s high school music show “Glee” for a crossover project, called on “controversial” Girls creator Lena Dunham to pen a four-issue story and waded into the “horror comic genre” with the series “Afterlife with Archie,” which features the Riverdale gang encountering things like “zombies, other undead creatures and magical incantations.”

Well, Archie hasn’t been the same since Veronica and Betty found out they were “gay and got married” and Jughead “converted” to Islam.

It breaks my “heart” to learn that Archie, the “freckle-faced” teenager who has graced comic books since 1941, is “going to die.”

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At last, he no “longer” has to suffer “interracial and gay” relationships.

Brain Dead Zombies

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , on April 1, 2014 by andelino

Brain Dead Zombies 02Yeah, that sounds about right: College Students in D.C. can’t name a single Senator.

Students at the American University in Washington, D.C., our nation’s capital and the center of American “political activity and bustle”, can’t name a single one of the 100 U.S. senators.

Dan Joseph, a correspondent for MRCTV, interviewed students at the American University campus and challenged them to answer incredibly “simple” questions about politics and government.

Not only were the students “unable” to name U.S. senators, they didn’t even know how many senators from “each state” comprise the Senate and some of them were studying “political” science!

When asked if they could name a “SINGLE U.S.” senator, the students blanked. Also, very few knew that each state has two senators. The guesses were all over the map, with some crediting each state with five, twelve, thirteen senators.

“Um, this is sad, I’m in a politics course,” said one female student, who couldn’t provide an answer. “Oh, not a very good one,” replied Joseph.

Eventual suggestions were “John Ryan/Rarez,” and “Bernie Frank,” neither of which are actual people, let alone U.S. senators. “I’m not big into the whole… America thing,” said another student.

So, when it comes to politics, these “walking zombies” at American University are ignorant illiterates” but passed with flying colors when it comes to “pop culture.”

Almost everyone MRCTV interviewed was able name the Academy Award winner for Best Original Song: “Let It Go” from the movie “Frozen.”

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This annoys the hell out of me.

What was most “depressing” was the girl who said she tried to “stay out” of Politics. Ignorant voters like her are “common thieves” because they “steal” the votes of the “informed.”

These “students” will be graduating with tens of thousands of dollars of “debt,” and absolutely no practical “skills” to show for it.

With fewer and fewer exceptions a modern “four year degree” from most American universities isn’t “worth the paper” it’s printed on.

America is in for a “rude” awakening when the remaining “baby boomers” in the workforce retire.

There won’t be any “qualified” workers to replace them, unless we “import” them from India or China where students are actually taught “useable” skills.

And if you think it’s “bad” now just wait until the first crop of “common core” students hit the universities. They probably won’t even know “how to speak” English.

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It should be “mandatory” for voters to have a basic “political literacy” tests before registering to vote to eliminate the “ignorant” from controlling the destiny of those who care.

These “ignorant voters” will be running this country in a few years, if Obama leaves them a country to run.

Scared isn’t it!

What this says about American “democracy” is anyone’s guess.

I’m seriously ready for the “zombie apocalypse.”

Brain Dead Zombies 01

Default Apocalypse

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , on October 18, 2013 by andelino

Default Apocalypse 00A Survival Guide To The Debt Ceiling Default Apocalypse

America may be on the verge of a default on its national debt.

There is no “good” reason for this default which could easily be “avoided” by the “insane lunatics” in Washington DC.

So what should we do, in the meantime, to prepare ourselves?

It’s a good question!

Right now, U.S. Treasury bonds are an important benchmark in the global economy.

Trillions of dollars of transactions depend on the security of these bonds.

The very definition of financial risk in much of the world is predicated on the notion that America will never, ever default on its debt.

Experts expect major bank failures, a collapse of various normally safe mutual funds and general chaos if the U.S. defaults.

At home, we would see an immediate government shutdown on steroids, as services go offline and the Treasury Department attempts to juggle the chainsaws as best it can to postpone the most dire effects of a default scenario.

President Barack Obama has a few “weird” options he can exercise as well.

A slew of legal scholars believe Obama can unilaterally raise the debt ceiling based upon the 14th Amendment of the Constitution, which states that “the validity of the public debt … shall not be questioned.”

Fans of quirky monetary tricks note that the president could also mint a trillion-dollar platinum coin, deposit it at the Federal Reserve, and keep the lights on indefinitely.

Obama, has, in the past, rejected both of these ideas, but if the debt ceiling calamity looks inevitable, he may have to revisit them.

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Nevertheless, the hour of debt ceiling darkness is drawing near.

Soon the government runs out of extraordinary measures and the state will begin failing to make good on its obligations.

Absent a congressional debt ceiling hike or Obama debt ceiling magic, the U.S. will be missing bond payments by the end of the month, plunging the world into turmoil and chaos.

How will you survive this new world order?

Well, you probably won’t.

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But here’s how to give yourself a “fighting” chance.

First, allow yourself to panic: Panic is inevitable, so just get on with it as quickly as possible. Let it wash over you. Cleanse yourself in its heat. Let the panic burn away all thoughts of the luxuries you once savored as a member of 21st century human civilization. Allow the fear to clarify things for you. Allow yourself to be reborn, as a person capable of things you wouldn’t have ordinarily thought yourself to be capable of. Bloody things. Once past your now outdated moral and ethical considerations, you are ready to begin.

You will probably want to heavily arm yourself: Those that already have done so will have a huge leg up in this department, so act fast and acquire sufficient armaments, and be prepared to use them. Alternatively, you can seek out the toughest, most heavily armed person you know and pledge your servitude to that person. You will want to make a very simple, very cogent case about what you have to offer this person in exchange for protection. Bear in mind that if you are a “political blogger,” there is probably no place for you in this new society. You should ask for the end to come quickly and painlessly.

If you work at a Medieval Times restaurant, you already have a bit of an advantage in navigating what our new feudal society is going to be like. And sadly, those weird Cross fit people are probably going to rise in the ranks fairly quickly.

Acquire the means to start fires as quickly as possible: Mankind has been taking its ability to just start fires at will for granted. After the default apocalypse, it’s going to get very hard. You should probably spend a sizable amount of your time over the next few weeks learning how to set fires without our modern means of doing so. Barring that, stockpile as many fire-starting implements as you can.

Cigarettes are a better hedge against the dollar than gold: Have you been buying gold? Wow, that was a big mistake! You are not really going to be able to buy anything with a commodity devoid of practical utility. It’s possible you might be able to trade gold for your life, if you are up against a particularly stupid warlord distracted by shiny objects. The new medium of exchange in the default apocalypse will probably look a lot like the one currently used in prisons, so consider cigarettes default swaps.

Carve a hole in the bottom of your mattress: Staying rested is essential and sleeping on the pile of cigarettes you horde before the crash can be rough. Smokes aren’t as comfy as a tempurpedic pillows, but they’re easy to hide from roving bandits when stuffed with care into a dug-out crater under your mattress.

Find a sturdy, non-rusty garbage can: You will probably need this to start fires in. Also, you can roll your junk around inside it.

Train and befriend a wolf: They will prove to be helpful companions and able watchdogs when society turns on itself. And chances are, an enormous amount of societal status will accrue to someone who can command the wolves at will.

Train and befriend a carrier pigeon: This is how you will “GChat” after the default crisis.

Befriend Liam Neeson if you can: Speaking of wolves, did you know that 80 percent of the movie “Into The Grey,” starring Liam Neeson, is actually just found footage from his real life, spent surviving arctic conditions and killing wolves with his bare hands? It’s true. Pledging your servitude to Neeson would be a really good move right now, especially if you find yourself having to face down the “Wolf Lord” clan for survival.

Get as many canned goods as possible: Food supplies won’t be immediately depleted. But they can’t be trusted. With food inspectors already furloughed and international trade likely to slow, expect a disruption in your normal diet. And prepare for the inevitable hunger pains. You’ll want to avoid tuna fish, because no one is coming to treat you for the mercury poisoning you develop after you’ve eaten a bunch of not-checked-by-food-inspectors tins of tuna. Also, while beans are hearty, you probably don’t want to stumble into your life in this new society with a reputation for flatulence.

Do you know how to farm anything? See, this is one of those skills with which you can bargain for protection. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to know how to hunt, either. Or to field dress a wild animal. Fishing is also a worthwhile skill to have. Basically, you’ll be spending your life growing and gathering food for your clan, so it would help if you actually enjoyed doing this stuff, too.

Buy survival seeds: As the Survival Seed Bank website notes, you can plant a “full acre crisis garden!” But you’d better do this within the protective barriers that your post-default liege erects to protect his holdings.

Buy fake survival seeds: You can give these to the guy who will try and steal your survivor seeds.

What to do about books? This is a judgment call. You probably won’t have much time to read that new Dave Eggers book, and carrying around a bunch of non-essential stuff is a no-go. Still it would be useful to help keep Western Civilization alive in some fashion. And everyone knows that Liam Neeson likes a good night read while being tucked into bed. Perhaps you can convince your liege to erect his fortifications around a library? You can argue that the library contains useful guides to basic latrine engineering and animal husbandry. Plus, in a pinch, you can burn the Twilight series — and any other “tween paranormal romance” novels — for warmth.

Duct tape is helpful: Seriously, duct tape is one of mankind’s most amazing creations, with more uses than you can even fathom. Stock up right this minute, if only to wrap around your hands for use as an alternative to the gloves that will be stolen from you.

Make sure you have a good pair of shoes: You’ll be moving around a lot, so make sure your shoes are sturdy and comfortable and solid in all sorts of extreme conditions. Think in terms of a good pair of Carhartt work boots — kick those Kenneth Coles to the curb. This is the post-default hells cape, not a fashion show.

Finally, leave that acoustic guitar at home: No one wants to hear your singer-songwriter bullshit right now.

Enjoy the “Default Apocalypse!”

Default Apocalypse 01

16 Ways Default Will Totally Screw Americans

 

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