Archive for warm beer

Up For Whatever

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2015 by andelino

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“No” means “up for whatever,” according to the latest “Bud Light” slogan.

That’s the “tagline” printed on a Bud Light bottle and photographed by a sharp-eyed Reddit user. Since then it’s ignited a “flurry of criticism” on social media, where people are saying that the slogan promotes “rape culture.”

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“The perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary for the night #UpForWhatever.”

The “removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary” tagline is one of many slogans Bud Light has printed on bottles as part of their “#UpForWhatever” campaign.

The campaign has landed the company in “hot” water once before, when the brand sent out a “tweet” letting followers know that you can “pinch people who aren’t #UpForWhatever.”

After this incident, it’s frankly “dumbfounding” that the latest tagline made it through “countless levels of review” and ended up on a beer bottle, especially given the close “links” between alcohol consumption and sexual assault.

“At least half of sexual assaults involve the consumption of alcohol” by either the perpetrator, victim, or both, according to the National Institutes of Health.

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That makes “alcohol,” by far, the most common “date rape” drug.

A 2004 Harvard study, for instance, found that colleges with higher “binge” drinking rates have more “sexual assaults,” and that nearly three-quarters of college “rape” victims reported being “drunk” when they were attacked.

“The perfect beer for removing ‘no’ from your vocabulary for the night.” It sounds worse and worse the more you think about it. But somebody at Budweiser “thought” about it an awful lot, and “decided” to stick it on a bottle anyway.

Understandably, Anheuser-Busch “InBev” has pulled this marketing slogan. In a recent statement, Alexander Lambrecht, Vice-President for Bud Light of Anheuser-Busch, said, “It’s clear that this message missed the mark, and we regret it. We would never condone disrespectful or irresponsible behavior.”

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What were these women “haters” thinking to come up with a slogan that “defames” women, “reinforces” the patriarchy, “promotes” Rape Culture and is generally “insidious?”

Why aren’t these “beer” capitalists thinking about “rape” as much as feminists do? Why aren’t they in line with the current “truth” about the “Rape Culture?”

It doesn’t matter how many people actually do use beer to “lower their inhibitions” before sex, or for many other activities in general. It doesn’t matter that “rape” isn’t mentioned or any specific activity for that matter.

According to feminist “No means no” campaigns the connotation with “rape” is established. No further evidence is necessary.

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It doesn’t even matter if the evidence used to support the idea of Rape Culture can be proven false. Due to the glory of unductive logic the evidence must be “false” if the narrative is “true and correct.”

In accordance with current doctrine on “Rape Culture” as evidenced by Emma Watson’s “HeForMe” campaign, only men rape and are responsible for all rape.

This is clearly not enough to assuage any “guilt,” much more must be done to show faith and penance in the “War against Women.”

Large monetary donations are in order. Possible recipients would be Emma Watson’s (worth US $60 million) HeForMe campaign, the Clinton Foundation, and/or Al Gore’s carbon footprint.

Some male “chauvinistic” pigs have the gall to say that sometimes “men” are also raped and that plenty of women raping men, children, or other women, too.

It is against the current “truth” to read any reports or research that show most rapes are committed by a small number of repeat offenders.

Once all men are “taught” not to rape, the “Rape Culture and Patriarchy” that feeds off of it will finally “die” off.

For further guidance on how to “debate and reason” with feminists, here are some “compelling” video lessons from Big Red:

As to the subject matter, the soundtrack for “#UpForWhatever” should be the unforgettable song “Warm Beer, Cold Women” by Tom Waits.

In case you can’t “understand” Tom, here are the lyrics…

warm beer and cold women, I just don’t fit in
every joint I stumbled into tonight
that’s just how it’s been
all these double knit strangers with
gin and vermouth and recycled stories
in the naugahyde booths

with the platinum blondes
and tobacco brunettes
I’ll be drinkin’ to forget you
lite another cigarette
and the band’s playin’ something
by Tammy Wynette
and the drinks are on me tonight

all my conversations I’ll just be
talkin’ about you baby
borin’ some sailor as I try to get through
I just want him to listen
that’s all you have to do
he said I’m better off without you
till I showed him my tattoo

now the moon’s rising
ain’t got no time to lose
time to get down to drinking
tell the band to play the blues
drink’s are on me, I’ll buy another round
at the last ditch attempt saloon

warm beer and cold women, I just don’t fit in
every joint I stumbled into tonight
that’s just how it’s been
all these double knit strangers with
gin and vermouth and recycled stories
in the naugahyde booths

with the platinum blondes
and tobacco brunettes
I’ll be drinking to forget you
lite another cigarette
and the band’s playing somethin’
by Johnnie Barnett
and the drinks are on me tonight.

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