Archive for sex

Gay Sex in Prison

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , on July 10, 2017 by andelino

In case you didn’t know, Boosie BadAzz has spent quite a bit of time behind bars. During his time in a cell, the Baton Rouge, LA bred “rapper” probably experienced quite a few things he “never” would have in any other circumstances.

Apparently one of those things was seeing a “sexual encounter between two men.”

“I remember when I was down in Angola Prison I walked in on a nigga riding a nigga dick from the back,” Boosie recounts in the video.

“That nigga had a nigga ankles riding that bitch from the back, man. I ain’t know about the Coke can in the shower, you heard me? A nigga ain’t even tell me. I walked straight in, six in the morning—nigga riding that dick. I said I want to go home, man.”

From there, Boosie went on to call one of the men involved in the sex act a “nasty muthafucker” before continuing to call them sick. “Nasty ass nigga. Same nigga walking around that bitch talking about you a gangsta. Bitch you a punk. Bitch you gay. These niggas like asshole man, forreal.”

Boosie says a “bit more” but, you get the idea. While it’s probably not “too great” to walk in on anyone having sex, Boosie appears particularly “disgusted” with what he saw in jail.

If you’ve been following Boosie “long” enough, you already knew he has quite a “few” opinions about “homosexual” relationships.

Last summer, the rapper explained his belief that TV was forcing children into homosexuality.

This past March, Boosie BadAzz “bashed” Disney for showing two gay characters kissing.

Barstool Sports Comments…

Two things first. I didn’t know “Lil Boosie” changed his name to “Boosie BadAzz.” That’s a significant change. You can’t go from prefix “Lil” to suffix “BadAzz,” it’s too severe. You gotta just drop the Lil. Bow Wow didn’t go from “Lil Bow Wow” to “Bow Wow I’m A Fucking Savage Woof Woof,” he just went to Bow Wow. Gotta ease folks into that because I thought Boosie BadAzz was a completely different person.

Second, I’m gonna ignore the pretty blatant “homophobia” and just focus on the funny parts of this. Because that recounting of catching dudes “banging” in the showers had me in “tears,” man. I’m telling you, actual tears “streaming” down my face. If you’re not in a similar “fit of laughter” then we would absolutely “never get along,” under any circumstance.

I don’t even know what the “funniest” part is and it’s only like three sentences, that’s how funny it is. But the “imagery” of Boosie walking into a shower, “bright eyes and bushy tailed,” ready to start the jail day, and seeing a dude “twerk” on a dick is uproarious. The fact that he didn’t know “shower sex” in jail was a thing is hysterical. The idea that it wasn’t the “solitude, or the lack of friends, or the lack of connection” to the outside world that made him not “want” to be in jail, it was the dude “sex” is just amazing.

Picturing Lil Boosie, of “Wipe Me Down” fame, have that “I’ve made a huge mistake” look wash over his face because he saw a “dude working a dick” is the absolute funniest thing I’ve ever imagined. It’s just “funny,” folks. It is.

I mean how did the guy not know “Coke can in the shower” was a thing? Had he never “read” a newspaper or “seen” a TV show or “heard” any prison rumor ever? That’s like the “only” thing I know about jail and I’m a “white” dude from the suburbs: “People have sex in the showers.”

That last line, too. My goodness is that comedy gold. “The niggas like asshole man, forreal.” As if he’s trying to “convince” the listener, “Dudes screw each other! No, no, no I’m serious. Like they fuck. They honestly do it. In the asshole.” I’m telling you, if you can “read” this stuff without “tears” in your eyes there’s something “wrong” with you. Granted, there’s a “difference” between “knowing” dudes fuck and “seeing” dudes fuck, but Boosie “legit” sounds like an adult man who went to “jail” to get a middle school “biology” lesson.

Yeah, “Boosie BadAzz”, it’s called “gay sex in prison.”

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No Appetite For Sex

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2017 by andelino

Bruce Jenner “reveals” in his upcoming “memoirs” that he may never be “intimate with women again,” but might be “open to a male companion.”

“I don’t have the appetite for sex, which is why the public’s obsession over whether I would get gender confirmation surgery is annoying to me,” writes the 67-year-old “clueless rich white transgender” in the book “The Secrets of My Life,” which will be “released” later this month.

“It hearkens back to this misperception that people transition because of their sexual desires.”

“A future female companion? I think about that. A future female sexual companion? Not happening, at least for now, and perhaps not ever,” he wrote in a section of the book completed prior to his “gender confirmation surgery.”

“A future male sexual companion? I have never had the inclination. But maybe that attitude might possibly change when I have the final surgery.”

So I guess there are “two main takeaways” here:

1) Somewhere between the book being written and excerpts leaking, Bruce did get the “Final Surgery” to give him lady bits.

2) Despite all the magazine covers and garish outfits and fancy makeovers, Bruce still doesn’t fully know what it’s like to be a woman who’s interested in men.

Here’s a “quote” he gave People talking about “getting” the gender reassignment surgery:

“Transitioning is about nothing else but your soul. You are no more a woman the day after the surgery than the day before, okay?”

Sure, “inside” he’s always been the woman his “outside” now reflects.

But I would “argue” you’re not truly “living” the full experience as a woman by “filleting your penis into a vagina” until you get that “first dick” in there.

I’m sure Bruce was satisfied with his “femininity” after the original surgeries and transitioning, but getting that new “vagina and not getting a dick” in there is like spending years “waiting” to get a Ferrari and not ever “taking” it out of the garage.

How much of “womanhood” is tied up in “sex” with men?

Sarah Jessica Parker weaponized women’s “love for a dick” as an expression of “womanhood” in a TV show for a decade.

You go to brunch next to a “table of ladies” and you know what they’re talking about? “Sex.” It’s part of what it “means to be a woman in 2017.”

“No appetite for it”? Screw that. You’ve come this far, you “owe” it to yourself to “cross” the finish line.

“Little dicks, big dicks, Asian dicks, black dicks, dicks dressed like Mr. Peanut, whatever kind of dick you can conjure up in your imagination deserves a stopover on Bruce’s journey of self-exploration. No half measures, no half-inchers.”

I can’t wait for Bruce “telling” the world how it “felt the first time he had intercourse and lost his virginity in the deflowering process.”

What a “confused” individual.

Kendall Jenner “seems” to follow the “footsteps” of her Dad.


Jenner Feels ‘Liberated’ after Sex Reassignment Surgery
Jenner is done with women but will consider sex with men
It’s Finally The End For Jenner
Criticizing Jenner doesn’t mean you’re transphobic.

Incestuous Julia Ioffe

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on January 4, 2017 by andelino

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Quite possibly the most idiotic, straight-up vulgar “tweets of the year” comes straight from “foul mouthed” Jew Julia Ioffe who thinks “incest” is the norm for women.

Former contributing writer for “Politico Magazine” who will be joining “The Atlantic” as a reporter in January, “suggested” on Twitter that President-elect Donald Trump is “having sex with his daughter Ivanka.”

She then said, “I take back what I said about Ivanka and just let her father, our president, speak for me.”

This tweet included a “video” of Trump saying, “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter perhaps I would be dating her.”

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Ioffe subsequently tweeted, “We have a president-elect who popularized ‘saying what everyone is thinking,’ but I guess my phrasing should’ve been more delicate.”

The original tweet was in “response” to an article published by the political website “The Hill” indicating that Ivanka Trump might get the “office” in the White House that is usually “reserved” for the first lady.

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Trump’s wife, Melania, has said she will “remain” in New York so as not to “pull” the couple’s 10-year-old son “out of school.”

Ioffe was previously in the news for a “tiff” with Melania Trump. The Politico writer “faced” a barrage of “anti-Semitic” tweets in April after posting a “negative” profile of Melania.

The incoming first lady “responded” to the incident by saying Ioffe could have “provoked” the tweets.

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It seems that even for “fake news” publications such as Politico, “suggesting” that the President-elect of the United States is involved in an “incestuous relationship with his own daughter” was a step too far.

Politico “released” a statement and “fired” Ioffe. Of course, that didn’t “mean much” since she was leaving for “The Atlantic” anyway as a foreign policy and U.S. politics reporter.

Welcoming her with open arms, the “fake news” Atlantic tweeted that Ioffe made a mistake, “which she regrets and for which she publicly apologized,” but was confident she would “adhere to the magazine’s sleazy standards when she joins in January.“

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Filthy “Kike” Ioffe made herself irrelevant.

Ioffe offered this “fake” apology: “I do regret my phrasing and apologize for it. It was a crass joke that I genuinely regret. It was a tasteless, offensive tweet that I regret and have deleted. I am truly and deeply sorry. It won’t happen again. Good night. Tomorrow will be worse.”

Julia’s “vicious and defamatory” tweet about President-elect Donald Trump and his lovely, smart and successful daughter Ivanka Trump is “beyond foul.”

One thing that 2016 has sure taught us: “The Left is going above and beyond in exposing just how twisted they are. And when they are bitter, the nasty reaches epic levels.”

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Donald Trump will rely on daughter Ivanka to take over Melania’s First lady duties for the first six months of his presidency.

Ioffe is totally “unqualified” to be an objective journalist. “Her anti-Trump bias is so strong that she cannot control herself at all.”

The only people to “deride” women sexually because of political “differences”are feminists. Amazing how “low” they can sink! “Reducing women to the sum of their girly bits.”

There must be something “obscene and nefarious” going on. If that isn’t “misogynistic and anti-woman,” then I don’t know “what” is.

I wonder what the left’s “response” would have been if the roles were “reversed” and it was Obama and his daugthers as “opposed” to Donald and Ivanka?

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Those same “journalists” would be “rushing to arms” to execute whomever would dare “utter” such nonsense. But, because it’s Donald and Ivanka…“all the more reason why progressive liberals are public enemy no. 1.”

Ioffe’s eye-popping tweets “unleashed” a barrage of responses on Twitter:

I guess it’s neat to have an employer who doesn’t care if you tweet stuff like this?
You must be fired for this tweet.
This is why no one takes the press seriously. It’s because they’re low-life’s like yourself. You’re unfit to have a job anywhere.
Gross. This tweet says more about you than Trump.
Thanks for letting the world know how literally insane our media is.
Thanks for being incapable of filtering your unprofessionalism, makes #FakeNewsers so much easier to spot.
This is completely disgusting and beyond the pale. This type of stuff gives journalism a bad rap.
Wow. Trump’s election has absolutely driven some folks insane. You appear to be one of them.
So are you snorting coke when you write like this or just drunk on your ass?
I like that you assume if Ivanka is getting a nice office she must be having sex with the boss. That’s been your experience?
Modern generation of journalists have little professionalism.
I can’t fathom why nobody listens to you anymore. A complete mystery.
People seem to dislike the media a lot, but dammed if I can figure out why. We may never know.
You’re supposed to be a journalist. Behave like one.
I am flummoxed. The media is unhinged.
How enlightened of you. No way you could be biased at all.
Some things are so stupid, they’re #PoliticoWorthy
You worked for Politico and Foreign Policy mag huh? No wonder people hate the press.

Julia Ioffe is exactly what is wrong with “journalism” today. There is absolutely “no reason” that this shouldn’t “permanently” end her writing career.

Evidently “forgetting” that the Internet is “forever” this should haunt this “repulsive” woman to her “grave.”

Filthy “Kike” Ioffe made herself “irrelevant.”

Fading from “sight” she might pop up writing fake “incest” stories like…“what if Bill Clinton had slept with Chelsea, or Barack slept with Malia and Sasha, or her husband with their own daughter.”

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Nasty, vulgar women, who come from a long line of nasty vulgar women and the badass vulgar men who love them.

That would be a “perfect” fitting end for this “vile and hateful” anti-woman loser.

And the Democrats, the mainstream press and liberal snowflakes “still“ can’t seem to figure out why Donald Trump “won.”

Reporters trump Trump when it comes to being vulgar and incestuous
Trump Gets Sweet Revenge After Journalist Accuses Ivanka Of Obscene Act
Julia Ioffe Target of Anti-Semitism and a Fiery Respond-er

Ideal Dream Job

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , on June 9, 2015 by andelino
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The Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada is one of seven legal brothels owned by Dennis Hof in the state. In total they make up roughly 40% of the brothels in North America.

Do you think you “know” what great sex is and can “write” home about it?

Nevada’s famed “Moonlite Bunny Ranch” brothel is on the prowl for official “quality control testers” who not only “get paid to have sex” with their prostitutes, but also “evaluate” their performance as well.

“I’m looking for someone who’s fun, has some personality and wants to have a good time,” Dennis Hof, whose seven brothels make up 40% of North America’s legal bordellos and starred in the hit HBO series “Cathouse,” told the Daily News.

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The “ideal” candidate must have “stamina” as well, he added.

“Are they going to be able to perform? Because it’s work. Not everyone is a Ron Jeremy,” he said while mentioning the legendary porn star who touts himself as “the Hardest Man in Showbiz.”

Ranch spokesman Marc Medoff also stressed their “secret testers” as needing to be experienced, educated, and “well rounded.”

“Obviously a very young person or a person who has not traveled or been around would not be ideal,” he said. “We want somebody who gives us a true, honest, worldly perspective.”

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Bunny Love, Air force Amy, and Brooke Taylor from the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada strike seductive poses for the lens.

That includes female applicants. “We’d love to have a woman or two,” he said. “Even couples to be honest with you. A lot of our customers are couples.”

As Hof explained, it’s all part of their “goal” of boosting customer “satisfaction” that begins the moment a “client” walks through their door.

“You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression,” he reasoned. “We’ve got criteria on what we want.”

Medoff echoed that sentiment. “We want to know that we’re putting out the best quality product out there,” he said.

Depending on the “right” person, Hof insists the position will be as “good as it may sound.”

“I think it’s a great opportunity for someone who wants to have a good time and make a lot of money and enjoy one of the best products in the world,” he said.

“We’re going to hire about a dozen people and some of them will be full time and some of them will be part time. I’m already getting flooded with applicants.”

Dream Job 06

A woman named “Six Shades” poses for a photo at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.

While “scrolling” through his “inbox,” he read off a couple.

One is from a California man, allegedly already in the “adult” industry, who attached a “professional” photo of himself. Hof described him as a “nice looking guy, dressed in a suit.”

The email informed his “ability to relocate” from California to Nevada “for the right money and full time work,” Hof read.

Another application came from a man who identified himself as an “honorably” discharged soldier living locally.

“I believe this could be the perfect job. Or dream job,” Hof read before pausing to chuckle and chime: “Isn’t that an understatement?”

“I just wanted to get my name to you ASAP because opportunities don’t wait for no one,” the letter continued.

Another email was from a 28-year-old college “graduate” and another from a recent “divorcee” with not only sales and customer experience but “first-hand” experience at the Bunny Ranch.

Dream Job 03

Krissy Summers, who works at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, poses with a copy of Dennis Hof’s new book, “The Art Of The Pimp: A Love Story.”

“What the common thread here is, these aren’t idiots,” Hof — who recently released his book, “The Art Of The Pimp: A Love Story” — summed up the handful of emails which he described as well written and without typos. “I’m really kind of impressed with this.”

Prospective “applicants” can reach out to Hof with their “resumes” at dennis@bunnyranch.com

No “experience” necessary, just lots of “stamina” and decent “writing” skills.

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“Casanova” Bill Clinton would be an excellent “choice” for this job. He has world renowned “expertise” in prostitution sex and articulating “performance” shortcomings.

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The Bunny Ranch was the subject of the hit HBO series “Cathouse.”

Hillary (And Bill) Trilogy

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on April 25, 2015 by andelino

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Victor Thorn’s masterpiece “HILLARY (AND BILL) TRILOGY” is the most comprehensive examination of the Clintons ever compiled!

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In addition to naming names, dates, times and places, and mapping their meteoric rise to the Oval Office, hard-driving investigative journalist Victor Thorn paints an intimate yet disturbing portrait of this infamous political couple by getting inside their heads, revealing their motives and disclosing their darkest secrets. This is more than just another book on Hillary and Bill.

Quite the contrary. This is the most detailed, referenced book on the shenanigans of both Bill and Hillary. And if you thought you knew Hillary Clinton, you were wrong!

This is a lively and well-written (even riveting) book covering a sordid, but still fascinating record, a dual biography that also serves, uniquely, as a “secret history” of many events of recent times. There’s no question but that this is the only accurate and complete expose of this dangerous team.

Referenced with nearly 1,400 footnotes, a complete index, and a bibliography with over 200 sources, HILLARY (AND BILL) is the best all-around reference source on Hillary (and Bill) today. And remember: it’s just the first in an exciting trilogy.

Soft Cover, 334 pages

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In Part Two of the Clinton Trilogy, some of the most damning examples ever put into print of the U.S. government’s crimes and corruption are exposed in glaring detail. Beginning with the Clinton family’s long-standing ties to the notorious Dixie Mafia, this book illustrates how billions of dollars of cocaine, cash and weapons passed through Mena, Arkansas during the 1980s, with the full knowledge of Bill and Hillary, to finance the illegal war in Nicaragua. (Tons of this CIA-imported coke help fuel the cocaine epidemic of the 1980s)

In short, Bill and Hillary’s Arkansas became nothing less than a narco-republic, with little banks near Mena laundering more money than the big banks in New York City. As this thoroughly-sourced tale unfolds, the reader encounters a sordid cast of characters including George Bush the Elder (who ran the operation from the office of the VP in D.C.), Oliver North, Manuel Noriega, Webster Hubbell, Barry Seal, Dan Lasater and the Stephens Brothers.

In addition, an undeniable amount of evidence proves that nearly every one of Bill Clinton’s gubernatorial campaigns, including his 1992 presidential bid, was substantially financed with cocaine money. The author also includes a wealth of information on the larger implications of Whitewater, the BCCI banking scandal, Travelgate, Filegate and novice stock investor Hillary Clinton’s infamous, and mind-boggling, windfall profits derived from trading cattle futures. Also, how the Clintons continually escaped paying for their crimes by firing every U.S. attorney in D.C. and appointing friends (many corrupt) as judges.

Soft Cover, 310 pages

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Is the Clinton “Body Count” Real?

This question has plagued the former first couple for nearly 20 years, and has become such an integral part of popular culture that Hillary has been forced to sarcastically refer to it in press conferences. “Some people even say we’re involved in drug dealing and murder.”

Still, is the “Clinton Body Count” real, or simply an urban legend—a product of far-flung conspiracy theory? In Part Three of the Clinton trilogy—The Murder Volume—an overwhelming amount of evidence is provided proving that the 110+ people who’ve died under mysterious circumstances—all tied in some way, shape, or form to the Clintons—far surpasses any chance of it merely being coincidence. The odds of such a phenomenon occurring naturally are, in fact, so miniscule that alternative explanations become necessary.

“The Boys on the Tracks”

Book three of the Clinton trilogy opens with the deaths of Kevin Ives and Don Henry, two teenage boys found dead in rural Arkansas. Known as “The Boys on the Tracks murders,” readers will encounter a grisly world of CIA drug drops, crooked police agencies, notorious coroner Fahmy Malak, and how the legal system protects those who commit murder.

Also, as a subtext to this saga, learn how nepotism and several medical malpractice-related deaths led to a pervasive atmosphere of blackmail, all of which resulted in a Dixie Mafia killing spree during the Clinton governorship. The Boys on the Tracks case will open your eyes to the reality of how cold-blooded killers operate inside an organized crime syndicate.

Other Topics Covered:
True Motive for Waco Holocaust —and the Person Who Ordered the Massacre—Revealed!
Proof Positive Vince Foster Was Murdered; Now See the Killer Revealed for the First Time!
Was Ron Brown Getting Ready to Spill the Beans About Bill & Hillary’s Nefarious Activities?
Was Bill Being Blackmailed And Was Monica Lewinsky Hillary’s Unwitting Pawn?

Soft Cover, 383 pages

All three books sold separately for $30 each plus shipping, now 33% off and free shipping!

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In 2000, Bill and Hillary Clinton owed millions of dollars in legal debt. Since then, they’ve earned over $130 million. Where did the money come from?

Most people assume that the Clintons amassed their wealth through lucrative book deals and high-six figure fees for speaking gigs.

Now, Peter Schweizer shows who is really behind those enormous payments.

In his New York Times bestselling books “Extortion and Throw Them All Out,” Schweizer detailed patterns of official corruption in Washington that led to congressional resignations and new ethics laws.

In “Clinton Cash,” he follows the Clinton money trail, revealing the connection between their personal fortune, their “close personal friends,” the Clinton Foundation, foreign nations, and some of the highest ranks of government.

Schweizer reveals the Clinton’s troubling dealings in Kazakhstan, Colombia, Haiti, and other places at the “wild west” fringe of the global economy.

In this blockbuster exposé, Schweizer merely presents the troubling facts he’s uncovered.

Meticulously researched and scrupulously sourced, filled with headline-making revelations, “Clinton Cash” raises serious questions of judgment, of possible indebtedness to an array of foreign interests, and ultimately, of fitness for high public office.

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Clinton Cash: The Untold Story of How and Why Foreign Governments and Businesses Helped Make Bill and Hillary Rich

Required “reading” before “going” to the polls.

Hillary Clinton NO 2016

Harvard Bans Sex

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2015 by andelino

Harvard banners hang outside Memorial Church on the Harvard

Harvard University has “banned” its faculty members from having sex with undergraduates, revising a conduct policy that school officials decided did not sufficiently recognize the “unequal status” between professors and students.

The change, which was first reported by Bloomberg, came about as part of a “review” of the Ivy League institution’s “Title IX policy” on sexual and gender based “harassment,” according to a statement released to NBC News.

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The statement said the review by the Faculty of Arts and Sciences, which oversees the school’s undergrad programs, found that the “existing language on relationships of unequal status did not explicitly reflect the faculty’s expectations of what constituted an appropriate relationship between undergraduate students and faculty members.”

The new policy amends a “conduct” policy to say that no “Faculty of Arts and Sciences” (FAS) members shall “request or accept sexual favors from, or initiate or engage in a romantic or sexual relationship with, any undergraduate student at Harvard College.”

The policy also says that professors may not have “sexual relations” with graduate students who are under their “academic supervision.”

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Harvard is pulling a typical “squid” Harvard move, banning sex between “consenting” adults.

“Consensual sex” is apparently only allowed in “real” life, not college I guess.

This is a move I’m fully “on board” with. It’s about time the “playing field” got leveled for men. For far too long women have been able to get the “upper” hand on males with their “beauty, boobs and butts.”

While guys were “freebasing” adderall and “cramming” all through the night for tests and finals the chicks were “sleeping” their way to the top of the “grade” charts. Throwing “blowies and handies” all over academia to crush males with their GPA’s.

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And not just with the “male” professors either. Half the women working at universities are either full blown “lesbians” or at least willing to “swing” that way for a bit.

Just complete and utter “unfair” advantage against the male student body.

Kudos to Harvard for finally “standing up” for what’s right. Honestly can’t believe it took them this long and that it was in fact “legal” up until today.

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Imagine being a “C” student there right now who just found out they could have been on their knees “deep throating” for an “A” the past 3 years?

Biggest “shocker” from this whole “ban” is that Arizona State and University of Connecticut put this policy into “effect” as well.

Not the schools I would associate with “making responsible decisions about sex” by any stretch of the imagination.

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Sex with your professor is great if you initiate it … or want revenge

Food or Sex?

Posted in sex with tags , on March 24, 2015 by andelino

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The food we “eat” can affect our “sex” drive in both a “positive and negative” way, so it’s important to choose “wisely” when it comes to getting “turned on” in the bedroom.

While some of these “anti-aphrodisiacs,” which include surprising foods such as broccoli, tofu and oats, are “good” for us in the long run, they are best “not consumed” when you’re hoping to get in the “mood” for love.

“Food can have an incredible impact on our lives, affecting not only our physical health but our emotional well being too,” Elouise Bauskis, nutritionist at NutriCenter claims.

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Sharing a hot dog might seem like a romantic thing to do but it’s not the most conducive to bedroom action.

“Our libido can be affected by a number of outside influences, from stress, tiredness, shift work, financial worries or simply working long hours.”

She continued: “The food we eat can affect our sex drive in both a positive and negative way.”

“Generally fresh foods and a rainbow of fruit and vegetables will help give you the best possible chance of lifting mood and increasing energy levels naturally, which all helps to get us in the mood for love.”

Foods such as “tofu, beans, broccoli and oatmeal” are all very good for you but when it comes to “action under the sheets,” they might not be best consumed.

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Want some bedroom action? Choose wisely as the food we eat can affect our sex drive.

Broccoli contains “sugars” which are similar to the ones in beans – and to “digest” them your body will need to use “methane” releasing bacteria… which are, essentially, “farts.”

As there is nothing more mood-ruining than “flatulence” in the boudoir, it makes sense to abstain from this “cruciferous” vegetable.

And for the very same reason you should avoid “beans.”

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t eat them at all as “broccoli” is rich in vitamins A and K plus are chock-full of minerals such as “magnesium, calcium, manganese, potassium and iron.”

Red meat, like a “rare” steak, is often viewed as a “sexy” food but can sometimes affect people “adversely,” especially if they don’t have a good “digestive” system, making them feel “full and lethargic.”

Elouise Bauskis has identify 15 foods you should “steer” clear of if you’re planning on getting “cozy” under the covers.

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Liquorices has been linked to lower testosterone levels, so it might be best not to have this treat before bed.

1. Black liquorice

Liquorice intake has been linked to “lower” testosterone levels. The stronger the “testosterone,” the stronger the “sexual desire,” for both men and women, so maybe best not to have this as a sweet treat.

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Dairy products can make you feel clogged up and full of mucus.

2. Cheese

Dairy generally is a “libido” killer. For many dairy is “congesting and mucus” producing, so not the ideal way to feel before sex!

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3. Beans

It all depends how you are “digesting” beans. For some they’ll feel full of “energy” after a bean-filled meal, for others they may feel “sluggish” or at worst “bloated” and even an increase in “flatulence,” so best avoided.

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4. Chocolate

Choose your chocolate carefully as not all chocs are bad. Go for “dark” chocolate that contains a minimum of 70 per cent cocoa, as it will be the most “nutritious” way to consume this delicious, “sensual” food!

“Dark chocolate is naturally high in many antioxidants, choose raw for the highest possible levels of naturally occurring nutrients.”

Chocolate is “rich” in L-tryptophan, which is a precursor to serotonin. “When we have good levels of serotonin we feel happier and this decreases our stress levels.”

“Dark chocolate also contains phenylethylamine, which is the same feel good chemical that the body produces during those first moments of falling in love – no wonder we adore it,” Bauskis said.

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Processed foods such as hot dogs are not good for the libido.

5. Hot dogs

The high “saturated” content of hot dogs can clog up the “vaginal and penile” arteries, making this the least “romantic” handheld treat around.

“All processed foods are a no for libido. Hot dogs are a very processed food in an overly processed bun that provides very little nutrition. Think about how you feel eating something like this.”

“You may feel sluggish and low in energy – not good for feeling sexy,” Bauskis commented.

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While they may freshen your breath, the menthol in peppermints has been shown to reduce testosterone levels.

6. Peppermint

The “menthol” in peppermint has been shown to “reduce” testosterone levels, sending your “sex drive” plummeting.

And while “bad breath” is a turn off, definitely do not “chew gum” as chewing brings more air into your system, making you “prone to burp.”

“One of the most well-known herbs, it’s great for the digestive system, but it has negative repercussions on the libido, so avoid.”

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Definitely don’t have anything with tonic in it.

7. Tonic Water

This often contains “quinine” which is used as a flavoring agent in tonic water and some other beverages.

“Quinine has been used as an anti-malarial agent, but it’s been linked to a decrease in sexual function, so avoid before sex,” Bauskis said.

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The trans fats in French fries and chips can impact levels of testosterone in the body.

8. French fries

Again an overly “processed” food, that has a very high “glycaemic” index, meaning that this food releases its “energy” very quickly into our systems

“You may feel initially good on eating them, but pretty soon after, your energy levels will quickly slump, leaving you feeling low,” the nutritionist said.

“Plus you may not feel well if they’ve been cooked in bad quality oil, which may cause you to feel sluggish and even indigestion – all libido killers!”

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Definite No-Nos:

Salt: This can make you retain water and swell if you eat more than your recommended allowance of 6g a day.

Gluten: If sensitive this can lead to bloating, sluggishness and cramps – which you should definitely avoid if you’re looking to get lucky on Valentine’s night.

Trans fats: These are found in products such as margarine and some processed foods like biscuits and cake, and are known for raising cholesterol levels, making you feel unhealthy

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Red meat can energies some people but make others feel lethargic.

9. Red meat

It depends how you feel individually after eating meat. For some, it will “energize” them, providing them with iron, which will increase “oxygenation” throughout the body.

For some people red meat itself may make them feel more “animal.”

For others, if they don’t have good digestive function, or “fire”, then red meat may sit heavily in them, making them feel “lethargic.” So it depends on the individual.

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Tofu is high in phytoestrogens, and can decrease testosterone levels.

10. Tofu

Tofu and soya products contain “phytoestrogens,” and eaten in excess, soy can “decrease” testosterone levels, so steer clear of tofu to keep your “sexual desire” high.

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Provides little “nutritional” value.

11. Canned food

Processed food, suspended in time, there for the long haul, but providing little “nutritional” value, plus energetically “dead” food.

This definitely won’t increase your “vitality,” nor your “sex life!”

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Thirsty? Try not to overindulge in red wine.

12. Red wine

In moderation red wine may increase “blood flow,” whilst relaxing you and “lowering” your inhibitions. But only have it in “small” amounts, as you don’t want to “overdo” it!

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Oatmeal is good for your heart and can lower stress levels but its high fiber content can make you feel gassy.

13. Oatmeal

May be good for you by helping to lower “stress” levels, but aside from keeping you “full” energy-wise, oatmeal won’t directly “increase” your libido.

Plus the “high fiber” content can lead to “gassy” feelings.

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Quick burst and then a slow whimper. Energy drinks may give you an instant boost but it will be short-lived.

14. Energy drinks

These are often full of “sugar” and nasties such as “artificial” colors and flavors. They may give you an instant “energy” lift, which may increase “endurance and stamina,” but this may be short-lived.

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Broccoli causes your body to produce methane gas.

15. Broccoli

While it can produce “gas,” broccoli is a wonderful vegetable that helps the body to naturally “detoxify.”

“Broccoli is rich in phytochemicals such as Sulforaphane and Indole-3-Carbinol which may help to decrease excess estrogen in the body.”

“Eating plenty of broccoli may have a positive effect on prostate health and may help prevent heart disease. A great food to eat to improve your hormonal health overall.”

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Want to get in the “mood?” Start by feeding your “brain” dopamine boosting food.

To “boost” levels it’s essential to eat lots of “proteins,” because these contain “amino acids,” which are converted into “neurotransmitters” in the brain.

Amino acids are found in oily “fish, eggs, beans, peas, milk, wheat germ, beetroot and bananas.”

The production of “dopamine” also relies on “vitamins and minerals,” so make sure you eat plenty of “fresh fruit and vegetables” — watermelon, which contains vitamins A, B6 and C, is a particularly good addition to the diet.

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The following “spices” can also boost “dopamine” levels: “basil, black pepper, cayenne pepper, chilli peppers, cumin, fennel, flax seeds, garlic, ginger, mustard seeds, rosemary, sesame seeds, tarragon and turmeric.”

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