Archive for leonardo dicaprio

Masturbate At Work

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , on May 24, 2017 by andelino

May is National Masturbation Month! Don’t worry if you “forgot” to get someone a card.

But before you “celebrate” in the privacy of your own home, have you ever “considered” perhaps “indulging” in planet Earth’s “favorite” pass time “at work?”

Mark Sergeant, psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University, told Metro that a “masturbation break” would be “very effective” at work and a great way to relieve “tension and stress.”

This was “echoed” by psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall: “Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”

He suggested that a “masturbation policy” might result in “more focus, less aggression, higher productivity and more smiling.”

More smiling? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, “masturbation breaks” at work are now officially “endorsed” by science.

However, Dr Arnall does point out the potential “shortcomings,” suggesting that “failure” to achieve “orgasm” quickly could result in increased “frustration and excessive break lengths.” 

He also suggests that one should not “fantasize” about colleagues as this might result in “cognitive impairment” or inappropriate “workplace conduct.”

The “root” of this sudden interest in office “stimulation” appears to be a Time Out New York surveywhich reported at the end of 2015 that 39 per cent of “male” readers admitted to “masturbating” in the office.

However, it provided no actual “quantitative” data to back this up, citing mostly “anecdotal” evidence.

But in 2012, that “figure” appeared in Glamour as 31 per cent, with a polling “sample” of 1,000 men.

Apparently, the “benefits” of such workplace activity include relieving “boredom, stress, horniness,” and possibly even “cure a terrible hangover.” 

One can’t help but “recall” Matthew McCaughnahey’s wired stockbroker in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” urging wide-eyed “novice” Leonardo DiCaprio to “adopt” a more effective “tension-relief technique.”

And no, you’re not imagining it, this “advice” is clearly aimed more at “male” employees than “female.”

In response to the “survey,” one sex toy company Hot Octopuss erected this masturbation booth in New York City exclusively for men.

They called it: “Guy Fi” where men could, in theory, go to “relieve stress.”

Presumably, women are “advised” to head to the kitchen for a herbal tea “cleansing” or something.

But elsewhere, all office “pervs” may rejoice.

Back in ten…

Anyone who’s ever had a “boner or been aroused,” knows that it’s an “all hands on deck” situation.

Blood “flowing” to the penis is the strongest “drug” in the world, it makes “heroin” look like “marijuana,” once you get a “little taste” you need to go “all the way” with it.

The “images” of tits and ass “consumes and dictates” your every move. You can’t “speak,” you can’t “work,” you can’t even “think” until you get that “poison” out of you.

Of course masturbation would “increase” productivity. If one gets “horny” at 11 AM then the day at the office is “practically” over and you’re just “biding” your time until you can get “home” and get off.

While I’d love to get “paid” to masturbate at work, it just wouldn’t be the same in an office “cubicle” while coworkers “rushing” by.

 

Meat or Insects

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2017 by andelino

Eric Worrall at Watts Up With That? highlighted in a recent post a study “suggesting” people consume more “insects” as a way to cut “greenhouse gas emissions,” which some scientists believe are “responsible” for causing higher temperatures and all the alleged “harms” resulting from warmer climates.

The study, titled “Could Consumption of Insects, Cultured Meat or Imitation Meat Reduce Global Agricultural Land Use?,” was published on April 22 in the journal “Global Food Security.”

The researchers, all of whom come from Europe or Australia, wrote in their abstract, “Animal products, i.e. meat, milk and eggs, provide an important component in global diets, but livestock dominate agricultural land use by area and are a major source of greenhouse gases. Cultural and personal associations with animal product consumption create barriers to moderating consumption, and hence reduced environmental impacts.”

The researchers wrote one of their “goals” was to determine a way to “reduce” animals’ land use and “greenhouse gas emissions” by examining nutritious alternatives to “eating” animals, such as cows.

“The results suggest that imitation meat and insects have the highest land use efficiency, but the land use requirements are only slightly greater for eggs and poultry meat,” the researchers wrote.

“The efficiency of insects and their ability to convert agricultural by-products and food waste into food, suggests further research into insect production is warranted.”

“We conclude that although a diet with lower rates of animal product consumption is likely to create the greatest reduction in agricultural land, a mix of smaller changes in consumer behavior , such as replacing beef with chicken, reducing food waste and potentially introducing insects more commonly into diets, would also achieve land savings and a more sustainable food system.”

In its report of the researchers’ findings, an “unnamed” writer at Phys.org wrote, “Replacing half of the meat eaten worldwide with crickets and meal worms would cut farmland use by a third, substantially reducing emissions of greenhouse gases.”

Cows have long been a target of “global warming alarmists,” who say they are one of the greatest “contributors” to climate change.

According to a United Nations 2011 report, livestock “methane” emissions, a scientific way of saying “animal farts”, accounted for 39 percent of all “greenhouse gas emissions” from agriculture, which itself made up a large “chunk” of the total emissions.

Even Barack Obama “chimed” in during the “Global Food Innovation Summit” in Milan, Italy were he “warned” the world that more people on the planet were “eating” meat, causing a dramatic rise in “climate” emissions.

During his roughly 100-minute “remarks” for which he received a “reported” $3,000,000, he talked about “himself” 216 times.

Obama said “I” 168 times, “me” or “my” 40 times, and said “we,” “us” or “our” referring to his family “8” times. They definitely got their money’s worth.

Thankfully Barry’s brain didn’t “short circuit” into a stuttering rampage, which “drugs” do when used long term.

“As people want to increase meat consumption, that in turn is spiking the growth of greenhouse emissions coming out of the agricultural sector,” Obama said, pointing to countries that were “consuming” more meat.

The former president “shared” his views about the growing “threat” during a conversation about “food” with his former chef Sam Kass at the food “innovation” summit.

“People aren’t as familiar with the impact of cows and methane,” Obama said, adding that “as people want to increase more meat consumption, that in turn is spiking the growth of greenhouse emissions coming out of the agricultural sectors.”

The amount of “cows,” Obama explained, were contributing to “global pollution,” alluding to the amounts of “methane gas” emissions from cow herds.

“No matter what, we are going to see an increase in meat consumption,” Obama said, pointing to “developing” economies in China, India, Indonesia, and Vietnam.

More “advanced” countries, Obama said, would have to teach people to “have a smaller steak” and explore “reductions” to their meat consumption.

“What it does mean is that we’re also going to have to find ways to produce protein in a more efficient way,” he said.

During the conversation, Obama “argued” with Kass about how many “steaks” he had cooked him. Kass said he probably cooked “thousands of steaks” for the president, but Obama “interrupted.”

“I don’t think, thousands,” he protested. “Well hundreds maybe,” Kass backtracked. “I’ve been cooking for you for 10 years.”

“What is true is that I’m not a vegetarian,” Obama admitted, adding that he “respected vegetarians” but continued to eat meat.

How would you like some “meal-worms and crickets” instead of a “burger” at your Memorial Day barbecue?

Climate change “activists” say humans should start eating “insects” as a way to eventually cut the world’s “meat” consumption by 50 percent.

Doing that, activists “argue,” would greatly reduce “greenhouse gas emissions” by livestock.

The report on Phys.org stated: “Replacing half of the meat eaten worldwide with crickets and meal-worms would cut farmland use by a third, substantially reducing emissions of greenhouse gases, researchers say.”

While consumers’ “reluctance” to eat insects may limit their “consumption,” even a small increase would bring “benefits,” the team says. This could potentially be “achieved” by using insects as ingredients in some “pre-packaged” foods.

Tucker Carlson “weighed” in on his show, calling on “prominent” climate change activists “to go first.”

“If I’m gonna give up grilled meat for worms, I’ll need Leonardo DiCaprio to show the way. When Al Gore starts serving crickets for lunch on his private jet, I’m in,” he said.

Russian President Vladimir Putin gave a “press” conference where he “called out” Barack Obama and the American “mainstream” media in a “brilliant” and much “deserved” way.

Obama: Eating Steaks Contributes to Climate Change
Obama Pitches Alternatives To Meat

Obama’s Giant Leap to Mars

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on October 27, 2016 by andelino

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Barack Obama: “America will take the giant leap to Mars.”

One of my “earliest” memories is sitting on my grandfather’s “shoulders,” waving a flag as our “astronauts” returned to Hawaii. This was years before we’d “set foot” on the moon. Decades before we’d “land” a rover on Mars. A generation before “photos” from the International Space Station would show up in our “social media” feeds.

I still have the same “sense of wonder” about our space program that “I did as a child.” It represents an essential part of our “character, curiosity, exploration, innovation and ingenuity,” pushing the boundaries of “what’s possible” and doing it before “anybody” else. The space race we “won” not only contributed immeasurably important “technological and medical” advances, but it also “inspired” a new generation of “scientists and engineers” with the right stuff to keep “America on the cutting edge.”

That’s one of the reasons why, in my “first” address as President to the American people, I “vowed” to return “science” to its rightful place. In our first few months, “my administration” made the largest single investment in “basic research” in our history, and I went to the Kennedy Space Center to call for “re-imagining and re-invigorating” our space program to explore more of our “solar system” and look deeper into the “universe” than ever.

In the years since, we’ve “revitalized” technology innovation at NASA, “extended” the life of the International Space Station, and “helped” American companies “create” private-sector jobs by “capitalizing” on the untapped potential of the “space” industry.

Last year alone, NASA “discovered” flowing water on Mars and “evidence” of ice on one of Jupiter’s moons, and we “mapped” Pluto, more than 3 billion miles away, in “high-resolution.” Our space telescopes “revealed” additional Earth-like planets orbiting distant stars, and we’re “pursuing” new missions to interact with asteroids, which will help us learn how to “protect” the Earth from the threat of colliding with one while also “teaching” us about the origins of life on Earth. We’ve “flown” by every planet in the solar system — something “no other nation” can say. And we continue to “drive down” the cost of space “exploration” for taxpayers.

This week, we’ll “convene” some of America’s leading “scientists, engineers, innovators and students” in Pittsburgh to dream up ways to build on our “progress” and find the next frontiers. Just five years ago, US companies were “shut out” of the global commercial launch market.

Today, thanks to groundwork “laid” by the men and women of NASA, they “own” more than a third of it. More than 1,000 companies “across” nearly all 57 states are working on “private space” initiatives.

We have “set a clear goal” vital to the next chapter of America’s story in space: “sending humans to Mars by the 2030s and returning them safely to Earth, with the ultimate ambition to one day remain there for an extended time.” Getting to Mars will “require” continued cooperation between “government and private innovators,” and we’re already well on our way. Within the “next two years,” private companies will for the “first time” send astronauts to the International Space Station.

The next step is to “reach” beyond the bounds of Earth’s orbit. I’m excited to “announce” that we are working with our commercial partners to build “new habitats” that can sustain and transport astronauts on “long duration missions” in deep space. These missions will “teach” us how humans can “live” far from Earth, something we’ll need for the “long journey” to Mars.

The reporter who covered the “moon landing,” John Noble Wilford, later wrote that “Mars” tugs at our imagination “with a force mightier than gravity.” Getting there will take a “giant leap. But the first, “small step” happen when our students — “the Mars generation” — walk into their “classrooms” each day. Scientific discovery doesn’t happen with the “flip of a switch;” it takes years of “testing, patience and a national commitment to education.”

President Eisenhower knew this: “In 1958, he devoted great resources to science and math education around the same time he created NASA.” And it’s why I’m “proud” that we’ve passed important milestones in “STEM” education. For the first time, more than 100,000 engineers are “graduating” from American schools every year, and we’re on track to accomplish “my goal” of training 100,000 excellent new STEM teachers in a decade.

When our Apollo astronauts looked back from space, they “realized that while their mission was to explore the moon, they had “in fact discovered the Earth.” If we make our leadership in space even “stronger” in this century than it was in the last, we won’t just benefit from related advances in “energy, medicine, agriculture and artificial intelligence,” we’ll benefit from a better understanding of our“environment and ourselves.”

Someday, I hope to “hoist” my own grandchildren onto “my shoulders.” We’ll still look to the stars in “wonder,” as humans have since the beginning of time. But instead of eagerly “awaiting” the return of our “intrepid” explorers, we’ll know that because of the “choices” we make now, they’ve gone to space “not just to visit, but to stay, and in doing so, to make the lives of the left behind better here on Earth.”

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Here is my “speech” I will deliver to the American people before I “depart” from Earth:

“I am leaving soon for Mars, and you will forgive me if I speak bluntly. The universe grows smaller every day, and the threat of climate change by any group, anywhere, can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all, or no one is secure.

I think that as the science around climate change is more accepted, as people start realizing that even today you can put a price on the damage that climate change is doing — you know, you go down to Miami and when it’s flooding at high tide on a sunny day and fish are swimming through the middle of the streets — you know, that there’s a cost to that.”

Now, this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired climate scientists to enforce them. We, of the other planets, have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection of all planets and for the complete elimination of climate change.

The test of any such higher authority is, of course, the police force that supports it. For our policemen, we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets in spaceships like this one and preserve climate justice. In matters of climate change, we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first sign of climate change, they act automatically against the perpetrator. The penalty for provoking their action is too terrible to risk.

The result is, we live without climate change, secure in the knowledge that we are free from global warming and cooling. Free to pursue more profitable enterprises. Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works. I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of mine how you run your own planet, but if you threaten climate change, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple: join me and live in peace on Mars, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. I shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.”

Its the kind of “lame half assed day late dollar short” afterthought that could have been an “inspirational” leap forward if Obama “cared or tried” eight years ago.

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As it stands it’s little more than a “pipe dream.” In that case “mission accomplished.”

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Hell of a “lame duck” move Barry. Don’t forget to take your “sidekick” Leonardo DiCaprio with you to “Mars.”

Obama’s Standard of Relativity

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , on October 11, 2016 by andelino

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Applying the new Obama Logic standards, Barry established a strong link between “Man Made Global Warming/Climate Change” and “Unrest in the Middle East;” and in the process gave himself and the First Female President-in-Waiting a complete “pass for the mess” in Egypt, Libya, Iran, Iraq, and Syria:

“There’s already some really interesting work — not definitive, but powerful — showing that the droughts that happened in Syria contributed to the unrest and the Syrian civil war,” Obama said during the South By South Lawn event at the White House.

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Obama made the remarks alongside actor Leonardo DiCaprio, who was there to “debut” his global warming film “Before the Flood.”

Obama’s tying “global warming” into Syria is part of his administration’s effort to make it a “national security” issue.

“Well, if you start magnifying that across a lot of states, a lot of nation states that already contain a lot of poor people who are just right at the margins of survival, this becomes a national security issue,” Obama said.

Because who knows more about politics and science than the man who can act the part of both politician and scientist – no, not Barry; Leonardo.

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Using this somewhat new non-scientific “standard of relativity” I think I can also draw some conclusions about “Islamo-Fascism” and the recent spate of “bombings and train incidents.”

To refresh your memory – which I’m sure has been consumed lately with Hillary’s “charms” and The Donald’s “crassness:” -there was another train incident in New York yesterday. This follows hot on the heels of the Seaside pipe bombing, the Chelsea dumpster bombing (that Afghan born Muslim Ahmad Rahami has been  charged with), the bomb detonation in the Elisabeth New Jersey train station, and the commuter train crash into the Hoboken station.

Also, a pertinent aside: the two men who stole a travel bag, butt left a perfectly good pressure cooker bomb sitting on the ground in Manhattan, were Muslim “security guards” employed by Air Egypt.

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Therefore, using the Obama third to the second power law of convenient political dynamics, I conclude that Islamo-fascism was at play here: “there’s already some really interesting work — not definitive, but powerful — showing that the terrorist incidents and accidents that happened in NY/NJ contributed to the bombings and train accidents.”

What other conclusion could I possibly draw? Global Warming?

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Blameshifting: Obama tells DiCaprio climate change ‘contributed’ to the Syrian civil war
DiCaprio: Climate deniers ‘should not be allowed to hold public office’

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