Archive for komissar blogunov

Her Body, Her Choice

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on March 23, 2019 by andelino

I took my cat in for an abortion

I just wasn’t ready for kittens. Maybe later when things are better and I’m in the right space for kittens, but not now. Why should my life be disrupted by visits to the vet, shots, getting the little fur-balls spayed and neutered, extra cat litter, and the list just goes on and on. Also, it’s the best thing for Athena, my tabby who has a “right to choose.” I know my cat, and I can tell you she’s not ready for kittens, either. So, we decided it’s off to the vet to have her litter aborted, and it was such a positive experience.

First, the vet took a sonogram of the little kitty fetuses. I still have the picture, and it’s one of my dearest possessions. Also, the vet had a group of interns who had come to see different cat abortion techniques, and I was so proud to do what I could to advance science and the quality of life for felines everywhere. Athena was partially anesthetized and that strong little girl just purred all the way through the procedure.

The first step the vet took was to drain off the amniotic fluid that the kitten fetuses were swimming in. The vet went after the first fetus with a pair of forceps. Since the forceps were sterilized, the procedure was perfectly safe. Well, after a little tugging, first out came a back leg with a tiny tail attached to it. Then after a little more tugging and a few more tries, the vet had all four legs and most of the torso. Finally, the vet found the head of the first kitten and pressed down with the forceps. There was a satisfying popping sensation and a little grey trickle of cat brains ran down the forceps. “Got it!” he said to me with some professional satisfaction. I smiled back warmly at the vet who was doing so much for my Athena.

Next up was the second unborn kitten. The vet showed the interns the still beating heart on the sonogram. “No problem,” he said, we’ll just drive a needle into its heart and inject a little something.” One of the interns looked a little nauseated and asked if that was the same as killing a living kitten. “Goodness, no,” the vet reassured, “we’re inducing an intrauterine demise, so nothing gets killed, and we’re doing it with a sterile needle.” I was so moved with the vet’s compassion, that I could sense tears forming in my eyes. A moment later and the heart was no longer beating, so out came the second kitten which was laid on the table next to the pieces of its litter-mate.

The third kitten was a little more trouble. It looked like it could all come out except for the head, but its legs were moving and causing some inconvenience. But this vet knew his stuff. He quickly bored a tiny hole in the back of kitten number three’s head, inserted a vacuum tube, and had those brains evacuated in no time. No more squirming for that kitty! And once the head had collapsed, it was much easier to extract it.

Something seemed to go wrong with kitten number four. It seemed like Athena had gone into an accidentally induced labor and out popped number four all squirming around with its mouth opening and closing looking for nourishment. “No problem,” said the vet again to the small crowd of interns, “in this case we just submerge the kitten in this bucket filled with a toxic solution.” It took about a minute, maybe less, for the little thing to stop squirming, but it finally got still and ended up on the table with the other three. I was amazed. These vets think of everything.

The vet carefully snipped open the head of number four to retrieve its brain for someone who was coming by later to purchase it. I want a Lamborghini,” he joked, and we all had a good laugh together.

I was so proud of Athena, my brave little tabby trooper, who remained calm through the whole operation. She got an extra bowl of Purina that night.

But as beautiful as this experience was, there are some narrow minded bigots out there who want to pass a law protecting kittens. They want to set the clock backward and make “post-natal cat abortions” a crime. Will you contact your congressman and remind him that your cat has a right to choose?

Anthropomorphizing furry animals is always touching and cute. This story is so inspiring that I’d be surprised if it doesn’t create a following of “pro-choice copycats.”

Komissar Blogunov has clearly spent his youthful days preoccupied with“Milo and Otis!”

In fact, it could be said that his fright from seeing the scene with the nursing kittens is what unconsciously triggered this trip to the “Planned Kittenhood” clinic.

After all, Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said because of the “Climate Change” moon shot we shouldn’t have any more kittens since all living creatures will be dead in “12 years” anyway.

May God has mercy on all of us.

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