Archive for fleshlight

Smartphone Vibrator

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2016 by andelino

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Discover your Smartphone’s “intimate” side and the all-pervasive “technology” that has now “infiltrated” people’s sex lives.

Have you ever thought “I sure wish I could turn my phone into a vibrator”? Now you can.

Unlike other sex toys such as “Lush Vibe” and “Crescendo”, which operate independently from one’s mobile device, the “IZIVIBE” is basically a phone case with a long 100% medical-grade silicone handle, which acts as a “vibrator” when activated by your phone’s vibrations.

The handle, which kind of looks like a “hairbrush,” can also work as a dildo, with or without vibrations, along the entire length of the phone case to get maximum of “pleasure” whether its inside of you or on you.

In addition to its smooth “finish,” the phone case is made from hypoallergenic silicon and is phthalate-free to guaranteed to never “rub” your intimate parts the wrong way.

It features seven different vibration “modes” which can be controlled by the volume buttons or a slider, allowing users to customize their own “intensity” for hands-free play.

It also syncs with the “IZIVIBE Connect” app that lets you use it “remotely” with someone else, so that users can “play solo or together” which is a great way for long distance couples to keep the “spice” in their sex life even when they’re apart.

IZIVIBE claims to be the world’s first “sex” toy that uses a “Smartphone’s” vibration feature to “pleasure” yourself. All you need is the “phone case and the app.”

Product manager Remy Waddle said the “inspiration” behind the phone case was “to imagine an original product, not vulgar, that is simple and effective.”

The product is “not yet available” for purchase. A representative for the company said they hope to “launch” it in June 2016, but neither the “exact date nor price” could be confirmed.

You can learn more about “IZIVIBE” and find out when it will hit stores via its Twitter account.

While you’re waiting for the “IZIVIBE” to be available at your local sex toy shop, here are some other sex toys you can control with your phone.

1. We Vibe 4 Plus connects with your smartphone and can be used in a variety of different ways. Whether it’s with your partner, alone, in conjunction with sex involving more than one body, or masturbation, We Vibe Plus 4 is small, packed with features, and highly customizable. What’s not to love?

2. OhMiBod Blue Motion our Bluetooth enabled massagers maximize your pleasure while delivering the ultimate in discretion. Whether you have a partner in crime or enjoy going solo, the blue Motion products have the power to “tantalize and titillate”—anytime, from anywhere.

How do the OhMiBod Remote App work? A lot like this…

The Blue Motion Nex is a wearable vibrator that, like the We Vibe, gives both you and your partner the power to “turn up the heat” when you’re together or apart using a simple smartphone app.

A cool thing about the app is it also lets you send pictures and record audio while using the wearable and the app, for a sexual experience that truly engages all the senses.

3. Lovense is a pretty, especially for couples, because it’s actually two sex toys. Nora, which is best for people with vaginas, and Max, which is best for people with penises, can both be controlled by smartphone apps and be activated from many miles away. Like the We Vibe 4 Plus, it’s great for long-distance relationships.

It was “only” a matter of time. We all know how much women love taking “selfies” and updating their “Pinterest” boards.

It’s only the logical next step for someone to develop a product that allows them to actually have sex with their phones. All they need now is a “sperm bank” app that adds “semen” to the “equation” and women won’t need “men” anymore.

Periscope should invest in this “smartphone” dildo. Talk about taking “sexting” to an entirely new level. Live POV “feeds” from a gal’s vagina while she’s “masturbating” will make snap chatting some “booby” pics more outdated than “jerking” it to a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

My only question is where is the phone case “Fleshlight?” You know there are a ton of tech “nerds” out there just dying to “screw” their phones for some “jizz.”

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Serious question. At what “point” do women stop having “sex” with men entirely and “switch” 100% over to “sex toys?”

It will happen soon. Men are no “longer” necessary. They don’t even “need” our sperm anymore. They can select a “sperm donor” of their choice, have him “ejaculate” into a cup, “freeze” it and have it “injected” whenever it’s “most” convenient for them.

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Women for sure don’t need us for “sexual pleasure” at this point. They’ve got more toys at their “disposal” than Duncan’s Toy Chest. Every time you “turn” around another sex toy pops up that “spins” them around and make them “cum” like a volcano.

Men can’t “compete” with that. And why would women want to “keep” having sex with us? We are terrible “at it for the most part” and it’s a “laborious” task.

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Here are the “options” currently out there for women:

Option 1: Sex with a real human male. We sweat and breath all over you like an UN-caged animal. We make weird noises. We are very mediocre at the activity. Our bodies are gross and disgusting. Dicks are weird. You’ll cum if you’re lucky. If you’re unlucky you’re pregnant.

Option 2: Sex with any number of sex toys. No sweat or heavy breath that smells like salted meats. No alcohol odor all over you. No weird noises except the hum of the toy. No disgusting body bearing down on you. You’ll cum 15,000 times in 20 minutes. No pregnancy.

It’s a “no-brainer” for ladies. Option 2 makes almost “too much” sense.

And this “cell-phone-turned-vibrator” is yet another “step” in that direction. Orgasms “on the go.” Men will be “obsolete” in the next 10-15 years. Mark it down.

We truly have taken “technology” to new heights. What a “time to be alive.”

Fleshlight LaunchPAD

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , on July 14, 2014 by andelino

Fleshlight 03
Ever get the sense we’re getting “too attached” to technology?

Masturbatory aid purveyor Fleshlight has released the LaunchPAD, an iPad case that allows a man to attach his “Fleshlight” directly to an iPad, so that he can “simulate” sex with whomever — or whatever — is on the screen.

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That’s right. While you’re not busy getting a handy from a robot or practicing oral sex on your laptop, you can now just go ahead and bang your iPad.

The LaunchPAD — which runs $24.95 and does not include an actual “Fleshlight” — was two and a half years in the making, according to Deadspin.

“We gathered a lot of data and people are moving in masses to watching their adult content via mobile devices, so the Fleshlight LaunchPAD is the perfect accessory for men everywhere,” Fleshlight spokesperson Daniel Pacheco told Mashable.

“We’re happy to see that men view this as an outlet of fulfilling their sexual fantasies and men’s pleasure products are getting more widespread acceptance just like women’s sex toys.”

An “ad” for the LaunchPAD garnered hundreds of thousands of views before being removed “because its content violated YouTube’s Terms of Service.”

The NSFW ad, which can still be viewed on Fleshlight’s website, shows a long-distance couple about to engage in some “sexy time” via webcam.

The ad is shot mostly from the “perspective” of the man, who asks his girlfriend to put on some “lingerie” before he straps into the LaunchPAD.

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LaunchPAD costs $25, which is less than the phone strap that secures your tablet to your leg so you can jerk off and watch porn hands-free.

The Phone Strap can be used to…

  • Discreetly watch the game without having to hold or prop up your phone.
  • Keep your phone or mini tablet handy as a “second screen” while watching TV.
  • Video chat with your partner from a more suggestive angle that can show more than your face.

Free your “hands” to use other “Fleshlight” products while enjoying “entertainment” on your device.

The “Fleshlight” LaunchPAD is perfect for “point-of-view” content, long distance “play” with a friend, or enjoying a variety of your favorite “films, clips, and images” while using your “Fleshlight” product.

Its durable, yet flexible material allows you to safely and easily insert, secure, and remove your tablet. Once fitted “snugly” in place, it will maintain its “position during use” while allowing full access to “touch-screen” functionality and exposing the “onboard” controls, like volume and power.

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Align your favorite “Fleshlight or Flight” product and strap it in place with the included neoprene Velcro strap. Enjoy your favorite content or connect with a friend for some “intimate” face time.

Use the rugged “hand grips” on either side of the Fleshlight LaunchPAD and enjoy a completely new perspective. Explore using your “Fleshlight” LaunchPAD in a variety of positions, including keeping the device “stationary” during use – another great way to practice improving your “sexual” stamina!

As with all “Fleshlight” products, don’t forget to use “Fleshlube” water-based lubricant. Once finished, remove your tablet and use “Fleshwash” to clean and disinfect the “Fleshlight” LaunchPAD.

The “Fleshlight” LaunchPAD is “compatible” with the following iPad models:

  • iPad Fourth Generation
  • iPad Third Generation
  • iPad 2

Apple iPad and Fleshlight and Flight products sold separately. “Fleshlight” LaunchPAD is not compatible with iPad Air or iPad First Generation models. iPad is a trademark of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries.

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Get a new “perspective” on your “point of view” and try the new “Fleshlight” LaunchPAD today.

Autoblow 2

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , on June 20, 2014 by andelino

Robo Suck 02Get your wallets out, dudes, because the sex toy that claims it’s “the world’s most realistic robotic oral suck for men” is now available for pre-order.

The legendary device is called the “Autoblow 2.”

Unlike the “Fleshlight,” which is operated by the “up and down” movement of a user’s hand, the “Autoblow 2” operates electronically.

The “Autoblow 2” is exactly the “toy” you’ve been looking for.

If you are like most guys, you “love feeling great” but you always wondered if there was a toy that would “do all of the work” for you and giving you a realistic “sensation” that was closer the real thing.

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The “Autoblow 2” makes that a reality. You just plug it in, lube up, insert your penis, and let the device’s “beaded rings” slide up and down the rubbery sleeve. It’s basically a “robot blow job.”

You control the “speed” of the up and down stroking motion. Built as a “device instead of a toy,” it uses a motor rated to last “more than 500 hours,” a spec that other automatic style “masturbators” can’t touch.

With 3 interchangeable “size of sleeves” the “Autoblow 2” will fit every man perfectly. Just select your “size” below and get ready to “enjoy” yourself! Every pre-sale comes with a “mystery” gift, too!

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Size A: Asian Males, Size B: White Males, Size C: Black Males

The Autoblow 2 is apparently rather revolutionary. “It will be the first electronic stroker who works with 3 sizes of interchangeable sleeves, and the first mechanized male pleasure product built to last for years,” the press release states. “The motor is rated to last over 500 hours, or for 1500 solo experiences.

The product became a reality thanks to Indiegogo, where it set out to raise $45,000, and ended up with $280,247 by the time the month-long “funding” period ended.

Customers who pre-order the Autoblow 2 will pay $129 instead of the “full” retail price, $150. The product “ships” in July.

“I see a future where men own ‘high tech’ masturbation devices that are a normal part of their daily lives,” creator Brian Sloan said in the video below. “The Autoblow 2 is the first step in that direction, and a giant leap towards improving the realism of the male masturbation experience.”

Well, this is “bad news” for ladies of the evening.

No longer a need trying to “talk” to you all night, take you to “fancy” dinners and buy you bottles of “wine and champagne,” then try to “convince” you to sleep with us, cross our fingers and hope “on-the-whim” to get laid.

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No more “nagging and bitching.” The Autoblow 2 just “robotically” sucks your dick. Nonstop electronic “stroking” from “dusk til dawn” if you feel like it.

Combine that with all this new “3D Interactive” porn and “virtual reality” sex going on, actual human “females” are no longer needed.

Quiz Question: What percentage of guys order “Size C” just out of “pride,” then buy another one that “actually” fits? 105%?

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Good to know.

Overheard on the street…

$150? You should just wait and get a used one for less on eBay.
500 hours or 75,000 solo experiences. If it wasn’t so noisy I’d consider mounting one under my desk.
This sounds great until it short circuits and zaps your dick. The good old right/left hand shake doesn’t do that.
I’m afraid some unlucky dude gets a defective unit and his cum shorts it out, electrocuting him and his family/friend find him dead with that thing on his dick. Ouch.

White House Clowns

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on June 18, 2014 by andelino


Hat Tip: “One of the Great Achievements of This Administration”

Back in February 2010, Vice President “Mensa” Joseph Robinette Biden made a very cogent “prediction” about our loss in Iraq.

Here are a couple of old “white” men talking about “brown” people:

“I am very optimistic about Iraq. I think it’s gonna be one of the great achievements of this administration. You’re gonna see 90,000 American troops come marchin’ home by the end of the summer. You’re gonna see a stable government in Iraq that is actually movin’ toward a representative government. I’ve been there 17 times now. I go about every two months, three months. I know every one of the major players in all the segments of that society. It’s impressed me. I’ve been impressed, how they have been deciding to use the political process, rather than guns, to settle their differences.”

Then “Mensa” Joe rode off on a unicorn down the “rainbow” road to Baghdad with his “relief workers” backpack strapped on his shoulders containing a “first aid kit, water filter, emergency rations, broken-in fleshlight, sleeping bag, ground sheet, knife and distress beacon.”

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Meanwhile, not to be outdone by his Vice president, “Mensa” Joe Biden, the president said that the world has never been less “violent” or more “tolerant” than it is right now.

“You guys are fed a lot of cynicism every single day about how nothing works and big institutions stink and government is broken. And so you channel a lot of your passion and energy into various private endeavors. But this country has always been built both through an individual initiative, but also a sense of some common purpose. And if there’s one message I want to deliver to young people like a Tumblr audience is, don’t get cynical. Guard against cynicism. I mean, the truth of the matter is that for all the challenges we face, all the problems that we have, if you had to be — if you had to choose any moment to be born in human history, not knowing what your position was going to be, who you were going to be, you’d choose this time. The world is less violent than it has ever been. It is healthier than it has ever been. It is more tolerant than it has ever been. It is better fed then it’s ever been. It is more educated than it’s ever been.”

What an “idiotic” statement. Does anyone on this planet believe “the people of Iraq, Christians throughout the Middle East, soccer fans in Brazil, people who live on the Russian/Ukrainian border, school girls in Nigeria, Pakistan, or Afghanistan, and that Marine currently in a Mexican jail for taking a wrong turn” might have a tiny quibble with that stupid statement?

As we all know, they are “absolutely” right. Everything they say is “true.” And it’s all “thanks” to the Obama administration.

Good thing we don’t re-elect these two “senile dudes.”

Obama/Biden Think You’re Stupid, that’s Why
First Benghazi whistle-blower emerges

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