Archive for fellatio

Yawning Fellatio

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , on April 4, 2017 by andelino

Corpulent and “filthy” mouth Libtard Amy Schumer “confessed” in a recent interview that she “caught” her boyfriend Ben Hanisch “yawning” while she treated him to a “blow job.”

The 35-year-old and her man found themselves in “hysterics” after he let out a “yawn” during their “fellatio” session.

“I went down on Ben this morning and he yawned. It was an accident, but we were both just dying laughing. I’m happy, but obviously I was like, Fuck you!”

She added: “When I’m down there, if it’s more than a minute, it’s his birthday or something. But this morning it just happened, and then he yawned and it was a great excuse to stop.”

“Hey Amy I think that means you stink at giving blow jobs. Like really stink. Nobody and I mean NOBODY yawns during a blow job. Blow jobs are great. Maybe if you paid less attention to his facial expressions and more attention to sucking that dick he wouldn’t be yawning. Ever think of that? Didn’t think so. Cup the balls. Use both bands. Start spitting. Do something. There is a flip side to this where a guy has to know you cannot, under any circumstances, yawn during a blow job. You gotta push that yawn way down and make sure it has no chance of coming to the surface. Cause now your boyfriend is never ever gonna live this down. For as long as you’re dating this is gonna be a story line. Any time he wants a blow job going forward she’s gonna be like, “Remember that time you yawned?” and it’ll probably lead to their break up if we’re being totally honest. But the main lesson here is that Amy stinks at blow jobs cause it’s almost inconceivable that a guy would yawn while getting his dick sucked. He might never get another blow job again cause of this and that sucks for him.”

Back in 2014, she told Chelsea Handler that dating in New York is “completely” different from dating in Los Angeles.

“In New York I feel like I’ll get auditions to be a romantic lead, and here they’re like, ‘Oh, you’re the fat neighbor getting gastric bypass. I’m like, ‘No, people have actually had sex with me, believe it or not.’”

Fat-ass “loser” Amy Schumer thinks we’re all “stupid.”

She was “pissed” off that Glamour magazine “included” her in a list of “plus size” women “who inspire us”, and “angrily” claimed that she is a only a “size 6-8” in women’s clothing, instead of the “size 12-18” that she is in reality.

Amy apparently doesn’t think that she is “plus sized”, but she must either be “blind,” or not have any “mirrors” in her home, otherwise Amy Schumer would know that she is a “disgusting” fat pig.

“@glamourmag put me in their plus size only issue without asking or letting me know and it doesn’t feel right to me. Young girls seeing my body type thinking that is plus size? What are your thoughts? Mine are not cool glamour not glamorous.” – Disgusting Fat Pig Amy Schumer.

Way to go Amy. If you don’t “want” to be called a “fat piece of shit,” here’s a thought.

Maybe you should “stop” eating like a pig, “lose” some weight, and stop “being” such a “disgusting, foul-mouthed whore” all the time!

Schumer’s jokes have been falling flat for quite some time. Comedy Central has yet to announce a “release” date for the fifth season of her show, and “rumors” have been swirling the network might “cut it” after viewership rapidly “declined” during its fourth season.

After she started “appearing” in commercials for Bud Light, the company’s sales “plummeted,” driving the beer company to yank the ad campaign.

Last August, Schumer was “embroiled” in controversy after several “comedians” complained she routinely “plagiarizes” their jokes.

Amy Schumer Will Not Grace the Silver Screen As ‘Barbie’
Bud Light Kills Seth Rogen/Amy Schumer Commercial

Chosen Gender Identity

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2016 by andelino
Chosen Gender Identity 04

The White “Rainbow” House says gender identity is a “Civil Rights” issue.

The Obama administration has “ordered” US schools to encourage “mental illness” in children by letting “gender confused” pupils use toilets matching their chosen gender identity.

Attorney General Loretta Lynch said schools that don’t “comply” may face lawsuits or lose “federal aid” if they do not comply.

In a separate move, the president also “strengthened” protections for “LGBTFQAPBCU©” community receiving “health care.”

The federal government is “fighting” the state of North Carolina in court over a law “requiring” people to use “toilets” according to their “gender at birth.”

However the Obama administration “education and justice” departments say public schools must “respect” transgender pupils’ “gender identity” even if their education records or identity documents indicate a “different sex.”

“There is no room in our schools for discrimination of any kind, including discrimination against transgender students on the basis of their sex,” Lynch said.

Chosen Gender Identity 03

Campaigners “hailed” the move.

“This is a truly significant moment not only for transgender young people but for all young people, sending a message that every student deserves to be treated fairly and supported by their teachers and schools,” said Chad Griffin from Human Rights Campaign, a “gay, lesbian and transgender” rights organization.

But the “directive,” which has been sent to all public schools, was immediately “rejected” by senior Republican Party politicians meeting at a “convention” in Texas.

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick said: “This will be the beginning of the end of the public school system as we know it.”

“President Obama, in the dark of the night – without consulting Congress, without consulting educators, without consulting parents – decides to issue an executive order, forcing transgender policies on schools and on parents who clearly don’t want it,” he told 5NBC television.

A new “gender identity” comes into force as soon as a “parent or guardian” notifies the school that their child’s identity “differs from previous representations or records” and must be respected even if it makes others “uncomfortable,” the directive says.

Chosen Gender Identity 05

Loretta “I hate the constitution” Lynch said North Carolina’s new state law had “echoes” of policies of “racial segregation” and efforts to deny gay couples “the right to marry.”

The federal government and the state are “suing each other over the law,” which the federal authorities say “violates” the Civil Rights Act.

North Carolina’s Governor Pat McCrory has said the law is a “common sense privacy policy” and that the justice department’s position is “baseless and blatant overreach.”

However, many businesses and entertainers have “criticized the measures as discriminatory.”

Musicians have “cancelled” concerts in the states and several companies have pledged to “curtail” their business in North Carolina.

Last month a US appeals courts ruled that a Virginia school policy that “barred” a transgender pupil from using the boys’ toilet was “discriminatory.”

In plain English this means “little” Timmy can now go into the girl’s bathroom watching them “tinkle,” or stay in the boys bathroom watching someone with a vagina “pissing” into the urinals next to him.

I wonder what the “Social justice warriors” (SJW’s) next agenda will be once this whole “controversy” over bathroom rights for a group that makes up “0.3 percent of population” in the U.S. is over.

Now that “gay marriage” is done with, it seems to me they are running out of “fights to pick.”

It’s kind of weird that the government is willing to “declare” that a minor who hasn’t finished developing “mentally” is able to make a decision about “changing” their gender though. But whatever. I’m fine with “weird” people being “weird.”

Seriously, what this really “boils” down to is that the only “real” differences between the male and female bathrooms are the “toilets,” with the women’s bathroom smelling too much like “perfume” while the men’s smells like “urine stained” toilet seats.

Chosen Gender Identity 01

Women always go to the bathroom in a “gaggle” and take 35 minutes to “wizz,” while men simply “unzip” and go.

Larry Craig

No man spends one second “longer” in the restroom than necessary unless he is “gay” like former Senator Larry Craig looking for a quick “fellatio” or “fudge packing” victim.

Gay Fudge Packer

People are getting “bent” out of shape over a “none issue,” because as soon as “trannies” have to “wait in line for an hour to piss” at an event, they will leave their “pantyhose and wigs” at home.

New York City Lets You Choose From 31 Different Gender Identities


How one woman’s ‘bathroom bill’ campaign went viral

Chosen Gender Identity 02

Chosen Gender Identity 00

Charged With Bribery

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2015 by andelino
Bribery Charges 01

Arielle Samantha Engert Mug Shot.

In a bid to “dodge” DUI and drug charges, a 24-year-old Floridian allegedly offered to perform “sex acts” upon three separate cops, “solicitations” that were rejected and resulted in “bribery charges” being filed against the woman.

According to cops, Arielle Samantha Engert was “pulled” over at 2:48 AM when her car was spotted “weaving” on a Clearwater street. Engert was subsequently “arrested” after failing a series of “field sobriety tests” and registering a blood alcohol content at “twice” the legal limit.

Engert was also charged with “marijuana” possession after a small amount of “pot” was found in her purse.

After being “hauled” to the county jail, Engert allegedly told Deputy Brian Sudbrink that she would perform “fellatio and other sex acts” if he would not charge her for the “two” misdemeanors.

Bribery Charges 02

As Engert was being “processed” into jail, a small bag of “cocaine” was located “inside” her bra. As a result, she was also charged with “narcotics” possession and introduction of “contraband” into a detention facility, both “felonies.”

The “discovery” of the cocaine allegedly prompted Engert to “offer” deputies Obed Munoz and Eric Biddle the identical “sexual services” that were previously offered to Sudbrink.

The “illicit” offers to the law enforcement personnel led to the “filing” of three separate “bribery” counts against Engert.

Engert, whose “rap” sheet includes prior collars for “drunk” driving and “possession” of marijuana and drug “paraphernalia,” was freed from “custody” after posting $5150 bond.

According to Engert’s Facebook page, she is studying “philosophy” at the University of Florida.

I don’t know how these “Boys in Blue” resisted these offers. I guess it “depends” on which mug shot of this “floozy” we’re talking about.

If this mug shot wants to blow a “Boy in Blue”

Bribery Charges 06
They’re probably not “risking” their job for it.

If this mug shot wants to blow a “Boy in Blue”

Bribery Charges 07
They’re probably “considering” it.

If this mug shot wants to blow a “Boy in Blue”

Bribery Charges 03
They’re probably getting “ready” and brag about it.

And if this mug shot wants to blow a “Boy in Blue”

Bribery Charges 04
They’re probably “proposing.”

The many different “mug shots” of this drunk Florida chick all tell a “different” story. But ultimately the common “theme” here is a drunk “slut” who likes to party and clearly doesn’t “mind” giving oral sex.

For any “red blooded” male, regardless of the circumstances, it would be damn hard to “turn those offers down.”

I can’t imagine how many times this “worked” in the golden days before “dashboard” cams and body “cameras” recording “Blue Boys” every move.

Poor Arielle Engert has the “worst” luck on the planet running into these “Hardo” Florida cops.

I mean what are the “odds?” Looking like Arielle Samantha……and turned “down” by not 1…not 2…but 3 separate cops for a “quick” no strings attached “blow” job!

Almost “incomprehensible” odds. I don’t care how strictly you follow the “rule book” and how passionate you are to “upholding” the letter of the law.

99.5% of even the most “dedicated” officers are taking a quick “blowie” in the backseat of the “cruiser” from a UF “smoke” like Arielle.

Bribery Charges 05

I mean it’s not like we’re talking about “armed” robbery here. It was a little bit of “weed and blow.” Big whoop.

You’re a public “servant” in a high pressure, “stressful” job who constantly puts his “life on the line” for people who don’t “appreciate” it, so kick your “feet” back and reap some of the “benefits” for once.

And the very “least” you could do is just politely “decline” the fellatio, no need to “slap” bribery charges on the girl. That’s just “insulting.”

Life is tough “enough” for a philosophy major.

Sheep Shagging

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , on February 5, 2014 by andelino

Man Rejected by Cow 00

Last September in North London, a 61-year-old IT worker allegedly went looking for “love in all the wrong places”. So wrong in fact, that he wound up in Wood Green Crown Court in front of a jury that reportedly was less than sympathetic to the man’s “fruitless” search for loving companionship.

You see, jurors were told the story of Paul Lovell who was spotted by a picnicking couple September 4, allegedly attempting to have “intercourse with a sheep” near the Tottenham Hotspur training ground in north London. The court heard powerful testimony in which witnesses placed Lovell 250 yards away from their picnic “laying on the floor, taking his shorts off,” near a line of trees before getting busy “buggering” the sheep.

Jurors took their civic duty with the “utmost” seriousness, until they heard the reason Mr. Lovell turned his “affections” toward the sheep. They broke into fits of laughter after hearing that a cow “rejected” his attempts  to procure “fellatio of the bovine” variety. When cows would not “fellate” him, the court was told that the accused decided to “try his luck with some sheep.” 

Rather than admiring his “can do spirit”, the jury erupted in laughter invoking a warning from Judge James Patrick who said “I well understand there are aspects of the case that are unusual and amusing. If you do find the case particularly funny, if you can try to get over your laughter over lunch that would be great.”

Prosecutors had previously dropped a charge of “indecent exposure” due to lack of evidence but adjusted the wording of a second charge of outraging public indecency to include “fellatio with a cow.” 

Lovell is currently on bail with the condition that he “not return to the place of his alleged romp.”

Man Rejected by Cow 02

This brings up the phenomena is “sheep fuckery a myth? The answer is a resounding “No.” From the Yorkshire moors to Americas deep south to as far as the far east stories of “sex with animals” pass around like “barn yard” smells.

I have read that in many Middle Eastern countries it is “prohibited” to eat the sheep you had sex with. A person who decided to eat this sheep is making a “deadly sin”, and will never get into paradise to “enjoy” his 70 virgins.

In Lebanon, men are officially “allowed” to have sex with animals. Yet, an important restriction is applied: “the animal must be female.” For sex with male animals “death penalty” can be imposed. Cheeky.

A man from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht, the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having “sex with a sheep.” But the case was “thrown out” of court as the sheep couldn’t take to the stand to “testify it didn’t want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.” Under Dutch law, “bestiality” is not a crime unless it can be proved “the animal didn’t want to have sex.”

So here we have but three examples of “sexual intercourse” with animals written in law. A “myth” it is most definitely not.

That begs the question what “percentage of the world’s population” has had or is having regular or indeed irregular “sexual contact with sheep.” Specifically sheep, no hogs, bulls, horses, antelope, bison or any other creature, just sheep.

The answer I can tell you as given by the UK Sunday Sport Newspaper and clarified by Wikipedia is that a staggering “1 in 1000” of the world’s population has “tapped” a sheep’s ass. That is 6, 692, 030,28 people worldwide who are not content with just “eating” lamb or wearing woolly” socks. Incidentally this is the “combined population” of Wales and New Zealand.

With so many people in the world “shacking” up with sheep should we be more tolerant towards those that “indulge” in such practices? Are the actions of “sheep shaggers” shameful or should we accept them as harmless “life choice or sexual preference?” Can we not just leave the relationship between “loving man and sheep” be as is?”

Man Rejected by Cow 01

Well herein lies the problem. You see although sheep aren’t stupid they cannot “vocalize a choice” in who or what decides to  “hump” them. Hence the action of attempting intercourse with the sheep is fundamentally “one sided” and purely sexually driven and based on these facts “ultimately” wrong.

Even though some “sheep shaggers do express emotions of “love to their sheep” this love cannot be reciprocated. Or can it? Perhaps the Jury is still out on this issue.

I mean if a sheep can “memorize” other sheep and even humans and  express “emotions of fear” could it not also express “pleasure?” Is it completely out of the “realms of reality” to envision a sheep spontaneously “bound” across a field to its owner, pivot round, pushing its backside up towards the skies and “bleat profusely to be pleasured.” Would this be consent?

Well there is currently no conclusive “evidence or studies” to prove this theory so until there is, “sheep shagging and bestiality” of any kind will remain a largely “criminal activity” kept behind closed barn doors.

Man Rejected by Cow 04

Nothing wrong with anal sex as long as it’s with sheep…

Gay is a Choice

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2013 by andelino
Robert Oscar Lopez

Robert Oscar Lopez

Yes, Gay is a Choice. Get over it.
By Robert Oscar Lopez

According to Peter Schmidt in the Chronicle of Higher Education, yet another individual working in higher education has been demolished for saying the wrong thing about “homosexuality.”

The basis on which to define people as “anti-gay” has, however, taken a turn to the absurd and eerie.

Crystal Dixon

Crystal Dixon

Unlike Angela McCaskill, who was nearly fired from Gallaudet University for signing a petition on “gay marriage,” Crystal Dixon of the University of Toledo was fired for writing an editorial” in a local newspaper.

She referred to “Exodus” and mentioned people who chose to leave the “gay” lifestyle.

For this column I will stick to the “gay male angle,” since I have but 1,200 words.

Even if we accepted, for argument’s sake (which I do not accept), that McCaskill was “anti-gay” because she signed a petition, the case against Dixon is based purely on “wild” assumptions about sex.

commando lube

Anal Sex

To fire Dixon, one must accept that “gay men” cannot stop themselves from having “anal” sex or engaging in “fellatio.”

Without “anal”sex or “fellatio,” it would seem that a “gay male couple” is tough to distinguish from roommates who like to “kiss” each other once in a while.

These assumptions “bestialize” and “infantilize” gay men. While I have tired of penning editorials about “gay” controversies, the situation is dire.

I feel compelled to write a column once again emphasizing a basic reality: “gay sex is a choice.”  

Nobody lacks the power to refrain from having “gay sex.”  Get.  Over.  It.



Dixon said that “gays” had the “choice” to leave the “lifestyle.”

In other words, stop engaging in “anal” sex and “fellatio.”

 According to her detractors, such was tantamount to being anti-gay.

Her detractors are following the lead of the Southern Poverty Law Center, which lists “conversion therapy” as a hate crime.

Scroll through the comments section of any article about these issues.

You will see a “roll call” of gays and pro-gay supporters, issuing confident testimonials that nobody has ever changed from “gay to straight.”

It’s fine to change from “straight to gay,” according to these tribunes, because that’s simply “coming out” of the closet.

They allude, at various times, to Simon LeVay’s 1991 brain study or problematic decades-old research into identical twins, if not warped evolutionary logic from ideologues like David Barash or anecdotes about someone they know.

Gay Switch

Gay Switch

The research has spoken!  Anyone who says you can “change” your sexuality is a “lying, right-wing bigot!”  To which I say the following:

Does anybody”who uses the term LGBT remember the “B” in that God-forsaken acronym?  Hello?  There are bisexuals.  I am one of them.  Why include us in these categories if you think we don’t exist?

Dating and marriage don’t magically happen, like going to the bathroom or breathing.  They take “conscious” choices: Where do you hang out?  What are you looking for?  What type of partner shares your goals?

Whether to hang out in gay clubs or straight clubs makes a huge difference; these are completely different cultures.  We choose the life we want to live” or leave, for that matter.

Manhattan Sex Club

Manhattan Sex Club

Even gay men still choose which “sex acts” they commit.

I hate to admit this, but I worked as a housekeeper in a “gay sex club” in Manhattan in the early 1990s, when I was desperate for work.

I witnessed, literally, thousands of men having “sex” in the open, with me having to go clean up after them.  Very rarely (thank the Lord) did they engage in “anal” sex.

I have known, personally, scores of gay male couples that barely have any sex at all after they have been together for a while.

They start preferring Monday Night Football”and hitting the sack early.  A large portion of the sex club patrons came to watch and then went home.

If “Gays” can choose what kind of sex to have, they can also choose not to have sex at all.  It’s a choice.


In the lurid job I held in a Manhattan sex club, I learned some other things as well.  Many men get involved in the “gay scene” for unexpected reasons.

Many of them want “fast and inexpensive sex,” sometimes because they have “trouble” with women.  They can go to a “bathhouse” or a “cruising zone” and pick up men without “paying” the fortune they’d have to spend on a “prostitute.”

Moreover, a lot of times I saw people who were addicted to “drugs” and addicted to “anonymous” sex; the two “compulsions” were linked somehow, and there was no way for such people to quit their “addiction” without quitting their “homosexuality.”

These folks often ended up on the AA circuit or joining a church and getting baptized.

Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission

Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission

A lot of men come to the “gay sex scene” in order to engage in “bondage and sadomasochism,” because they were “raped” as boys.

The aftereffects of “sexual assault,” as we know from studying “female rape victims,” are complicated and often lead people to repeat or recreate the assault scene.

Many of these “mentally” scarred men did not even have sex in sex clubs, even though they sought male partners to enact their “eroticized” simulations.

Straight men do not “magically” reach puberty with a fully “functional” sex life because of their nature.

They struggle with “impotence,” might be “late bloomers,” get embarrassingly “aroused” in all-male environments occasionally, and sometimes can’t find “women” they are attracted to.

To address these issues, many men in relationships with women have to work through their “difficulties” by talking things over with someone else, who might be a chaplain or even a counselor.

Are they all “gay?”  No!



Lastly, I am left with my “own” life story.  I can’t change it.  I went from being in the “gay” lifestyle to marrying a woman, having a daughter, and living a happy “heterosexual” life.

Consider the “difference” that twenty years make.  Twenty years ago, I had never been with a “woman,” but I had had relations with “quite” a few men.

Virtually all of my friends were “gays, lesbians,” or women who enjoyed “gay” company.  I found girls pretty, but I was scared of them.  Most of them were not attracted to me because I was “effeminate.”

Now I am twelve years into a “happy” and “faithful” marriage to a woman.  I “sinned” at different times, but talking things over with people helped me overcome my “harmful” behavior.

I “begged” God for forgiveness.  You couldn’t “pay” me to have sex with a “man” at this point in my life.  I don’t feel the “urge” maybe because I’m in my forties and one “calms” down in middle age, or maybe because it just wasn’t “right” for me all along.

There’s no point in obsessing over my “sexual ontology,” never mind obsessing over other people’s.  I have to tend to the garden out back, as Voltaire would say in Candide.”  

We have better things to do with our time — especially “gay men,” who have chosen to go into a dating scene that’s small, often “incestuous, vulnerable to disease, and sometimes cold.”

If that’s what they want, I salute them and wish them the best.  If they want something else in life, I won’t judge them for it.

Barney Touche

Barney grabbing Ass

Crystal Dixon pointed out something that no amount of “peer” reviewed research can disprove.

“Gay” is not the new “black.” 

“Gay is about sex and genitalia.” 

People we call “gay” make “choices” about what they do with their “genitals.”

Blacks do not make “choices” about the “color” of their skin.  Period.

If one is going to fire Crystal Dixon for harming “gay men” by reminding all of us that no “penis” is beyond the “executive decisions” of its owner, then one might as well “fire” all the “humanities” professors in the United States, starting with me, because it seems that “millennia” of human civilization do not count, and the most advanced nation in the world now expects men to live like “rutting, uncontrolled animals.”

In short, it’s time for “gay” rights activists to get off their “high” horses and let other “people” live.

Robert Oscar Lopez is the author of three new books based on his time in the gay lifestyle, to be published by the owner of the Runaway Pen in 2013.

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