Archive for email scandal

Big Nothing Burger

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2017 by andelino

Hillary Clinton announced the “opening” of her national hamburger chain “Big Nothing Burger” at Hillary’s Burger “Shack” in Chappaqua, NY complimented with ample “Chardonnay” and jugs of frozen “daiquiris.”

Wearing a chef style “tin foil hat” and speaking “inebriated,” former presidential candidate turned “conspiracy” theorist, Hillary Clinton, revealed her 2016 inspired “Big Nothing Burger.”

The burger, “glazed” with Russian vodka and diced “organic” vegetables, grown in her “retirement” garden behind the “walled” in house, is said to be the “Biggest Nothing Burger” since the Hillary email scandal.


Contrary to the laws of “reality and basic common sense,” Clinton claims the “Big Nothing Burger” is calorie and carb free and “harmless” to the human body as her private “basement server” was to her recent presidential campaign.

She “vigorously” claims that any “bodily injury, illness” or otherwise negative reaction to the “Big Nothing Burger” should not be directed toward her but that all “responsibility and outrage” should be aimed at the “Commissariat of Kalorama, former FBI Director James Comey, the vast right-wing conspiracy, Wikileaks, the DNC, Russian spies and Covfefe.”

From her “continues” expanding list of 38 “Big Nothing Burger” recipes for losing to President Trump I “picked” my favorites.

  1. 1,000 Russian agents
    “If you look at Facebook, the vast majority of the news items posted were fake. They were connected to, as we now know, the 1,000 Russian agents who were involved in delivering those messages.”
  1. “Anti-American forces”
    “I take responsibility for every decision I made, but that’s not why I lost. Anti-American forces are going after our economy and they are going after our unity as a nation.”
  1. Content farms in Macedonia
    “You know, there’s all these stories of guys over in Macedonia who are running these fake news sites and I’ve seen them now and you sit there and it looks like a sort of low-level CNN operation, after decrying these Macedonia’s content farms.”

36.

   27.The GRU
“You know, basically the group running this was the GRU which is the military intelligence arm of the Russian military and they have a very sophisticated cyber operation. They are in bed with WikiLeaks, in bed with Goosefer, in bed with covfefe and in bed with DC Leaks.”

Here is the complete and ever expanding list of Hillary’s “CodeCon 2017” recipes for her “election loss” to President Trump. You can read the full “transcript” at Recode:

Clinton Fatigue

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2015 by andelino
Clinton Fatigue 01

Tired Grandma Hillary Clinton.

Are You “Clinton Fatigue” Yet?

Hillary took time out of her “busy” babysitting schedule to “loosen up and joke” with reporters.

The news that her private “unsecured” server was the likely source for the “leaked” information that directly led to the “terrorist” attack on Benghazi made Hillary “shake” her head and laugh.

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Hillary didn’t “deny” that all the information of Ambassador Stevens’ “intentions and movements” went through that thoroughly “compromised” email pipeline.

“The fact is,” said Hillary with a laughable face, “I thought an e-mail server was someone serving me my e-mail. I have lots of servants serving me, so it’s a simple mistake. I told my people I need a private e-mail server. I thought it was like a butler for e-mail. Well, when I found out he leaked Ambassador Stevens’ sensitive information and got all those people killed in Benghazi, I gave Huma specific instructions to have that person serving me e-mail flogged. I was told the server was soundly flogged. I don’t see what else anyone thinks I should do about it.”

Hillary kept on “laughing” at her joke but the press “remained” nonplussed.

In Columbus, Ohio Hillary “addressed” a women’s group but the “crowd” was sparse.

Clinton Fatigue 03

Staffers noted that “women,” who intended to hear about the “misery” of being female, and what the first “Female President” would do for them, were unable to “attend” because they were either “cleaning house, breastfeeding, doing menial jobs for 73% on the dollar compared to their male counterparts, or making their husbands a sammich.”

Hill then “dissed” Petraeus to change the “subject” basically calling him a “liar” to his face during his “appearance” before the Senate…

“We Be Sisters” be tellin’ the “truth” about Hillary Clinton. “Donald Trump wants to secure the country for the American people, while Hillary Clinton only wants to secure votes for herself.”

An “undercover” video filmed by James O’Keefe and “Project Veritas” purportedly shows Molly Barker, the “National Marketing Director” for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, “knowingly and intentionally” violating “campaign finance laws.”

During Clinton’s “kickoff” campaign event at Roosevelt Island, a Canadian “citizen” with no affiliation to “Project Veritas Action” attempted to make an “illegal donation” to the Clinton campaign by “purchasing” a Hillary shirt.

Barker knew that this was “illegal,” a fact which was confirmed by Clinton’s “National Compliance Manager” Erin Tibe, yet proceeded to “process” the contribution.

Barker facilitated a “straw man” transaction where the Canadian citizen gave “cash” to an American citizen who subsequently “purchased” the shirt for the Canadian under Barker’s “direction.”

Barker who was fully “aware” of the law didn’t merely “look the other way” like Tibe did, rather, she actually “facilitated election illegalities.”

A Clinton official told Time Magazine that “the campaign is confident it upheld the law.”

In the latest “batch” of Hillary emails released, Sidney Blumenthal forwarded Clinton a “memo” regarding the “impeachment” of Supreme Court “Justice Clarence Thomas” written by David Brock.

clarence-thomas

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

The seven-page memo, entitled “Memo on Impeaching Clarence Thomas,” was sent in an email with the subject “H: Brock memo here, have many more ideas on this. S.”

“Crook,” “Weak,” “Joke” are just a few of the words that “voters” said when Quinnipiac University asked them the first word that “pops” into their heads when they “think” of Hillary Clinton.

Quinnipiac “asked” 1,563 voters and reported only the “words” that were said at least “five” times.

And the winning word was “Liar.”

Hillary_Obama_Poster_Liar

Clinton can’t “shake” the reputation that she’s “hiding” something. The word “liar” was mentioned 178 times in “association” with Hillary.

Some of the other top words voters said to describe the former Secretary of State were “dishonest,” “untrustworthy,” and “criminal.”

The “two” issues the GOP argues why Clinton’s “unfit” to hold office – “Benghazi” and “Email” – topped the “list” as well.

Also, her husband’s first name, “Casanova Bill,” came up 56 times by voters.

Mistery Box 01

Hillary announced a “special offer” over Twitter.

Meet the mystery “ThxBox,” a personal “thank you”  from Hillary. Get on the “waiting list” to find out more.

Whether she’s simply “trolling” critics who would say that her mishandling of “classified information” should land her in a “prison” cell or handing out “swag” packs to the “diehards” who still support her, one thing’s for sure: “Everybody is curious to find out what’s inside!”

Clinton Fatigue 02

Rumor has it that the “secret” mystery boxes “contain” copies of all wiped “emails” from her private “server” the FBI couldn’t find.

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The Queen Of Lies

Yoga By Hillary

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 29, 2015 by andelino

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 00

While the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) is still at a “loss” regarding the content of Hillary Clinton’s e-mail “cache” from her days as Secretary of State, one thing they have determined beyond a “shadow of a doubt” is that the Democratic presidential “hopeful” is a diligent distance-education “yoga” practitioner.

Emailing “yoga” routines are standard practice in “distance-education,” said Mrs. Clinton’s “online” yoga instructor Maha Bharata through an interpreter.

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 01He claims that “over the years” he has sent Hillary over two hundred thousand Hindu-language “emails” with pictures of “yoga poses,” which constitutes 90% of the “data” that had been “wiped” clean from Clinton’s “personal” server.

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 07

Clinton’s sessions took place in her “home” and sometimes her “office,” says Mr. Bharata, who has “visited” Mrs. Clinton on a few occasions when she “flew” him on a private jet to Washington, DC, from his humble “hut” in the Himalayas.

“I couldn’t tell if she had made any progress with her routines because she only emailed me back two pictures, one from home and one from the office,” he said.

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 06

“In both cases she was lying on the floor and appeared to be meditating. And when I was in Washington, we were too busy for yoga, always partying with donors and journalists, and taking group pictures. This woman can hold her liquor.”

The former First Lady isn’t “shy” to talk publicly about her “burgeoning” yoga commitment.

In a splashy spread in People magazine in June, Clinton talked up her “yoga and water” aerobics.

And a September New York Times story quotes friends as saying that she was “full of energy from getting into yoga.”

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 05

“One time I insisted she show me her routines, and then it took her a long time to find the yoga mat,” quipped Hillary’s yoga instructor.

“And when one of her aids found it, I was afraid to touch it because that mat was covered with wine and grease stains, smelling of alcohol and something resembling fermented milk of a Himalayan yak.”

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 10

Yoga experts agree that “repetitive” mentioning of Clinton’s time on the “mat” makes her more “relatable.”

“Yoga is to 2016 what jogging was to, like, 1990,” says veteran Democratic strategist Joe Trippi.

“When voters saw former presidents Bill Clinton or George W. Bush jogging, they would think, ‘Hey, I like to jog, too.’ It’s the same thing now with yoga, for women in particular.”

Here are some other yoga “routines” Hillary has been “practicing” under the “guidance” of instructor Maha Bharata .

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 02

Experts believe that “promoting” Hillary’s images as a “yoga aficionado” should help her to “dispel” concerns about her “age” or certain unhealthy “imbibing” habits, which her Republican “opponents” are likely to raise.

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 03

The way she “reminded” the American public about her “yoga routines” in connection to the “email scandal” was also a stroke of “political” genius, which may very well help her to “recover” from this debacle and “win” the presidency.

Hillary’s Yoga Educator 09

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Hillary Clinton’s Deleted Yoga Emails Inspire Parody

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