Archive for dick

No Appetite For Sex

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2017 by andelino

Bruce Jenner “reveals” in his upcoming “memoirs” that he may never be “intimate with women again,” but might be “open to a male companion.”

“I don’t have the appetite for sex, which is why the public’s obsession over whether I would get gender confirmation surgery is annoying to me,” writes the 67-year-old “clueless rich white transgender” in the book “The Secrets of My Life,” which will be “released” later this month.

“It hearkens back to this misperception that people transition because of their sexual desires.”

“A future female companion? I think about that. A future female sexual companion? Not happening, at least for now, and perhaps not ever,” he wrote in a section of the book completed prior to his “gender confirmation surgery.”

“A future male sexual companion? I have never had the inclination. But maybe that attitude might possibly change when I have the final surgery.”

So I guess there are “two main takeaways” here:

1) Somewhere between the book being written and excerpts leaking, Bruce did get the “Final Surgery” to give him lady bits.

2) Despite all the magazine covers and garish outfits and fancy makeovers, Bruce still doesn’t fully know what it’s like to be a woman who’s interested in men.

Here’s a “quote” he gave People talking about “getting” the gender reassignment surgery:

“Transitioning is about nothing else but your soul. You are no more a woman the day after the surgery than the day before, okay?”

Sure, “inside” he’s always been the woman his “outside” now reflects.

But I would “argue” you’re not truly “living” the full experience as a woman by “filleting your penis into a vagina” until you get that “first dick” in there.

I’m sure Bruce was satisfied with his “femininity” after the original surgeries and transitioning, but getting that new “vagina and not getting a dick” in there is like spending years “waiting” to get a Ferrari and not ever “taking” it out of the garage.

How much of “womanhood” is tied up in “sex” with men?

Sarah Jessica Parker weaponized women’s “love for a dick” as an expression of “womanhood” in a TV show for a decade.

You go to brunch next to a “table of ladies” and you know what they’re talking about? “Sex.” It’s part of what it “means to be a woman in 2017.”

“No appetite for it”? Screw that. You’ve come this far, you “owe” it to yourself to “cross” the finish line.

“Little dicks, big dicks, Asian dicks, black dicks, dicks dressed like Mr. Peanut, whatever kind of dick you can conjure up in your imagination deserves a stopover on Bruce’s journey of self-exploration. No half measures, no half-inchers.”

I can’t wait for Bruce “telling” the world how it “felt the first time he had intercourse and lost his virginity in the deflowering process.”

What a “confused” individual.

Kendall Jenner “seems” to follow the “footsteps” of her Dad.

Jenner Feels ‘Liberated’ after Sex Reassignment Surgery
Jenner is done with women but will consider sex with men
It’s Finally The End For Jenner
Criticizing Jenner doesn’t mean you’re transphobic.


Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2017 by andelino

Joshua Chubbs of Carbonear, playing bagpipes during the town’s Memorial Day ceremony.

Carbonear resident Josh Chubbs, 23, was “charged” on Feb. 20 under the “Medical Act” after a mother,  whom CBC News has agreed “not to identify,” called police to report that he had “written to her” last December, after she made a “routine” post on Facebook that mentioned her “children.”

The mother, who lives in the “Conception Bay North” area, said Chubbs wrote to her to “inquire” whether her son, who is under 10, was having any issues with his genitals, such as infections that might require a medical procedure like a frenulectomy.

“To say the conversation took a strange turn is a bit of an understatement,” she told CBC News.

“Frenulectomy” of the penis is often performed “a few days after birth” before discharge from hospital or at specialized “outpatient” clinics. Because it’s considered “cosmetic,” the surgery cost between $300 to $500 and isn’t “covered” by provincial insurance plans.

The mother described Chubbs as an “acquaintance” and said she knew he had worked at “Noel’s Funeral Home” in Carbonear in 2015. She said he “explained” to her that he also had training in “pediatric urology” and could do surgical operations like “frenulectomy.”

Josh Chubbs, 23, seen here in a social media photo.

According to Facebook “messages” seen by CBC News, Chubbs asked if her son had been “circumcised,” how he “cleaned” his penis and several “other questions” that she felt were “inappropriate.”

“He said, ‘I don’t want you to think I was a creep, I am trained,'” she said.

After “pressing” Chubbs further, she said he went on to “explain” how he never finished his “urology training” because he fell into the “funeral business.”

He told her he had training in “pediatric urology” and had “dealt with lots of boys who have had issues.”

“I did finish my course, got all my papers, it’s not illegal, I am trained,” he told her, and added: “I just don’t work for the hospital, which is why I don’t broadcast, but it’s legal.”

Josh Chubbs was working as a mortician at Noel’s Funeral Home in Carbonear.

In the messages, he claimed he had performed “frenulectomy” for his adult friends “on the side” and that he had “all his papers.”

He added he could do the “procedure” right in his home, which she described as “little more than a cabin in the woods” near the town of Freshwater.

“At this point I had goggled the length of time it takes to become a pediatric urologist, and he hasn’t even been out of high school that long” she said.

“So I knew then that this was something that needed to be brought to a higher power’s attention.”

The woman noted that the messages she “received” from Chubbs were difficult to “read” because of numerous “spelling” errors.

Chubbs claimed to have “completed” more than “50” procedures already, and even “referred” her to a mutual adult friend who had a “frenulectomy” successfully done by him.

The friend “confirmed” it, and went on to say Chubbs seemed “professional” and that there were no “complications” from his work.

The Carbonear mother kept the Facebook message conversation between her and Chubbs.

The mom said “hearing” that Chubbs had operated on an adult was “disturbing” enough, but for him to approach her about doing “unlicensed” surgery on her child was what finally “drove” her to contact the police.

“I was absolutely horrified,” she said.

“It red-flagged a lot of stuff for me, because God forbid there would actually be somebody too embarrassed to take their child to a doctor who would take them to a friend who was clearly not certified to do these things.”

Too “nervous” to call the RCMP’s Harbour Grace detachment to explain what Chubbs had said, she asked a “friend” to do so. She said at first, police didn’t take her friend “seriously and hung up,” but when her friend called back a “second” time they finally listened and eventually “charges” were laid.

Chubbs claimed to have performed more than 50 urology procedures.

Not only was Chubbs allegedly “offering” to perform medical procedures without “proper” credentials, but he also had not “finished” his apprenticeship to be a mortician.

The mother said she went to the “media” to make sure others don’t consider getting their child “treated” by someone without proper “medical” credentials.

“It’s important for people to know that without the proper credentials, things could go wrong,” the woman said.

“It’s a scary thought to think this is going on in a cabin in the woods.”

Chubbs is “scheduled” to appear in Harbour Grace “provincial court” on April 12.

He’s charged with “engaging” in medical practice while not “licensed” under the Medical Act from June 1 to Oct. 15, 2016. He is also being charged by “promoting” those services to people between Dec. 1 and 16, 2016.

I appreciate a good penis health story more than anyone. I love it when my penis is “clean as a whistle.”

I want that “sucker” to be so clean you could “eat off of it.” That’s a “common” desire. No one wants a “dirty, smelly” dick.

This story, however, isn’t about the “sanitary” levels of penises. It’s about “ethics” in frenulectomy.  It’s about “valuing” medical degrees.

When it comes to “frenulectomy,” there’s basically two “schools” of thought.

Some will say that it’s “actually good”

while others will say that it’s “actually bad”….

This story about unlicensed “frenulectomy” require some pediatric “warning” rules since “50 sets of parents” already fell for the “ole circumcision trick” inside “a cabin in the woods.”

You should “stop” medical conversations:

I. If a man or woman asks you about the state of cleanliness of your child’s penis via Facebook message.
2. If a man or woman asks the cleaning technique of your child’s penis.
3. If a man or woman suggests to you via Facebook that you should remove some of the tissue around the head of your child’s penis.
4. If a man or woman wants you to come to a remote cabin in the woods so he can take a look at your kid’s penis
5. And this is kind of a catch-all, if someone talks to you about your kid’s penis…that’s it. That’s the weird part. Talking to you about your kid’s penis is weird.

So parents, make sure your children have good “genital” health.

Just take them to a “licensed “ doctor to get it “done” and not some Canadian “cabin freak” in the wilderness.

Penile Strangulation

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2016 by andelino


Your wife has given “birth” two weeks ago. Your are “horny” and in the “mood” for some self gratification but your penis “needs a little help.“

You’re in “desperate” need of a “cock ring” but don’t have one “handy,” what do you do?


On the recommendation of “friends,” one desperate 28-year-old South African man squeezed his “wedding ring” around his penis instead.

Alas, the “dude” was soon suffering from “penile strangulation” emergency as his erect “schlong” turned “swollen and blue.” Instead of the anticipated “erection” he ended up in “excruciating pain needing surgery.”


When the “hurting” guy arrived at the Van Velden Hospital in Limpopo “four” hours later “accompanied” by his mother, doctors took “photographs” of the damage before “trying” to remove the ring.

“His penis was severely swollen and blue, constricted by his wedding ring at the middle section.”

Hospital staff “sedated” the man and surgeons first tried to “remove” the ring first by the “string” method, but the “swelling” was too excessive.

An orthopedic “oscillating” saw was then used, but the ring was “too wide and too strong” and there was “limited space” due to the swelling.

They then attempted the “aspiration” technique by making multiple “punctures” with a 20ml syringe and pink needle to “drain” the stored blood.


The “oedema” finally subsided enabling doctors to “slip” the ring off “intact” so it could be “worn” later again on the finger.

Treated with “antibiotics and painkillers” he was discharged after three days.

The man made a “full” recovery.


The SAMJ said “penile strangulation” is a rarely described medical emergency, but occasionally “occurs” on a worldwide basis.

It has been reported across all “age” groups, but is done mostly for “erotic” reasons by adults.

There are no proper “guidelines” for treatment, and the academic journal “advised” that a doctor should decide on the “best removal method” depending on the “case,” the “settings” and the “available” equipment.

Obviously, the best “method” is simply “the one with a successful outcome.”


Yikes. Next time you think about finding out whether your “wedding ring” fits on your penis, try to resist the “urge,” unless your dick is the “girth” of angel hair pasta.

Don’t You Just Hate When You Get A USB Cord Stuck Up Your Dick While Masturbating?

Gay Fetishes

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2016 by andelino

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Welcome to 2016! A year where all sorts of “genitals” can be touched by unwilling, but “open-minded” participants, for the “sake” of a viral video.

I’m always “amused” how gay people get more and more “outlandish.”

First people just admitted “weird” things.

Then it was Dads “reading” their daughters’ “texts” to guys…

Next, girlfriends “seeing” each other “naked”

and now we have “lesbians” touching guys’ dicks for the “first” time on a YouTube video.

Having someone who has never touched a “penis” before, and isn’t in anyway attracted to “schlongs,” scrutinize your “pecker” probably isn’t going to be a “sexy” experience.

In the interest of “equality,” you can watch gay “men” touch women on the “boobs” or “vagina” for the first time.

I do have to say the gay guys were arguably more “competent and interested” in finding the clit than most straight guys are. They may have been concerned they would “fall” in the hole, or that they would be hit by an overwhelming “tuna” smell but at least they know now that the “clit has a hood.” Nothing can take that away from them.

Notice a trend? Basically every “idea” has been done at this point in order to keep getting people to “watch” these fetish videos.

Starting January 20, a weekly candlelit “Free the Nipple” yoga class will take place in a downtown Los Angeles studio loft.

Participants interested in the “topless” yoga classes at Astroetic Studios should bring a mat, water, a towel and bottoms, although a top is “optional,” according to the studio’s Facebook page.

The creators of the “bare-breasted” yoga class describe themselves as “a community committed to uplifting others and dismantling the patriarchy” using “radical acceptance, body positivity and gender equality.”

According to LAist, the first class will feature a “two for $30 special,” which allows a person to bring a friend. Otherwise, It’s $20 per person, per class.

The bare-breasted “yoga” class is an extension of a the “Free the Nipple” movement, which seeks to “equalize” men and women by taking one of the clearest “anatomical” differences between the two and “minimizing” it in the service of “equality.”

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The movement is an “attempt” to fight against the “sexualization” of women’s breasts.

Fifty Shades of Pork

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2015 by andelino

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British Prime Minister David Cameron allegedly performed a “depraved” sex act by sticking his dick inside a dead pig’s mouth as part of a college “initiation ritual,” according to a book written by one of his “Oxford” peers.

Porking boy: David Cameron pictured (center) as part of the Bullingdon Club at Oxford in 1988

Porking boy: David Cameron pictured (center) as part of the Bullingdon Club at Oxford in 1988.

While it is known that “young” Cameron belonged to Oxford’s exclusive “Bullingdon Club,” which includes many other top British politicians among its members, the “pig” incident allegedly took place under the auspices of a “shadier” organization called the “Piers Gaveston Society,” an ultra-exclusive University of Oxford “dining” club known for its decadent “sex and drug-fueled” parties.

That student “club” is named after a 14th-century “noble” who some say was the “homosexual” lover of England’s King Edward II. Its motto, translated from Latin: “Truly, none remember hearing of a man enjoying another so much.”

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David Cameron’s history of “debauchery” is outlined in the book, “Call Me Dave: The Unauthorized Biography,” penned by “entrepreneur” and fellow Oxford “colleague” Lord Michael Ashcroft.

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Writing for The Daily Mail, Lord Ashcroft and the “co-author” of his book, Isabel Oakeshott, profess:

“A distinguished Oxford contemporary claims Cameron once took part in an outrageous initiation ceremony at a Piers Gaveston event, involving a dead pig. His extraordinary suggestion is that the future PM inserted his penis into the death animal’s mouth. The source, himself an MP, first made the allegation out of the blue at a business dinner in June 2014. Lowering his voice, he claimed to have seen photographic evidence of this exciting ritual.”

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“Gives a totally different meaning to the saying PIGGY IN THE MIDDLE!”

Ashcroft says the “claim” was later repeated by the same MP, and then “mentioned” a third time, where he “disclosed” further details including the “size” of the photo showing the alleged “porking” and the name of the person who may “possess” it.

He even claimed another “member” of the group has photographic “evidence” of the act. But the “individual” who is said to “own” the picture did not respond to “approaches” by the authors.

“The pig’s head, he claimed, had been resting on the lap of a Piers Gaveston society member while Cameron performed the act,” Ashcroft writes.

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The “unnamed” MP also told Ashcroft he’d considered “joining” the club, but for the contents of “one” gathering  left him “walking out in disgust.”

“What it basically involved was getting drunk and standing on restaurant tables, shouting about ‘fucking plebs,” the MP said, according to Ashcroft. “It was all about despising poor people.”

Perhaps it is a case of mistaken identity. Yet it is an elaborate story for an otherwise credible figure to invent. Furthermore, there are a number of accounts of pigs’ heads at debauched parties in Cameron’s day.”

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“True or not, interesting that no one seems to doubt that it could have happened!”

Aside from the “pig” allegations, Cameron was also profusely fond of smoking “marijuana” in his college days and dabbled in “cocaine” in his home as a young man, Ashcroft claims.

Those allegations have “plagued” Cameron for years, and he has consistently “refused” to comment. Today these acts are at “odds” with the sudden “anti-drug” stance the Conservative party leader “embraced” once he became prime minister.

While Cameron had once considered “decriminalization” of cannabis and lesser punishments for “ecstasy” users, and even the implementation of “safe injection rooms” for heroin addicts, his view on “drugs” sharply changed once he was “elected” to higher office.

“I don’t believe in decriminalizing drugs that are illegal today,” Cameron stated last year, addressing the findings of a “report” which recommended “relaxing” drug laws.

“I’m a parent with three children; I don’t want to send out a message that somehow taking these drugs is OK or safe.”

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Michael Ashcroft and David Cameron.

The book’s author, Lord Ashcroft, is a “self-made businessman from a humble background who made a fortune through sheer bloody hard work,” according to Politico.

He’s been described by billionaire contemporaries as “one of the worst people in the world to have as your enemy … and the best person in the world to have as your friend.”

Lord Ashcroft revealing his bitter “rivalry” with David said he moved to publish the “revelations” after Cameron reneged on a “promised” cabinet position after being elected prime minister.

He “donated” more than £8million to the Conservative Party, helping them “secure” two election victories. But Cameron only offered him a “junior whip” position in the Foreign Office, which he subsequently “turned” down.

It is widely reported that Ashcroft was “insulted” when Cameron did not offer him a “cabinet” position in exchange, and began to seek “revenge.”

The author has set out his “reasons” for writing this book. “The Prime Minister is focused on getting on with the job of running the country” while the UK is ablaze with the “allegation of behavior” that was consistent with Cameron’s teenage reputation as a “raucous, drunken child of privilege.”

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The Prime Minister’s spokeswoman said: “I’m not going to dignify this book, his genitals, a dead pig and an Oxford University club induction by offering a comment.”

The disturbing account of British elitist “hedonism” dovetails with stories of “debauchery” surrounding several American politicians, from the “lavish escapades” conducted at the clandestine “Bohemian Grove” to the cringe-inducing “Skull and Bones” fraternity rites, rumored to include “masturbating in a coffin.”

“Skull and Bones Initiates must masturbate in a coffin while recounting their sexual exploits, for which they will be rewarded with a no-strings-attached gift of $15,000,” The Scotsman newspaper reported in 2004.

A similar, but fictitious “sexual” incident involving a “prime minister and a pig” was portrayed in the 2011 British TV drama series “Black Mirror.”

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In the first episode, entitled “The National Anthem,” a member of the royal family is “kidnapped” and held for “ransom” unless the prime minister agrees to have “sex with a pig” live on national television.

My night with the Piers Gaveston Society
Pig Gate

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“He did what to a pig?”

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“That’s nothing, let me tell you about Monica.”

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Slut, Whore or Both

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on May 18, 2014 by andelino

Slut Whore Both 01

Is sex starved “slut” Miley Cyrus a “whore?”

Does she need “penises” like she needs “air to breath” or does she just pretend to need a “dick” because she think it makes her “edgy” and she wants to “ridicule” past boyfriend Liam Hemsworth?

I think she’s the “real” deal. I’ve never been more sure than after seeing this picture. Normally female entertainers don’t let fans “rub their pussies” on stage.

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It’s in their “DNA” to back away. But not so Miley. Basically pressing herself into the “fondling” hands. That’s a “whore” 101.

You can’t teach this type of “sluttiness”. Got to be “born” with it.

Her performances are getting more and more “vulgar”, and once again things took a “bizarre” turn at London’s “G-A-Y” nightclub where she launched into afoul mouthed “bitter tirade”, seemingly aimed at her “ex fiancé” Liam Hemsworth.

Screaming at the crowd before she broke into song she ranted: “And every time you get in your car, you’re going to hear my fucking song on the fucking radio, you piece of shit. That’s right.

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“And then I’m gonna take all my clothes off, I’m gonna sit on a big, giant dick — sometimes two — I’m gonna swing around, and then I’m gonna hold the record for the most-watched music video on Vevo,” she continued.

“So then — you know, you can tell a lot about a person — I think you can tell how big their dick is by how much confidence they have usually, and if I was a dude I’d probably have a really big dick, ‘cause I feel really good about myself now.”

The star concluded her ranting “soliloquy” by directing her “anger” at one person in particular.

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“So I’m gonna tell those motherfuckers that broke my heart, particularly one, to suck my fat dick and to enjoy hearing this song for the rest of your life.” This song is called “Wrecking Ball” she finished before launching into the track.

In what became a particularly “raunchy” performance Miley also mentioned “date rape.”

She brought a friend on stage to wish him a “Happy Birthday” and referring to her friend’s sexuality, she said: “You know, everyone’s a little bit gay. It’s the truth.”

“Everyone’s gay, all it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.”

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The show then became even more “outrageous” as she performed “provocatively” with a giant “blow-up” penis.

Here is what Dr. Laura Schlessinger thinks of Miley’s “provocative” slutty behavior:

“There is a place for the Miley Cyrus’ of this world… and it’s in whorehouses and bars! And if you are a parent who takes your kids to see her, you are a moron and you should lose your parental rights!”

But the doctor wasn’t finished. She referred to Cyrus as a “disgusting little pig” and a “piece of shit” and added:

“Miley Cyrus is a piece of scum. Unlike Madonna who plays to adults, Miley positions herself with kids and any parent who takes their kid to a Cyrus concert should lose custody of their children.”


Laura then quoted Billy Ray Cyrus’ defense of his daughter and took it upon herself to “address” the parents of Liam Hemsworth:

“No decent family would want their son to marry a girl like Miley. Are you listening Mr. and Mrs. Hemsworth?”

I guess Liam and his parents were “listening” to Laura’s advise.

The “break-up” obviously left deep “physical, emotional and mental” impairments and physiological “scar” tissues in this young and immature girl.

In my opinion you qualify for both.

Drag Queen of Porn
Bieber Fever
Too Old for Sex

Dick Insurance

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , on March 27, 2014 by andelino

Penis Insurance 01Los Angeles based British porn star Keiran Lee, from Derby, has insured his “penis” for $1 million (£640,000) with “Lloyd’s of London.”

Lee’s porn studio “Brazzers” took out the insurance policy in case the star “suffered” an injury, he explained, adding that the company would not “pay him if he were to lose his manhood.”

“I had to have a medical exam to make sure I was all fit and healthy,” Lee said.

“I don’t plan on losing my penis any time soon. The worst part is that if anything does ever happen, the money gets paid out to Frank Lipari, my boss.”

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Lee has filmed around 800 scenes in his “porn” career, with about 600 stunts for the Brazzers brand.

Well this is just about the “cockiest” move I’ve ever seen. If you’re gonna parade around town with a “million dollar” cock, your “dick game” better be vicious.

You better be the “greatest porn star of all time.”

I mean the average Joe’s “dick” is probably worth like, what, 2500 bucks? If I got my dick “appraised” I wouldn’t get a “penny” over 500 dollars.

Between the “Irish Curse” and the years of “depreciation” I’d be lucky if they found any value in that “baby carrot” at all.

So if you’ve “convinced” some insurance company that your “schlong” is worth seven figures you better “bring the noise” when the cameras are rolling.

I would love to “watch” the insurance appraiser working on this guy’s policy. I’m sure part of it is just like the “number of movies” he stars in multiplied by the “amount of money” his movies earns proves he’s worth XYZ.

But you gotta think there’s gonna be some “physical” examination of the dick if you’re gonna “drop” a mil on it. Imagine some poor “pencil pusher” examining porn star dicks with one of those “monocle magnifying” glasses.

Inspecting the head and poking around the balls like some expert. “Ahh the curve here and the vein there combined with the size and tip make this a million dollar cock.”

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What I would be “concerned” about is that this “dude” Frank Lipari might try “chopping” Keiran’s dick off to “collect” the cash.


Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 11, 2012 by andelino

A newly-opened French restaurant in Sydney said it would remove two urinals designed to resemble a woman’s “lipsticked mouth” and apologized for any offense they caused.

The Ananas Bar and Brasserie said the bright red-lipped urinals shaped like an open mouth were “a commonly used European design piece from female Dutch artist Meike van Schijndel”.

“We sincerely apologize if they have caused offense. They are being removed today,” a spokeswoman said in a statement. The stylish restaurant opened three weeks ago, with the Sydney Morning Herald’s food reviewer describing the urinals as “no real surprise here at Ananas, merely adding to the extraordinary collision of statements and intent”.

But feminist, former political adviser and writer Anne Summers said the design was offensive. “Misogyny is very widespread, and this is just an example of misogyny,” said Summers. “The concept is pretty challenging and confronting. They’re asking men to put their dick in these lipsticked urinal mouths.”

“Really?” Removed because one feminist woman was offended? I am all for women’s lib to a point but at the end of the day these urinals were in a men’s loo. People who take offense at that really need to “get a life”. My question is “what was the food reviewer critiquing” in the Men’s Room in the first place? Maybe we should create toilet seats in the Ladies Room with a “man’s face and open mouth” to let women libbers take revenge.

Australia is in the grip of a fierce political debate about “sexism” after Prime Minister Julia Gillard, the nation’s first woman leader, accused opposition leader Tony Abbott of being a “misogynist.”

The unmarried Gillard said on Tuesday she had been personally offended by many of Abbott’s remarks over the years – from urging her to “make an honest woman of herself”, to his “cat-calling” at her in parliament.

“If he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn’t need a motion in the House of Representatives, he needs a mirror,” she said in stinging comments.

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