Archive for christmas

No Nerf Gun For Christmas

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , on December 18, 2020 by andelino

In a video posted online, a “social justice” Santa Grinch refused to let a little boy ask for a Nerf gun. “No, no guns,” the “woke” mall Santa told the crying boy. His mother, likely confused with the “outrage”, clarified that her son was asking for a “Nerf” gun. The fake Santa still refused…

“All this little patriot wanted for Christmas was a Nerf gun, and this anti-gun mall Santa chose to push his anti-freedom beliefs on this little boy and made him cry. This Santa had one job, and he failed miserably. Someone get this boy Nerf gun!” @whitehovse — NRA (@NRA) December 7, 2020

Got that? You can’t take your kids to sit across the table from Santa’s lap without a politically-driven, “anti-gun” lecture.

It is unclear when Nerf guns became banned, but perhaps it was only a matter of time. You have to now wonder what other toys are a “no-go” from woke Santa’s list?

By the way, what are the odds this miserable dressed up fake Santa got shot in the eye, crushed, and dunked on in a Nerf gun war during his childhood?

Nerf guns are great. Put them on your Christmas list. “You’ll still get it,” the cool mom told the crying boy seconds removed from finding out toy guns have been canceled.

I would have turned around and announced loudly to the line of kids “He’s not the real Santa! He’s a fake. This Santa thinks BLM riots are good and Nerf guns are evil.”

As non-insane Americans, we hope that the little boy, Michael, who was left in tears after a far left “fake” Santa lectured him on Nerf guns, gets a toy gun for Christmas. I am confident that his parents have taught him well and that he won’t shoot his eye out with Nerf darts.

His mother has since responded on Facebook:

“My poor baby. This was the first year Michael was excited to go see Santa. It was supposed to be magical but instead I had to watch my sweet little boy fight back tears because Santa told him no because of his own personal beliefs. I had to think fast and explain to him that this Santa was just a helper and not the real guy. I just wanted to console my baby and get him out of there, flipping out on Santa would have only made it worse. His Elfie is going to bring him a Nerf gun directly from the North Pole, from the real Santa, tonight.”

Luckily, The Blaze’s viral host Steven Crowder stepped in. On his YouTube page, which boasts a groundbreaking 5 million followers, Crowder dressed up as a Santa addressing Michael.

Crowder first apologized for the “unqualified helper,” ensuring he has “no association” with the “real” Santa.

 “That’s not the real Santa!” Crowder hilariously explained. “He’s what your parents will teach you about when you get older. He’s what we call a Communist. We had to get rid of them at the North Pole!”

Awesome. A win for Michael. A win for Crowder. Another loss for the miserable folks like that Santa, who probably did shoot himself in the eye with a Nerf gun when he was Michael’s age.

As always, get your kids Nerf guns for Christmas and enjoy time with your family while woke “Santa Grinch” sits alone watching “Sniffy” Joe Biden, Chris “Fredo” Cuomo, Cari Champion, Jemele Hill and Joy Reid on DVR.

Dear Woke Lame Ass Santa,
My name is Little Johnny. I am 13 years old.
I am hoping to qualify for my concealed carry license.
I am getting really good at the shooting range with my Mom and Dad, we go twice a week.
Can you please bring me a 9mm Glock 19? Gen5?
Maybe with a nice tricked out fast-access holster?
Oh and I’d really like a Glock G26, too, for ankle carry.
I will leave you some extra milk and cookies.
Just look for the nice house with our Lifetime NRA sticker on my dad’s truck.
Thank you and Merry Christmas!

Grinch Starbucks is Back

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on December 7, 2019 by andelino

“Grinch Starbucks” has been serving its seasonal “concoctions” in holiday cups since 1995, when the original vessel was actually closer to purple than red. After those first magenta cups in 1995 and 1996, the chain began rolling out the now-iconic candy apple red holiday cups each November that long featured more Christmas designs such as reindeer, Santa on his sleigh, Christmas lights and Christmas tree ornaments, although they didn’t explicitly say “Merry Christmas.” The cups also featured more general wintery icons like snowmen and snowflakes.

But then it really ticked-off Christmas traditionalists in 2015 by releasing a plain, ombre red cup with no designs on it at all, intended to “usher in the holidays with a purity of design that welcomes all of our stories.”

In 2015, the company released plain red cups decorated only with its logo.

The backlash against Starbucks for waging a “war on Christmas” reached fever pitch. Even then-presidential candidate Donald Trump addressed the “cup controversy” on the campaign trail. “Maybe we should boycott Starbucks,” he told a crowd in Springfield, IL. “If I become president, we’re all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you.”

Refusing to walk on eggnog shells, Trump famously tweeted “People are proud to be saying Merry Christmas again. I am proud to have led the charge against the assault of our cherished and beautiful phrase. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!” 

The following year, Starbucks scrapped the red cups for green ones featuring “a mosaic of more than a hundred people, drawn in one continuous stroke” that was supposed to be “a symbol of unity” after a contentious election year.

“During a divisive time in our country, Starbucks wanted to create a symbol of unity.”@cr_schnei — anne sackett (@as_fl) November 1, 2016

Some customers didn’t buy it, and accusations of an “anti-Christmas” bias persisted.

In 2017, the holiday cup featured more familiar Christmas symbols like snowflakes and wrapped gifts in red, white and green, as well as a “pair of holding hands.” The non-binary hand-holding spurred some conservatives to question whether Starbucks was pushing a “gay” agenda. The chain told the New York Times that, “We intentionally designed the cup so our customers can interpret it in their own way.”

In 2018, Starbucks avoided major controversy for a change by rolling out holiday cups in four different designs: a holly print; a red, white and green stripe; and two others that resemble Christmas gift wrapping paper. It also introduced a sustainable, reusable red holiday cup as a free gift for Starbucks customers who came in early and ordered a holiday drink, available while supplies lasted.

Grinch Starbucks 2019 “Merry Coffee” cups.

This year “Grinch Starbucks” is cashing in early on the 2019 holiday season with the release of its reusable red holiday cups and special holiday-themed beverages. The “Merry Coffee” cups and festive flavors appearing at Starbucks outlets across the US and Canada.

The Seattle coffee giant has brewed up plenty of controversy year over year in trying to make its festive cups more inclusive for those who don’t celebrate Christmas. And this year is no exception.

Inspired by seasonal wrapping paper, the coffee chain wanted “coming to Starbucks to be like uncovering a present,” Jen Quotson, vice president of Starbucks Creative, said in a press release.

The Starbucks’ cups come in four “Yuletide” designs: 

Polka Dots: ”The traditional Starbucks red cup is dotted with green, with the Siren playfully popping in here and there.”

Merry Dance: ”A lively pairing of red and green letters jazz up a snowy white cup with a joyful holiday wish.”

Merry Stripes: ”From a distance, this cup looks like it’s wrapped in green vintage wrapping paper. But up close, its tiny type offers a happy holiday sentiment.”

Candy Cane Stripe: ”The colors of the holiday all come together with this design as the Starbucks word mark falls like snow against stripes of candy cane red and white.”

The sleeve on Starbucks holiday drinks say, “We wish you a merry coffee.”

The makeover’s not limited to the “jolly java jugs” exterior. Starbucks took to Twitter to announce new “holiday” season drinks, including “Eggnog, Peppermint Mocha, Toasted White Chocolate, Caramel Brulee Latte and Chestnut Praline Latte.”

You can pair these with either their new turkey and stuffing Panini or the gingerbread loaf for a poor man’s Christmas dinner. Unfortunately, much to the coffee Twitterati’s chagrin, the exalted “Gingerbread Latte” will not be returning this year.

Of course, the star attraction is the free, limited-edition reusable red cup bearing the greeting “Merry Coffee,” which is available to coffee “aficionados” who order a Christmas seasonal beverage. Even better, customers who return their holiday cup to a US or Canadian Starbucks branch after 2 p.m. from Nov. 7 through Jan. 6 will get 50 cents off their beverage.

Although seemingly innocuous, “Grinch Starbucks” holiday tradition stirs up annual controversy. Many Twitter “sippers” criticized the “macchiato” merchant for refusing to use the word “Christmas” on cups, despite the holders being blatantly “Yuletide” themed.

“I’m gonna get a jump start on the Starbucks holiday cup drama by saying that ‘Merry Coffee’ is the silliest slogan I have ever heard.” — Thot Hashira (@LatinAlbert) November 6, 2019

“Multi-billion dollar corporation and they came up with Merry Coffee. Wow.” — DG (@DG6114) November 6, 2019

“Is Merry Coffee a war on Christmas?” — HayleyBecker (@HaylBecks) November 7, 2019

“Good to see the war on Christmas is going well, these cups are ugly.” — Ellen But Make It Spooky (@_ellenisdead) November 7, 2019

Many associate omitting the holiday’s name with the war on Christmas,” which has seen everything from Santa bans to celebrities reworking classic Christmas carols to make them more “woke.”

As far as I am concerned, I love the smell and taste of “Covfefe” in the morning and don’t understand why anyone waste their money on Starbucks coffee which tastes like raw dishwasher water! 

A Moment from “Merry CoffeeGrinch Starbucks….


A spokesperson for the company said that the slogan “Merry Coffee” was not an attempt to avoid using the word “Christmas.”

“During the holidays, Starbucks aspires to spark mini moments of joy in our customers when they visit our stores, making their day even more cheerful and bright. The ‘merry coffee’ tagline is not a way to avoid saying Merry Christmas, but rather, ‘Merry coffee’ is a fun and festive expression that we hope our customers feel as they take the very first sip of their favorite Starbucks holiday beverage. We honor the Christmas season each year in a variety of ways including the return of customer-favorite Starbucks Christmas Blend, back for its 35th holiday season, Starbucks partners proudly wear their red aprons, holiday music is heard in stores and holiday gifts and Starbucks Cards line our shelves.” 


How dare you “Grinch Starbucks?” We will watch you.

Christmas is Offensive to Muslim

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on November 27, 2019 by andelino

A burqa clad American Muslima says “Christmas is offensive to Muslims and it is ‘Islamophobic’ to celebrate it or even acknowledge it.” 

This goes along with a popular Muslim cleric who declared that “saying ‘Merry Christmas’ is worse than fornicating, drinking alcohol, or killing someone.”

They explain why Muslims believe the West is “evil,” yet they continue to “flock” here in droves, because it is based entirely on Christianity which is against Islam. They believe in “Sharia Law” and the whole idea of Christmas is “blasphemy” and Muslims must not accept it.

And they keep telling us that “music and dancing” in Islam are “haram” (forbidden).

Here a Imam explains why “music/dancing” is not allowed in Islam.

If that’s the case, it leaves only “one” alternative. Assimilate into our culture or go back to the third world “shithole” country you “crawled” in from.

Bottom line, Muslims don’t have to participate in anything or even acknowledge anything! All they have to do is ignore it and shut up! I am so fed up with Muslims dictating what we “can and can’t do.”

Listening to these “anti-freedom” Muslim creeps demanding the elimination of “Christmas” celebrations sends a message loud and clear that Islam must be “outlawed” in the West by Government force.

The harassment of Muslims striving to ban “Christmas, the sale of pork and alcohol products, the enforcement of paid Halal fees in commerce” is enough reason alone to “ban” Islam from the West. Obviously, there are a lot of other “threats and demands” by Muslims that also must be “rejected.” There is no place for a bully “dictatorship” belief systems like Islam in the West.

Until the government backed by the people establishes the courage to close Islam down in the West, we will never be free of Muslim “bullying” of non-Muslims.

Christmas is a time for all people whether you are Christian or not and no Muslim is going to “tell us or try to stop us” from enjoying the celebration of Christmas.

It is time for weak minded politicians to wake up and recognize, we the people, in every Western Country are fed up with the constant bully “whining, rant and rave abuse” of Muslims. Their insidious “anti-freedom” demands must be stopped.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah.

Christmas Cup Contest

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on December 25, 2016 by andelino


Never one to “cede” a Starbucks a victory, McDonald’s has upped the “ante” in the Christmas cup “controversy” contest.


Why release “plain” red cups that offend Evangelicals when it’s possible to get truly NSFW with this “latest” design?


“Now how the hell are Starbucks cups in the news again and no one’s talking about a guy spreading his cheeks open on McDonald’s cups” — Sam Sykes (@SamSykesSwears) December 11, 2016

@SamSykesSwears “whoa, that is exactly the first thing I saw. I can’t unsee it. What is it supposed to be??” — Brandon Chang (@BChangArt) December 11, 2016

“Spreading a liiiiiittle too much Christmas cheer. ;)” — I🍑HIM (@ziyatong) December 11, 2016 @ziyatong

“I can’t even. What is this *supposed* to be?” — Mededitor (@Mededitor) December 11, 2016

@jadespr1te @aspleenic “yeah, still don’t see mittens.” — John Metta ✊🏽 (@JohnMetta) December 11, 2016

“McCafé Peppermint Mocha…or as some call it, holiday perfection! Thanks @POPSUGARFood” 😋 — McDonald’s Bay Area (@McD_BayArea)


It’s certainly a “McCafé cup,” as you can see from this McDonald’s “tweet” that shows the actual design featuring “white mittens.”


So, umm, it totally looks like someone is “spreading their butt cheeks” open, right? Yep. It does.

All the “controversy” over whatever Starbucks did with their “holiday” cups last year and here’s McDonald’s “sneaking” in there with a little “Rorschach” test that might be a pair of “mittens or  someone “enthusiastically” spreading their “butt.”


Honestly, whatever “graphic designer” got this through is a “real” hero. McDonald’s won’t say “Merry Christmas” on their cups, won’t even say “Happy Holidays,” instead they go with the feather “soft and mediocre pun “Warmest Greetings” like they’re writing a “letter” to a family after settling the “Old West” in the 1800’s.


So yeah, they need a little “edge” to that cup to balance it out, the kind of edge that only a “Goatse” coffee can provide. Nothing gets me “fired” up for drinking a piping hot “brown liquid” like an image evoking a giant “gaping” butt hole. I can’t be alone in that.


Ah, the “Christmas” season. It just wouldn’t be the same without the bustle of “Yuletide” shopping, sweet “mince” pies and McDonald’s Christmas “cups” full of steaming hot drinks.

Festooned with “cozy” mittens, snowflakes and stars, it’s a scene of “innocence” that will warm the “cockles of your heart” while  spreading a little “butt cheek” Christmas cheer.

Dildo Nativity Scene

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , on December 25, 2016 by andelino

Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus painted on dildos.

It’s not “unusual” for stores across Spain to get into the “seasonal spirit” with their own special version of a “nativity scene” in the shop window.

But when “Non Sit Peccatum,” a sex shop in the town of Talavera de la Reina near Toledo chose to display “sex toys” depicting the iconic “biblical” scene, it caused somewhat of “fuss.”

Shop owner Héctor Valdivielso “commissioned” an artist to paint the figures of Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus on “ceramic” dildos.

At first, the display proved “popular” and people would pause outside to take photos of the “unusual” nativity scene.

But it wasn’t long before it started to draw “negative” attention and the owner was subjected to “angry” outbursts by people “claiming to be offended.”

“A man with his wife ordered me to remove the offending scene and said that if I didn’t he would remove it himself,” Valdivielso recounted on his Facebook account, adding that he was “subject to a barrage of insults and had to call the police.”

Next the shop sign was “vandalized” with the word “pecadores” (sinners) and the owner “discovered” a group calling themselves the “Children of the Virgin Mary” had launched a “boycott” on the store.

One day a “crowd” of around a dozen people gathered outside the shop to “harangue” customers.

“It was affecting my business,” explained Valdivielso. “Who wants to come to a store like this to hear a sermon?”.

Later, he “withdrew” the window display and “replaced” it with a poster inviting passersby to “vote on whether he should reinstate it.”

The public “overwhelmingly” voted for its return, with “78.5 percent” of the 988 people who responded, “insisting” it should be displayed.

“People asked me not to give in to blackmail,” Valdivielso said. “So it’s going back in the window”.


This is the problem with stuck up, “diehard” religious people who “freak out” about everything “Christmas” related. They’re never happy and never will be.

The people complaining about this “dildo nativity scene” are the same people who would complain about people who say “Happy Holidays” or complain that their Starbucks cup isn’t “red with Santa Claus on it.”

If you complain about people not saying “Merry Christmas” you can’t then turn around and say a “dildo nativity scene” is out of bounds. I’m sorry. You’re either “pro-Christmas or anti-Christmas.” No fence-straddling here.

That’s like being a “hypocrite.” You can’t have it “both” ways.

Ah, the “Christmas” season. It just wouldn’t be the same without the bustle of “Yuletide” shopping, sweet “mince” pies and McDonald’s Christmas “cups” full of steaming hot drinks.


Festooned with “cozy” mittens, snowflakes and stars, it’s a scene of “innocence” that will warm the “cockles of your heart” while  spreading a little “butt cheek” Christmas cheer.

18th century dildo found in bog
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Sex Will Never Be the Same With the New Cthulhu Dildo
12 weird and wonderful Christmas traditions celebrated in Spain
Sex robot cafe aims to offer Londoners fellatio with their morning coffee
Sex toys used to help chase off armed robber at San Bernardino shop

Christmas in Eurabia

Posted in uncategorized with tags , on December 25, 2016 by andelino


Opening+Christmas in Eurabia

Jihad Bells from Bethlehem

Jingle Bells – The Bethlehem 2010 Version

Top Christmas Gift in 2015

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 1, 2016 by andelino

Top Christmas Gift in 2015-05

Thanks to recent Muslim “terrorist” attacks in Chattanooga, Paris, and San Bernardino, “guns” are the biggest selling items for Christmas 2015

Kudos also goes to Barack Hussein Obama for his never-ending “threats” to issue executive orders which would further “restrict” gun sales.

On the upside, people no longer feel they can “wait” to decide whether or not to get armed to “protect” themselves and their families from that “suspicious” looking Muslim neighbor or the mosque down the street where “jihadists” always seem to be coming and going.

Top Christmas Gift in 2015-03

The convergence of “fears” over terrorism, a perceived “threat” of gun laws being changed and the Christmas holiday have sent gun sales “soaring” in what is already the busiest month of the year for “firearm” purchases.

Guns are at the top of many “Christmas” lists, especially if November is “any” indication.

Sales of “gun accessories” have also spiked as firearm retailers have seen the biggest “demand” since Obama’s re-election in 2012.

Last month, the FBI ran more than 2.2 million firearm “background” checks on potential buyers, a 24 percent “increase” from November 2014.

On “Black Friday,” a record 185,345 background checks were “processed” by the FBI.

Top Christmas Gift in 2015-06

At places like “Adventure Outdoors” in Smyrna, Georgia, business has nearly “doubled” compared to a year ago at this time, according to manager Eric Wallace.

“Ever since the Paris Islamic terrorist attacks, we’ve had a lot of customers coming in,” Wallace told Gabe Gutierrez on TODAY.

“Buying first guns, buying guns to protect their homes, their families, and themselves.”

For many women, the “gift of choice” this year is a “firearm” more than jewelry. More companies have also “tailored” their approach to attract more women.

Top Christmas Gift in 2015-04

Companies like “The Well-Armed Woman” in Scottsdale, Arizona, have done “brisk” business selling accessories like “holsters, concealed carry purses and bullet jewelry targeting female gun owners.”

Wisconsin state representative Bob Gannon posted the following statement on Facebook after a shooting at a mall in Madison.

Top Christmas Gift in 2015-07

“Wisconsin does not have a death penalty law, but with significant practice and careful aim, law abiding citizens can help clean our society of these scum bags. Criminals no longer have any fear of our courts or our prisons, so it’s time that the citizens of this fine state stand up and fight back. A gang banger in the mall with a gun is going to think twice if there could be a law abiding CCW holder standing behind them fully prepared to shoot center mass, as this is how you’re trained to eliminate the threat these creeps pose to you, your family, and all law abiding citizens unwillingly dragged into their public crime spree.”

Top Christmas Gift in 2015-01

“Well, I don’t believe that Obama and his political cronies should have any Secret Service protection since guns are weapons of mass destruction.”

“Gun Control Won’t Stop Terrorists”
‘Gun Lobby’ Has Been Winning Since 1968
Gun Owners Need To Start Shooting Criminals “Center Mass”
Miranda Lambert Gets Guns from Fan for Christmas
Rise of the Female Gun Nut
Top 20 Most Popular Concealed Carry Firearms
These People Are Thrilled They Got A Gun For Christmas

The Story of Mohammed

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , on December 17, 2014 by andelino


Christmas Gift 01

Wondering what “inexpensive” presents to buy for “Christmas” this year? Well, how about spreading around a little “Counter Jihad” cheer.

If you have been wondering how to “convince” your friends and relatives of the “dangers” of militant Islam, this is an easy way to “solve” that problem.

Why would a “Non-Muslim” want to read “The Story of Mohammed” you ask?

Well, because “Mohammed’s” story is the most “incredible” story never told.

It is said that truth is “stranger than fiction” and honestly, “no one” could have made this up. There are “battles, murders, intrigues, rapes, assassinations, torture, intimidation,” and much more.

“The Story of Mohammed” is a short book with a “big” punch. By explaining the “horrors and the dangers” of Islam through Mohammed’s “awful” deeds, it turns the subject from a “dull” text book into an action packed “adventure” story.

Along the way Mohammed invented “Jihad,” the most effective system of “conquest” ever devised. Mohammed’s life story is also the “key” which unlocks the “complexities and confusion” of the Islamic religion itself.

By understanding his story you quickly gain a “clear insight” into Islam and the incredible “importance” this subject holds for our future.

Full body and face-covering Burqas don’t protect you from “sexual” harassment by Muslim perverts. Contrary to popular belief, there are more cases of “rape” in the Muslim world than there are in the West.

This “amazing” book pulls no punches and brings the “subject” to life in a way which is both “fascinating and informative.”

Rather than looking at Islam through a “prism” of Western, and by default, Christian, perspective, it examines the “Islamic” perspective itself.

In doing so it “illuminates” the contrast between Western and Islamic “ethics and beliefs” in plain and simple language which makes it a “delight” to read.

It also avoids showing “racial” dislike towards Muslims, instead showing them as “victims” of an evil cult. Because of this, it “circumvents” the usual “accusations” of hatred and bias.

There are no “apologies,” no “excuses” and no “pretending.” This is not Islam as we “want” it to be, this is Islam as it “really” is.

Christmas Gift 02

Once you have “finished” the book, it is “glaringly” obvious that Islam poses a huge “threat” to our way of “life and liberty.” Written in clear and simple language and an easy style, this book keeps people engrossed right to the final chapter.

You need to read this book “now” because in today’s world, this “information” is vital. You can download it as a PDF file or you can read it online or check out some Amazon reviews here.

This book is “safe” to give to everyone who “wants” to understand the “religion and beliefs” of Islam. To order your “gift” copies, CLICK HERE and make this the Christmas when we “really” turned the tide.

In the USA, Amazon sells this book for just USD $6.55 and in the UK is only GBP3.92. With “free” shipping if you buy a “few” copies, this is a “timely and cheap” present which is guaranteed to get the “word” out this Christmas.

Don’t “put” this off because “tomorrow” may “never” come!

Santa Visit By Jewish Boys

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on December 15, 2014 by andelino

Jewish Santa 01

My kids don’t “really” know anything about “Santa Claus.”

When they were 4 and 2, we went to the “Baltimore Streetcar Museum” for a visit, not realizing it was the time of its annual “Christmas” celebration, during which visitors could “ride” a vintage ’50s streetcar up to the “North Pole” (i.e., the Department of Transportation’s giant salt piles up on Falls Road).

Once we got there, “Santa” climbed aboard the train, and after a round of “ho ho hos,” gave each kid a “candy cane” and asked each what “he or she” wanted for Christmas.

Other families were “prepared” with lists and cameras. My kids were “psyched” about the candy canes but otherwise “dumbfounded.” For a while after that, whenever they saw “Santa” at a mall or on TV, they would shout, “That’s the guy who gave us candy!”

The boys are 8 and 6 now, and they know “who” Santa is. Every year, we ask them not to tell their “non-Jewish” friends that Santa isn’t “real,” but we recently got a “complaint” from the parents of a “traumatized” kindergartener.

This year, City Paper thought we could put my kids’ “general lack” of experience with, or “interest” in Santa, to good use.

They’ve never talked to a “Mall Santa,” so we visited “four” of them, and got the kids to “review” their interactions with the “emotional” distance only a “Jewish” kid could provide.

Their “reviews” follow, with ratings on a scale of one to eight “Hanukkah” candles, not including the “Shamash,” duh.

Santa 01

TOWSON TOWN CENTER – None of the three of us had ever visited a Mall Santa, so we were all a little nervous as we approached our first late on a weekday afternoon.

When we got to the Towson Mall’s elaborate “Santa Land”, with cool overhead lights that make it look like it’s snowing, there was an empty chair and a sign that said, “Santa is feeding the reindeer and will be back in one hour.”

Santa did finally arrive, aided a by a red-and-white striped cane, and we were all a little star struck. I tried to videotape the encounter with my phone, but was sternly told “No cameras!” Wow, Santa is famous.

St. Nick warmly invited the boys to sit on either side of him and asked them what they wanted for Christmas. Jack, 8, was quick to request a remote-controlled airplane, while Benny, 6, asked some questions first.

“We’re Jewish,” he leveled, bluntly. “Will you still bring us presents?”

After a moment’s pause, Santa said, “Sure!” He turned to me and said, “You know, I haven’t had a DNA test, but I think I’m part-Jewish, along with English and Scottish.”

Wait until my boys tell their friends “Santa is Jewish.” Imagine the calls I’ll get from other parents then.

The boys liked him. “I think he was the nicest,” Benny said after visiting all four Santa’s. Jack adds, “Also, he had a really big chair that we could all fit in.”

Santa 011

Santa 02

WHITE MARSH – The White Marsh Santa seemed a bit younger and more energetic, with cool dark streaks in his beard. It’s worth noting that all the Santa’s seemed to have real beards. It’s apparently a pre-requisite for the gig these days.

This time, the boys asked if Santa celebrated “Hanukkah.” Without missing a beat, White Marsh Santa replied energetically, “Absolutely! Santa’s an ‘ecumenical’ guy!’” And he has a solid vocabulary too!

Jack, who apparently took note of the seating arrangements in each North Pole, notes, “He had a long couch to sit on,” and “he was so nice.” Benny adds, “He was the cuddliest.”

Santa 022
Santa 03

THE SHOPS AT KENILWORTH – Kenilworth is actually the one mall that we do tend to visit around Christmastime. They have the awesome, elaborate train display on the first floor, a delight for kids of all faiths.

Also the pizza at Italian Gardens is solid, one of the few in the area to serve good Chicago-style deep dish, a favorite of this Jew.

It’s also the only mall of the four we reviewed that is not owned by General Growth Properties (GGP), and so its Santa operation is a little different.

It’s smaller and a bit cheaper, and includes prints from the second-floor Ritz Camera and free Santa cookies from the awesome bakery Ashley’s Sweet Beginnings downstairs.

At the other malls, the elves were young, presumably seasonal workers hired by GGP.

Here, it was two older guys who, it seems, had been contracted to run the Santa operation.

Santa himself was good-natured if not exactly chatty. He asked the boys what they wanted for Christmas, and when Jack repeated his now “routine request” for a remote-controlled airplane, the elf behind the camera’s eyes lit up.

“If you’re new to the hobby, you should probably get an RTF,” he said excitedly, reaching for his phone and explaining to me that a “ready-to-fly” plane comes mostly assembled.

For several minutes he “blathered” on and flipped through “pictures and videos” on his phone of his various model planes, while me, the boys, and Santa all looked on in “bored” bewilderment.

Benny, who was growing “tired” of our Santa project by this point, had to be “goaded” to ask Santa the pertinent questions.

“We’re not Christian,” he said awkwardly, and for the first time I wondered if I should feel “badly” about enlisting my kids in this journalistic mission. “We’re Jewish. Will you still bring us presents?”

“Uh, sure,” Santa stammered, clearly taken aback. “We do Jewish.”

As I went ahead to pay for our pictures, the two elves were discussing at length their mind-blowing trip to the Air Force Museum in Dayton, Ohio.

In review, Jack notes, “That guy knew a lot about airplanes and I really liked the videos.” Benny adds, “I kept slipping off the chair.”

Santa 033

Santa 04

MONDAWMIN MALL – The last Santa we visited was at a disadvantage from the get-go as we were all getting a little tired of the “Santa Shtick.” Unlike you goyim, at least we get to go without it for the rest of the Holiday Season.

This project worked out to be kinda like those smoking cessation programs where you have to smoke, like, 100 butts an hour until you’re so sick of them that you never want to smoke again. I don’t think my kids will be anxious to celebrate Christmas anytime soon.

Fortunately, we were all really charmed by Mondawmin’s Santa and his elves. This Santa, the only “African-American” of the four we met, invited the boys right up and chatted with them quietly for much longer than any of the others.

I asked the boys later what they talked about, and they said he asked where they went to school and what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Santa was apparently really excited when Jack said he wanted to be a wrestler, and they talked about wrestling for a while.

Googling later, I found out that Mondawmin’s Santa has been at it for more than 30 years, and is fairly legendary, known as “Santa Luke.”

After he was done chatting with the kids, he asked if we could take a picture with the four of us and one of the super-friendly elves snapped it.

Asked the now-perfunctory question about visiting Jewish families, Santa Luke answered, “Sure, we can bring your presents.”

“He was the coolest,” Benny says in retrospect. “He was so nice.” Jack adds, smiling, “He thought I would be a great wrestler.”

Santa 044

This mom’s little spiel about being “sick” of Santa is outrageous. You’re tired of giving your children “comfort and joy?”

And your kids are “lying” to you about not being “head over heels” for Christmas.

Never seen a kid more “high” on Christmas “spirit” than the one on the left, and the other one looks like “John Blutarsky” about to partake in a “joyous” food fight.

They’re loving it. “Check Mate.” Your kids now belong to “Santa” and will celebrate “Christmas” instead “Hanukkah.”

The North Pole is out of our jurisdiction

ObamaCare for Christmas

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on December 8, 2013 by andelino

Obamacare for Christmas 02

Winter Solstice has come early this year!

Is it already “Christmas” for Christians, “Kwanzaa” for the black folks, “Hanukkah” for the children of Israel and “Holidays” for the progressive Liberals!

Now we can talk about the “true” meaning of the season – “a state sponsored healthcare” – given to us by President Obama to save us from the sins of “self-reliance and liberty.”

ObamaCare – the “Reason for the Season” is definitely the “gift that will keep on giving!”

Here are some “helpful” suggestions how to go about “talking and persuading” your family members and friends to sign up for “ObamaCare” to have the best “health care” for next year.

As a public “safety” reminder, be sure to set aside extra time this “Holiday” season to work with your attorneys in dealing with “Identity Theft” that experts are saying could result from using!


Obama Night – The Healthcare’s Shining Brightly

Jingle bells, ObamaCare’s swell!
Website’s down again.
Oh what fun it is to type
My data all over again!

Jingle bells, this is hell,
Fingers feel like wood.
I’m so happy to endure this pain
To make Obama look good!

Typing all night long,
Some hacker stole my name.
The application’s so damn long
It’s driving me insane!

Can’t get a subsidy
I make too damn much dough.
And now the damn thing’s 404
So I’ll start all over again!

Silent Night… Obama Night… Website’s crashed… Down for the night…

Oh… (repeat Obama Chorus)

Watch the “almost” Son of Barack Obama all the way to the end.

Obamacare for Christmas 01

Ho! Ho! Ho! – “ObamaCare” for “Christmas” this year.

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