Archive for bruce jenner

No Appetite For Sex

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2017 by andelino

Bruce Jenner “reveals” in his upcoming “memoirs” that he may never be “intimate with women again,” but might be “open to a male companion.”

“I don’t have the appetite for sex, which is why the public’s obsession over whether I would get gender confirmation surgery is annoying to me,” writes the 67-year-old “clueless rich white transgender” in the book “The Secrets of My Life,” which will be “released” later this month.

“It hearkens back to this misperception that people transition because of their sexual desires.”

“A future female companion? I think about that. A future female sexual companion? Not happening, at least for now, and perhaps not ever,” he wrote in a section of the book completed prior to his “gender confirmation surgery.”

“A future male sexual companion? I have never had the inclination. But maybe that attitude might possibly change when I have the final surgery.”

So I guess there are “two main takeaways” here:

1) Somewhere between the book being written and excerpts leaking, Bruce did get the “Final Surgery” to give him lady bits.

2) Despite all the magazine covers and garish outfits and fancy makeovers, Bruce still doesn’t fully know what it’s like to be a woman who’s interested in men.

Here’s a “quote” he gave People talking about “getting” the gender reassignment surgery:

“Transitioning is about nothing else but your soul. You are no more a woman the day after the surgery than the day before, okay?”

Sure, “inside” he’s always been the woman his “outside” now reflects.

But I would “argue” you’re not truly “living” the full experience as a woman by “filleting your penis into a vagina” until you get that “first dick” in there.

I’m sure Bruce was satisfied with his “femininity” after the original surgeries and transitioning, but getting that new “vagina and not getting a dick” in there is like spending years “waiting” to get a Ferrari and not ever “taking” it out of the garage.

How much of “womanhood” is tied up in “sex” with men?

Sarah Jessica Parker weaponized women’s “love for a dick” as an expression of “womanhood” in a TV show for a decade.

You go to brunch next to a “table of ladies” and you know what they’re talking about? “Sex.” It’s part of what it “means to be a woman in 2017.”

“No appetite for it”? Screw that. You’ve come this far, you “owe” it to yourself to “cross” the finish line.

“Little dicks, big dicks, Asian dicks, black dicks, dicks dressed like Mr. Peanut, whatever kind of dick you can conjure up in your imagination deserves a stopover on Bruce’s journey of self-exploration. No half measures, no half-inchers.”

I can’t wait for Bruce “telling” the world how it “felt the first time he had intercourse and lost his virginity in the deflowering process.”

What a “confused” individual.

Kendall Jenner “seems” to follow the “footsteps” of her Dad.


Jenner Feels ‘Liberated’ after Sex Reassignment Surgery
Jenner is done with women but will consider sex with men
It’s Finally The End For Jenner
Criticizing Jenner doesn’t mean you’re transphobic.

Long Live Bruce Jenner

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on May 1, 2016 by andelino

Bruce Jenner 12 (2) Bruce Jenner 13 (2)

The name “Bruce Jenner” has really taken a “beating” in recent years.

At first it meant: “Eat your Wheaties and be like this guy.”

Then it meant: “Watch this pathetic milquetoast get humiliated by the Kardashians every week.”

And lately it means: “Stop dead naming this beautiful woman who has always been a woman and always will be a woman, you transphobic bigot!”

It’s a damn “shame” what’s happened to the “Bruce Jenner brand.”

Watch Bruce Jenner learning to have a “gender-free” orgasm…

But now the “good old days” are back!

Now you can say the “name” Bruce Jenner with “pride” once more.

According to the Sun-Sentinel a Florida man has taken that “mantle” upon himself:

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“New” Bruce Jenner, formerly Mark Behar.

“This Bruce Jenner was formerly Mark Behar, an actor and bodyguard who legally had his name changed in order to preserve the ‘heterosexual roots’ of Jenner’s original name” according to a statement from his publicist, Tom Madden.

The “new”  Bruce Jenner said he thinks “keeping the name Bruce Jenner alive and well is a big story,” according to the PR firm.

Mark Behar, a Delray Beach, FL “private security specialist, bodyguard to celebrities and occasional extra” in movies and TV shows “once” fought “old” Bruce Jenner in a celebrity boxing match long before he became “Caitlyn.”

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Bodyguard Mark Behar with Kim Kardashian a few years back. Now known as the “new” Bruce Jenner.

He “petitioned” Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge David French to “change” his name in January.

After “proving” he wasn’t trying to “escape” prosecution, an “angry” wife or “debt” collectors, Behar was “granted” his wish to become the “new” Bruce Jenner.

“I think keeping the name Bruce Jenner alive and well is a big story,” said the “new” Bruce Jenner shortly after “hearing” his name “change” was approved.

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“New” and “Old” Bruce Jenner.

Tom Madden, his publicist said “Mark is now legally Bruce so the famous Bruce Jenner name will return to its heterosexual roots, where our client believes it belongs instead of hanging around out with the likes of the Kardashians and killing an lady in a car accident as Caitlyn.”

The “old” Bruce Jenner became a “sports icon” 40 years ago in July when he “won” the gold medal in the “decathlon” at the 1984 Montreal Olympic Games.

In essence, the “medal” made Jenner, who “beat” the mighty Soviet Union’s competitors, one of the “greatest” athletes of all times.

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Decathlon Champion Bruce Jenner 1984 Olympic Games in Montreal.

In 1991, however, Jenner fell in with the “Kardashians” when he married “matriarch” Kris Jenner.

He “starred” in several seasons of the reality TV’s “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” then his own spinoff, “I Am Cait,” after transitioning into a woman named “Caitlyn Marie Jenner.”

That didn’t “sit “well with Behar.

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“Old” Bruce Jenner keeping his “penis” neatly tucked away.

“Behar is the macho heterosexual actor and bodyguard who provided backstage personal protection to Donald Trump and other celebrities,” Madden says.

“But now legally has been granted the right to the legendary name of the decathlete gold medalist Bruce Jenner.”

If changing your name from “Bruce to Caitlyn” makes you a “woman,” why doesn’t changing your name from “Mark to Bruce” make you an “Olympic Champion?”

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Now that “transgender” Bruce Jenner has “revealed” that he never really “was” a man to begin with, he’s no longer “qualified” to keep the “gold medal” and needs to “hand it” over to the “real” Bruce Jenner.

On the other hand,, who are we to tell that “old” Bruce Jenner wasn’t a “trans-Olympian world-class decathlete?”  He was simply BMI fluid over time.

The “old” Bruce Jenner is “dead.” Long live the “new” Bruce Jenner!

Bloodless Period

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2016 by andelino

Death Of Masculinity 00

The “men” of the millennial generation have tried with all their might to “kill off” what’s left of masculinity, bringing us man buns, male feminists, gender neutral clothing and a slew of men made in the “image” of Grandpa Bruce Jenner.

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Grandpa Bruce Jenner.

But it looks like one 22-year-old university student, George Fellowes, finally put the last “nail” in the manhood coffin: “Fellowes swears he gets his period each month.”

According to the BBC, Fellowes “claims” that he has been getting his period “without bleeding” for three years now.

He says he’s so close to his “best friend and flat mate” Amber-May Ellis that he “gets cramps each month when she has her period.”

Death Of Masculinity 01

He even has taken “sick days” because of his “gender-free period” that he doesn’t have.

“I do believe men can have periods without bleeding,” stated Fellowes.

The student explained his “theory” about syncing up with his flat mate’s uterus: “I think it’s a psychological thing because we’re so close, we feel the same emotions,” he said.

“If you’re hanging out with someone and you’re really close, I think it’s only natural your hormones would sync up.”

Death Of Masculinity 05

Fellowes said that the period symptoms set in “like clockwork every month.”

“I get pain in my lower abdomen and in the groin area. I get super moody, really erratic and angry with most of my friends,” he added.

Though the millennial owned up to getting “emotional” during that time of the month, he made it “clear” that he’s not a crier: “I’m not really one for a cry but during that time of the month I’m an emotional wreck.”

Being the good “feminist” he is, George made it a point to let women know that they “suffer much worse period pains than he does” with his fake one.

“It’s probably a pinch of salt in comparison but I’m just not used to it,” he said. “Most women have it most of their lives and I’ve only had it a couple of years.”

Except “getting” your period isn’t a “sickness” if you’re female.

The BBC notes that Fellowes even consulted his doctor about his “bloodless” period symptoms, but “there was no medical explanation and he was given abdomen pain pills.”

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists told “Newsbeat” it is possible for George to have a psychological “response” to Amber but by “definition” he can’t suffer “Premenstrual Syndrome” as it is not “hormonally” mediated.

Death Of Masculinity 04

I suspect George suffers from “Munchausen” syndrome associated with severe “emotional” difficulties.

It is a factitious “mental” disorder, in which a person “repeatedly and deliberately” acts as if he or she has a “physical or mental” illness when he or she is “not really sick.”

Transitioning from “man” to what you think is a woman, is a “complex” journey filled with “medical” hurdles, “sociological” pitfalls, and a fundamental “shift” in how you view wardrobe.

Grandpa Bruce Jenner has “faced” all of the aforementioned, head on… and now he is “tackling” arguably the most important and “difficult” step in his transition: “learning how to fake a ‘gender free’ orgasm.’”

For those of you who are not familiar with a “gender free” orgasm, or orgasms in general, allow the clip below to be your road map.

Here is another clip for your viewing pleasure…

If Men Had Periods – Mama Tokus poem

If men had periods…
They’d be men-struating.

They’d use man-ty liners and man-pons.
Thin little Lillets with strings that’re really long.
Girls, we’d be the ones deciding
To go down on them if they were on.
If men had periods.

If men had periods, their poor swollen balls
Would make it hard for them to sit down and be comfortable.
They’d secretly wear big pants, busting out their usual clothing.
They may be excused from swimming.
If men had periods.

Women, get this!
They’d be our blood brothers once a month.
Get tearful at the slightest emotional thing.
They’d get MPMT.
Man-flu? We can only shudder at what Man-Cramps might bring.

Maybe periods for a man would be celebrated,
Shouted about, ranked, displayed, rated.
“I’m Super-Plus. Yeah, well I’m Super-Duper Plus.”
If men had periods.

Sports superstars would advertise “Le-llets”
The Best A Man Can Get!
Featuring Kevlar-String Theory TM
For toughness and ultra-confidence
Keeping you on top of your game when you’re on.

With geezers on the rag, football matches could turn really ugly.
Or not. Maybe there’d be tribes of weepy men
With all that league-table estrogen.
Imagine: The Moon Cup Final…
If men had periods.

It’s still a man’s world, right?
So they’d be perfectly put to problem-solve on period policy.
Vote in menses leave: 2 days off each month
Cut tax on essential sanitary protection
Force through benefits for bleeders

Hear our entreaties, Sanitary protector sweeties!
O bleedin’ geezers!
Power-wielding period-patriarchs!
Boardroom-mates in the majority!
O task-based deliverers,
Supreme Map readers: find a kinder monthly route
For all us menstrual cyclists.

If we both had periods, we’d have to understand you
And love you for it.
We’d know to drape you in duvet and bring you chocolate.
How could we not?
If men had periods.

Maybe machismo would ameliorate
If men were to menstruate.
More wars stopped. Fewer fights,
Less disparity, an equality correction
Maybe put the sanity into sanitary protection
If men had periods.

Death Of Masculinity 02

 

Passing as a Woman

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2015 by andelino

Ally of the Year 01

Bruce Jenner had no idea the “minefield” he stepped into when he decided to “pass as a woman.”

The slightest “deviation” from approved language or thought lands you in deep “trouble” with the paladins monitoring the ramparts of the “new normal.”

Jenner placed seventh in Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” and offered an interview to the magazine in which he said he tried to project a “good image” for the trans community.

What did he “mean” by that?

“One thing that has always been important for me, and it may seem very self-absorbed or whatever, is first of all your presentation of who you are. I think it’s much easier for a trans woman or a trans man who authentically kind of looks and plays the role. So what I call my presentation. I try to take that seriously.”

“I think it puts people at ease. If you’re out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable. So the first thing I can do is try to present myself well. I want to dress well. I want to look good. When I go out, as Kim says, you’ve got to rock it because the paparazzi will be there. The second thing I want to do in living my life authentically is be intelligent on the subject. Hopefully as time goes on I’ll learn more and more and more and get better at that.”

That was “enough” to set off trannies “alarm” bells.

“Queer Latino” writer Matthew Rodrequez, at Identities.Mic wrote,

“Jenner is essentially talking about the idea of ‘passing’, which is not always the goal of every transgender person. The pressure to ‘pass,’ to fit society’s idea of what a cisgender man or cisgender woman looks like, weighs heavy on many trans people.”

Jenner was “scolded” for having the “resources” to at least roughly “resemble” a woman.

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The “condemnatory” tweets came “fast and furious”

“Yep. Caitlyn Jenner is becoming outright harmful to trans women.” https://t.co/xijrvoaQlj — Sophia Banks (@sophiaphotos) December 12, 201

“I just read that article with Caitlyn Jenner saying trans women have to try as hard as possible to appease cis folks. Not look like men. SMH” — Sophia Banks (@sophiaphotos) December 12, 2015

“Caitlyn Jenner is pretty much attacking low income trans women and women like me who are visibly trans. Reminds me of 90’s websites I read” — Sophia Banks (@sophiaphotos) December 12, 2015

“Not here for Caitlyn Jenner saying you appease cisnormativity or you are a failure. Fuck that. Everything I stand against as a trans woman” — Sophia Banks (@sophiaphotos) December 12, 2015

“Fuck Caitlyn Jenner and her shitting on other trans women. I’m DONE with her reality TV media time suck bullshit.” https://t.co/gsDjbERSFW — Mari Brighe (@MariBrighe) December 11, 2015

It may take a while for new “trannies” to get the hang of “acceptable” lingo.

Chastity Bono, now living as a “man” named Chaz, got into a “spat” with Kathlyn Elizabeth Beatty, the “daughter” of Warren Beatty and Annette Benning, now living as a “man” named Stephen Ira.

Passing as a Woman 01

Chastity Bono, now living as a man named Chaz.

Bono compared his “transgenderism” to being born with a “cleft” palate.

Passing as a Woman 02

Stephen Ira Beatty calls himself “a trans man, a faggy queen, a homosexual, a queer, a nerd fighter, a writer, an artist and a guy who needs a haircut.”

Stephen Ira Beatty “wrote” on his blog,

“I do not have a birth defect. If you feel like you have a birth defect, fine. That’s how you feel. Go feel that. Do not put it onto me. Do not define me that way, and do not define other trans people that way unless they claim that label.”

The new “transgender” world is a forever a “changing” mine-field.

Kris & Bruce Jenner

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2015 by andelino

Kris and Bruce 02

Kendall Jenner’s big “Victoria’s Secret” fashion show debut may be a “thing of the past,” but there is really a good “reason” to talk about it again.

Kris and Bruce 04

Yes, she powered through the “runway” in two gorgeous outfits, “camel toe” included, and then hit up the “after party” in the prettiest “half” bun,

But most importantly, she invited two “sextarians” to the show: “her parents.” But it was Bruce who “upstaged” Kris at the fashion show.

While they played “happy” family supporting Kendall making her “Angel” debut, I have to say Kris got “destroyed.”

That must “kill” her.

2015 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show - Front Row

Everyone knows Kris is the “Head Bitch In Charge” (HBIC) so getting run “out of the building” by your former husband has to make her “blood” boil.

This was “really” no contest.

Kris’ dress looks like the place mat on the “breakfast table” at Christmas time while Bruce in his long-sleeved black dress let his artificial “side boob” all out.

Kris and Bruce 01

Kris has those nana legs with “spider” veins while Bruce’s looked like they could “win” a decathlon tomorrow.

Hair? Bruce’s long, “wavy” hair all day.

The only place Bruce was “losing” are those hands which look like they were made to jerk off “pepper-shaker” style.

Guaranteed Kris went home, “drank” 10 bottles of Chardonnay and ripped the head’s off “bunnies” while she asked “Mirror, Mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all.”

You don’t take an “ass kicking” like that without needing to perform your well known, “I’m beauty and power personified” routine.

Ally of the Year 01

Can’t wait to see the first mature “trans” flick with Bruce.

Rose McGowan Calls Out “Woman of the Year” Bruce Jenner for “Male Privilege”

Ally of the Year

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2015 by andelino

Ally of the Year 02

Posing on the cover of the latest “Out 100” issue as the publication’s “Ally of the Year,” Barack Hussein Obama has made “history” by becoming the first “gay” Muslim U.S. president on the cover of an LGBTFQAPBCU© (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, fag, queer, anal power, bottom confused, undecided) magazine.

“The 44th President of the United States is our ‘Ally of the Year,’ a president who came to office on a wave of euphoria, appeared to lose momentum halfway through, and has since rallied, helping us secure ‘same sex marriage’ equality, among other landmark initiatives that are transforming our place in America,” the editors of Out wrote in an article accompanying the cover.

Rainbow House 00

Obama granted a wide-ranging interview to the “LGBTFQAPBCU©” publication, weighing in on his administration’s focus on “gay rights,” the “generational difference” in his daughters’ attitudes toward “homosexuality” and the role the United States could play in “challenging” the human rights records of more “restrictive” regimes around the world.

Obama told the magazine his fight for equality began “from when I was a kid, because my mom instilled in me the strong belief that every person is of equal worth.”

Obama explained:

“At the same time, growing up as a black guy with a funny name, I was often reminded of exactly what it felt like to be on the outside. One of the reasons I got involved in politics was to help deliver on our promise that we’re all created equal, and that no one should be excluded from the American dream just because of who they are. That’s why, in the Senate, I supported repealing  the ‘Defense of Marriage Act’ (DOMA.) It’s why, when I ran for president the first time, I publicly asked for the support of the LGBTFQAPBCU© community, and promised that we could bring about real change for LGBTFQAPBCU© Americans.”

Ally of the Year 03

Obama also said he “wasn’t surprised” by the Supreme Court’s “decision” in Obergefell v. Hodges earlier this year, which legalized “same sex marriage” nationwide.

“Well, I try not to guess how the Supreme Court is going to rule,” Obama said when asked if he expected the Supreme Court’s decision, adding:

“But even before the decision came down, one thing was clear: There had been a remarkable attitude shift — in hearts and minds — across America. The ruling reflected that. It reflected our values as a nation founded on the principle that we are all created equal. And, by the way, it was decades of our brothers and sisters fighting for recognition and equality — and too frequently risking their lives or facing rejection from family, friends, and co-workers — that got us to that moment.”

Obama also offered some advice for the “Kim Davise’s of America.” Davis, a Kentucky court clerk, was briefly jailed earlier this year for “refusing” to issue a marriage license to a “same-sex” couples, citing her Christian beliefs.

“I am a man of faith and believe deeply in religious freedom, but at the end of the day, nobody is above the rule of law, especially someone who voluntarily takes an oath to uphold that law,” Obama told the magazine. “That’s something we’ve got to respect.”

You can read the “rest” of Obama’s “gay” interview in the Out Magazine hitting the newsstands later this month.

Ally of the Year 04

Finally, Obama is an “ally, hero and icon,” something he couldn’t “achieve” as President of the United States of America.

Ally of the Year 01

Bruce Jenner, the “female” version of being a “ally, hero and icon.”

One Round Initiative

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on June 28, 2015 by andelino

One Round Initiative 06

President Obama met with key “security and defense” officials, including DHS Secretary Johnson and NRA President James W. Porter II, in a new “nationwide” effort by the federal government to “restrict” all gun magazines to “one” round.

The “One Round Initiative,” endorsed by both House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and former DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano (D), will apply to all “firearms” in the United States, when passed.

One Round Initiative 05

A copy of the “initiative,” obtained via a “Freedom of Information Act” (FIA) request, states that “All police forces shall be allocated federal funding to purchase equipment for the modification of firearms.”

It is also stated that “There shall be programs set in place for citizens to obtain modification kits that shall not require external equipment.”

One Round Initiative 03

The “One Round Initiative” will require all gun manufacturers to “modify” their industrial equipment so that only “one-round” magazines may be made.

All previously produced “multiple-round” magazines will be federally “criminalized” in all 50 states and U.S. Territories.

The oversight of “gun” manufacturers will be handled by the “Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives” (ATFE) and will cost an estimated $75 billion dollars per year.

One Round Initiative 02

Any firearms “imported” into the US or “brought” from other countries via a border “checkpoint” will be required to have a “one-round” magazine permanently installed before “import or border” crossing.

The “penalty” for not complying with this law will be the “confiscation” of the firearm, which, in the case of “border” crossing, will be held at the border checkpoint until the person “crosses” back over the border.

If “delivered” by mail, imported firearms will be “mailed” back to the company or sender.

One Round Initiative 00

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest explained the President’s decision by saying, “We want to make it more difficult for members of ISIS who may already be here in the United States to use firearms in mass-killings. The restriction will also reduce crime and the number of gun-related deaths in the United States.”

Pennsylvania Representative and House Homeland Security Committee Member Scott Perry (R), told the press that he thinks this Initiative “is unconstitutional and an example of government overreach. Gun owners have the right to have as many rounds in a magazine as they want, especially if there is a chance they can stop a terrorist attack, while terrorists don’t even need guns to blow stuff up.”

President Obama plans to “sign” the Executive Order starting the “One Round Initiative” next month.

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest announced that Barack Obama has completed his “transition” to dictator for life and should no longer be referred to as “President Obama.”

One Round Initiative 04

Even though he was elected President, he self identifies as a “’Supreme Overlord,” explained Earnest, “and we must be tolerant of his decision and respect that this is who he really is.”

Earnest admitted that many of the “Supreme Overlord’s” closest confidants knew that he was never “comfortable” pretending to live the “checks and balances” lifestyle of the presidency.

“We watched the Supreme Overlord declare the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, legalize undocumented immigrants with a pen and phone… the signs were everywhere.”

Earnest credited “Transvestite” Bruce Jenner and “Diversity Czar” Rachel Dolezal for “demonstrating” that the time was “right” for the transition.

One Round Initiative 07

“Those beautiful, courageous women showed that America is ready to accept, even adore, people who will not be defined by antiquated physical and legal limitations.”

Earnest noted that the “Supreme Overlord” seems to have a new “confidence” and spirit of “freedom,” and that he has the full “support” of Madame “Michelle” Overlord.

When asked whether this action was “permissible” under the Constitution, Earnest replied “that is bigoted hate speech, and bigots go to Gitmo.”

This “sounds” reasonable to me. You have to remember that “liberal” gun owners are traditionally “irresponsible” with an “itchy” trigger finger and cannot be “trusted.”

Guns for Liberals