Archive for anus

Jihad Anal Love

Posted in sex with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2015 by andelino

Anal Jihad 01

Raymond Ibrahim reports about a new “fatwa” that explicitly legitimizes sodomy and even makes it “obligatory” if it helps to wage “Jihad” on the unbelievers.

An Arabic “news” video has made the rounds on the Internet, in which an Islamic scholar “earnestly” informs jihadists of an “innovative and unprecedented way to execute martyrdom by placing explosive capsules in the anus.”

However, to undertake this “jihadi” approach you must agree to be “sodomized” for a while to widen your anus “so it can hold the explosives.”

“Ass-Sahab” present the “Al-Qaeda Training Video”:

Full Video Transcript:

Are you a “sexually” frustrated young man? Then you’ve come to the right place. Hi, I am Ayman al-Zawahiri, Osama bin Laden’s “backdoor” man.

You may remember me from such instructional videos as “Five Terrific Reasons to Blow Yourself Up” and “Al Qaeda Martyrs’ Excellent Retirement Plan.”

In this “video” I want to talk to you about creating “butt” bombs.

Did you know that the word “ASS-ASS-IN” comes from the Middle East? What social “loser” wouldn’t like to take one in the “ass” for Allah?

Become a “butt-bomber” in five easy steps with this “butt-stuffing” instructions.

Have your butt buddy “get you off” with a text message while you have your final “orgasmic” experience of a lifetime.

“Ass-assassination” will never feel the same again.

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Al Qaeda: We shove bombs up our butts!

Step 1: Explosives.

If you have been watching my series you know how to make explosives. But because this one will go up your butt you must mix it with polymers to stiffen it up for ease of insertion, and mold it into the only shape that Allah provided to get the job done.

Make it smooth, textured, or lovingly bumpy, but make sure it is a perfect fit for you. Before you decide on the width and length, insert a vegetable, like carrot or cucumber up your bung and walk with it. Don’t be afraid to play Goldilocks and try different sizes. Something too long may create the tent-pole phenomenon in the back of your pants.

When you make calculations, don’t confuse the circumference with the diameter. We don’t want you to become jaded and go on a mission with a defeatist attitude or with impossibly high expectations.

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Step 2: Lubricants.

KY Jelly or rendered rancid sheep fat? You may find that KY dries rather rapidly. Of course use rendered rancid sheep fat! That way there will be no unfamiliar smell to give you away. It will also throw off the sniffing dogs. It is safe unless the airports start fluoroscoping all travelers with Preparation H.

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I knew a butt-bomber, a very sweet young man, who went for spicy cinnamon oil to avoid the bomb detectors. But they spotted him because of the squirming. The bomb was withdrawn prematurely.

Some believe that petroleum-based lubricants offer the best secondary explosion, but that is an old wife’s tale. Even water-based brands contain ingredients to enhance the incendiary effect, with or without the warming sensation.

Glycerin can be found in KY Jelly, Sylk, Astroglide, Probe, and Aqua lube. But be careful because the sugar can encourage yeast growth. Stop using any product that causes skin irritation.

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Step 3: Preparation “stop worrying and learn to love the bomb”

Find yourself a butt buddy. For starters let him send a gerbil up your bung through the cardboard tubing from a paper towel roll. It will widen your bomb-storage facility and make you accustomed to the pleasure and accept it as desirable.

Then take turns practicing with Doc Johnson Pocket Rocket. It always hits my sweet spot. But of course modern technology has created masterpieces that rotate, vibrate, thrust, jiggle, wiggle, squirt, and simply bring out a wilder side to anyone who uses them. Be creative. Some use al-Qaeda anal beads, but they’re not for everybody.

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When you get good at it, proceed with Allah “Fisting!” Show your dedication to Allah by opening up to Him! But tell your “butt” buddy to remove his ring.

Make it closer to field conditions by inserting a telephone set on vibrate. You’ll find it fun once you get past the buttons. Or is it the other way around? It’s undetectable and hands free. You can even learn to send and receive secret messages. How do you think I have avoided the CIA for so long?

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The possibilities are endless! Do you see my AK 47 rifle behind my back? No? I didn’t think so. It fits completely, but it takes time to pull it out. In my other videos I have bookshelves in the background. I could pull them out too. Maybe for the next video. I like to keep my Koran and Hadith handy, so to speak.

Step 4: The big Orgasm.

A wise man said, go West, young man, and blow up with the country! By all means! Stick the bomb up your butt and go! The thought of a butt bomb can be scary to some. But you will find yourself having a fun time if you follow my advice.

Think of it as a blind date. Don’t be late. Check your calendar. Remember that the Ramadan Fast provides us with extra bomb storage. Cancel all appointments and keep the phone lines clear. Pray to Allah that no one will text you a random joke and your Mom doesn’t call you to ask about the condition of your butt itch.

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Play it safe by going off in a public place. Wear clothes that give you confidence. Carrying penis-shaped explosives in your butt can be stressful enough, so you better feel like you’re at the top of your game. Choose a location that is free of mushy memories.

And you don’t want a spot where you might run into an old friend from school or a relative. This can make things awkward, especially if you start exchanging phone numbers. They may try to test it and send you a text message. That could be embarrassing.

Step 5: Paradise.

This is the part where you stop worrying. Your training has prepared you for an eternity of pleasures. Meet the 72 houris. Allah willing you won’t be fit for any other recreational activity.

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There may not be any lubricants, but there sure will be plenty of sand. With your extra-wide rectum you’ll be one happy martyr. Others will not be so lucky.

And that is the whole point of becoming a “butt” bomber. 100% Halal.

Anal Jihad is in the focus of reluctant public attention again, three years after a half-assed attempt at assassination of a Saudi official with a pound of explosives stuck up a jihadist’s rectum.

So let’s shout a hearty “Allahu Akbar” for the “butthole” bombers and “goat” humpers.

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No wonder Jihadists “stick” bombs up their butts if this is what Jihadists “pussies” look like.

For the Sake of Islam

Posted in uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2012 by andelino
Bomber Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri

Bomber Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri

Not only did the original “underwear bomber” Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri hide “explosives” in his “rectum” to assassinate Saudi Prince Muhammad bin Nayef—they met in 2009 after the 22-year-old Asiri feigned repentance for his jihadi views—but this “holy-warrior” apparently had fellow jihadists repeatedly “sodomize” him to “widen” his anus to fit the explosives—and all in accordance with the “fatwa’s” of Islamic clerics.

A 2010 Arabic news video that aired on Fadak TV gives the details. Apparently a cleric, one Abu al-Dema al-Qasab, informed al-Asiri and other jihadis of an “innovative and unprecedented way to execute martyrdom operations: place explosive capsules in your anus. However, to undertake this jihadi approach you must agree to be sodomized for a while to widen your anus so it can hold the explosives.”

Others inquired further by asking for formal fatwa’s. Citing his desire for “martyrdom and the virgins of paradise,” one jihadi (possibly al-Asiri himself) asked another sheikh, “Is it permissible for me to let one of the jihadi brothers sodomize me to widen my anus if the intention is good?”

ass bomber

After praising Allah, the sheikh’s fatwa began by declaring that sodomy is forbidden in Islam.

“However, jihad comes first, for it is the pinnacle of Islam, and if the pinnacle of Islam can only be achieved through sodomy, then there is no wrong in it. For the overarching rule of [Islamic] jurisprudence asserts that ‘necessity makes permissible the prohibited.’ And if obligatory matters can only be achieved by performing the prohibited, then it becomes obligatory to perform the prohibited, and there is no greater duty than jihad. After he sodomizes you, you must ask Allah for forgiveness and praise him all the more. And know that Allah will reward the jihadis on the Day of Resurrection, according to their intentions—and your intention, Allah willing, is for the victory of Islam, and we ask that Allah accept it of you.”

Two important and complementary points emerge from this matter: 1) that jihad is the “pinnacle” of Islam—for it makes Islam supreme (based on a Muhammad Hadith); and 2) that “necessity makes permissible the prohibited.”

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Allah is our objective, the Quran is our law, the Prophet is our leader, Jihad is our way, and death for the sake of Allah is the highest of our aspirations.

These axioms are not limited to modern day fatwa’s, but in fact, were crystallized centuries ago, agreed to by the ulema, or Islam’s leading doctrinaires.

The result is that, because making Islam supreme through jihad is the greatest priority, anything and everything that is otherwise banned becomes permissible. All that comes to matter is one’s intention, or niyya.”

From here one may understand the many ostensible incongruities of Islamic history: lying is forbidden—but permissible to empower Islam; intentionally killing women and children is forbidden—but permissible during the jihad; suicide is forbidden—but permissible during the jihad, called “martyrdom.”

Indeed, the Five Pillars of Islam—including prayer and fasting—may be ignored during the jihad. So important was the duty of jihad that the Ottoman sultans, who often spent half their lives on the battlefield, were not permitted to perform the obligatory pilgrimage to Mecca.

More recently, these ideas appeared in different form during Egypt’s elections, when Islamic leaders portrayed voting as a form of jihad—leading to the abuse and even killing of those not voting for the Muslim Brotherhood.

According to these two doctrines“which culminate in empowering Islam, no matter how”—one may expect anything from would-be jihadis,” regardless of how dubious the effort may otherwise seem.

The World Trade Center towers after the second plane hit

The World Trade Center towers after the second plane hit

Even so, this “mentality,” which is prevalent throughout the “Islamic” world, especially along the front lines of the “jihad,” is the same mentality that many Western leaders and politicians think can be appeased with just a bit “more respect, well-wishing, and concessions from the West.”

Such are the great, and disastrous, disconnects of our time.

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Sodomy for Suicide

Originally published by the Gatestone Institute.

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