Woke Olympic Protesting

As the Olympics enters its third week of competition, the United States hasn’t fared as well as predicted. Woke fans of the red, white, and blue have reason to be optimistic, however. Team USA is the heavy favorite for Gold as this year’s new sport “Woke Protesting” kicked off.

Woke Protesting was added for the 2020 summer games. This exciting sport is a team competition with three sub-events: Anthem Kneeling, Synchronized Slogan Chanting, and Homemade Projectile Throw.

Anthem Kneeling is an individual or team competition where the competitors are judged on proper form and their “Length of Kneel” (LOK), minus time penalties such as accidentally looking at their own country’s flag.

Synchronized Slogan Chanting is a team competition where they must put together a short original slogan then chant it in unison for as long as possible. The slogan must rhyme and oppose capitalism or any perceived oppression. This part of the competition really tests athlete endurance, as chanting can continue for days.

Homemade Projectile Throw can be an individual or team competition where the throwers must construct a projectile from assorted trash and inexpensive items salvaged from a dumpster. Distance and accuracy both factor into the final score, as well as extra points if it can be made to burst into flame on contact with the target – called a “Molotov” bonus.

There are lots of footage on the Internet of “Homemade Projectile Throws” being practiced last summer. Since the actual Olympics were postponed, most US hopeful throwers worked at it all summer. 

Many multi-sport athletes from the US Woke Protesting Team are also competing in other events such as women’s soccer and basketball. In this video you can see the US Synchronized Slogan Chanting team practicing for the Olympics together with their Head Coach, Shia Labeouf.

USA is expected to get Gold while France and the UK are expected to get Silver/Bronze respectively. Most communist countries lag behind the West in this event, as their strongest competitors in this sport seem to disappear once they gain proficiency.

Future Olympics will include stoning and beheading, both competitions are still an unregulated amateur sport in the USA, while the Middle East teams already are professionals.

2021 Olympic Winners… 

Woke Naomi Osaka
Woke Simone Biles
Woke Gwen Berry
Woke US Women Soccer Team

Tokyo Olympics Go Woke

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