Pastoral Counseling of Women

Here’s some free “relationship” advice for you:

“Never listen to a Pastor talking about counseling women.”

Pastor Stewart-Allen Clark of First General Baptist Church in Malden, Missouri gave a sermon on “how to keep your marriage strong.”

His answers?

“Wives need to look preferably ‘hot’  like Melania Trump, and that means ’losing’ weight and ‘submitting’ to their husband’s ‘sexual desires’ at all times. Or else it’s all her ‘fault’ when he strays.”

I suspect some readers might have a more “visceral” reaction to the kind of “abusive, misogynistic” messages he’s sending to women.

“And ladies, here’s the thing you need to know about men: Don’t give him a reason to be like this distracted boyfriend. You hear me? Don’t give him a reason to be looking around. Hello?!”

“So, okay, why is it so many times that women, after they get married, let themselves go? Why is that? Why do they do that?”

“Now look, I’m not saying every woman can be the epic, the epic trophy wife of all time, like Melania Trump, I’m not saying that at all. Most women can’t be trophy wives, but, you know, like her, maybe you’re a participation trophy. I don’t know. But all I can say is not everybody looks like that! Amen?! But you don’t need to look like a butch either!”

“But you say, ‘How can I do that?’” Oh, I’m so glad you asked that question! Because you’re in my office, you and your husband, and we’re talking about your marriage, and you’ve asked me this question about ‘What can I do about that?’ All right, if you were sitting in my office, here’s the first thing I’d say to you, and boy, I hate to say this, this is why I don’t do marital counseling anymore, and that is… weight control.”

“So how important is this? Let me tell you something: I have a friend. He has put a ‘divorce weight’ on his wife! That’s how important this is!”

“You know, makeup! Makeup is a good thing. You know, my little boy said, ‘Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?’ You say ‘Because they’re ugly and they stink.’ You don’t want to be ugly and stink!”

“Scientists have discovered, by the way, a food that diminishes the woman’s sex drive. It’s called the wedding cake. Hahahahahahahaha, yeah.”

I can’t go through all the problems with his thinking here because it’s just… a lot. But it’s disturbing that not a single staffer at this church who knew what he was going to talk about talked him out of it.

The video is no longer on the church’s website, but there’s no explanation for that deletion either. It’s like they just hope no one will notice.

A couple obvious points that come up here: “There’s an underlying assumption that it’s the woman’s responsibility to satisfy her husband and be eye candy for him, and that it’s her fault if he strays, and that it’s her responsibility to make him happy.” It’s never the other way around. At least that’s not the focus of this sermon.

He also weirdly implies that all men find the exact same kind of woman attractive, and all relationships have the same kind of dynamics, and no woman cares about a man’s attractiveness, and no woman has a sex drive like a man, and all women have less sex after marriage.

The fact that he doesn’t realize those things aren’t universal is telling. This kind of mentality, as many anyone would tell you, is groundwork for “abuse.” It puts all the weight of a marriage on one person and provides a scapegoat for anything that goes wrong.

Whether he implied it or not, there’s no set of rules a husband has to follow that’s in any way the equivalent of what he’s telling women. And the fact that this conversation has been occurring within churches is an indication of the bubble these people live in.

When reached for comment, General Baptist Ministries, the umbrella organization overseeing this church, issued a pathetic statement without even explaining why they were saying it. If you didn’t read everything I just posted, you’d have no clue what they’re talking about.

“General Baptists believe that every woman was created in the image of God, and they should be valued for that reason. Furthermore, we believe that all individuals regardless of any other factors are so loved by God that Christ died for them. Each General Baptist church has autonomy from the national organization, and as a result General Baptist Ministries does not have authority related to the employment of any pastor or church leader in a local congregation.”

Not every sermon of Clark’s has been removed though. For example, here’s another one making the rounds, allegedly from “Mother’s Day 2019.” In that sermon, Clark walks on stage in high heels, explaining that he’s doing it in the “spirit of trying to identify as a woman” and takes the cringe to new levels:

He says he’d love to be a “hot” woman and “arm candy.”
He “jokes” about how, if beautiful Southern women are called “Southern Belles,” then beautiful Mexican women must be “Taco Bells.”
He says that “physical beauty is within the reach of every woman.” That comment was followed by an picture of the backside of a woman he implies is unattractive.
He points to a graphic saying that women “should not look like butch.”
He offers a beauty tip to women: Look more feminine.
He tells women to stop cutting their hair shorter.

All of that is to say this guy’s been doing the same “schtick” for years. It wasn’t a onetime mistake. It’s his whole thing. Everyone who remains a part of his church is just as guilty of perpetuating this kind of sexist rhetoric as he is.

And if General Baptist Ministries isn’t going to pressure the church to get rid of him, then we can safely assume every church member there shares his disgusting beliefs as well.

I’ve seen a number of comments online focusing on his looks — “like he’s one to talk.” None of that is very helpful because it doesn’t matter who’s delivering the sermon or what they look like. It’s awful no matter what. Focus on the ugliness of the words, not the person delivering them. That’s all.

Here are some other worthy pastoral counseling insights from “man of god”:

A Ugandan pastor took it upon himself to teach “sex education” to his church members trying to boost the sex life of his congregation by using a woman to practice some sex position while his church members watch and laugh in amusement, all the while calling him the “end time pastor.”

Another pastor did a weird thing while counseling married women in his church on how to maintain their marriages by keeping themselves attractive for their husbands even after childbirth by wearing “panties and bra nightie” during his church sermon to show women how to “hypnotize” men by looking sexy.

Prophet Obi O of Anchor of Restoration Church located at Owufuju Street, Asaba Delta State Nigeria was stripped to his underwear by the people who caught him red handed allegedly having “sex deliverance” sessions with a married woman. He was forced to hold his church banner while being paraded around in his underpants.

It seems that Pastors are now “scandal” makers. For example, a Zimbabwean Pastor died shortly after sleeping with a prostitute, while another Pastor poured acid on a woman he was having an affair with and she died, another Pastor was filmed sleeping with one of his married congregants.

The most shocking however, is a Pastor who tried to walk on water like Jesus did, and he drowned in front of his congregants, and another Pastor who asked to be buried alive so that he could resurrect himself like Jesus. Another self confessed Prophet died after fasting in the mountains for 30 days. He was found dead there.

Meanwhile some University students have since left their school and camped in the bush claiming they are waiting for Jesus to come back.

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