Out With A Bang

How do you want to go out, in your sleep or in a hail of bullets? What about dying from “extreme orgasm” with a hooker?

That’s exactly how a 35-year-old Charles Majawa “kicked the bucket” in Phalombe, Malawi, on the southeastern side of Africa near the border of Mozambique.

Highly “sex hungry” Charles collapsed and died while “romping” a prostitute who doused him with “sexual sweetness” in the trading district of Phalombe, Malawi.

Phalombe Police Station spokesperson, Innocent Moses identified the “deceased” as Charles Majawa, who hails from Matepwe Village in the area of Senior Chief Kaduya in the district.

Phalombe Police Station spokesperson, Innocent Moses.

“Majawa is said to have hooked a sex worker within the trading center and booked a room to quench his libido. But he ended up collapsing and becoming unconscious while in the act,” confirmed Moses.

According to Moses, the incident occurred on Monday night around 09:40 hours and no “foul play” has been suspected.  “Excessive orgasm” has been listed as the official cause of death for Charles who died August 18, 2020.

The sex worker notified her colleagues about the tragedy and later reported the matter to police. A medical examiner from Migowi Health Center viewed the body and confirmed the cause of death as being due to “excessive orgasm which caused blood vessels in the brain to rupture.”

That’s right, their son went out…banging too hard. Blood vessels in his brain ruptured during the act with the sex worker, and just like that, he was gone. Cops are saying the woman will not be held accountable for Charles’ death. It was just one of those things. Local newspaper the Nyasa Times called it like it was, the man “died of too much sexual excitement and sweetness.” 

Senior Chief Kaduya reports that Charles’s body was taken back to his home village of Matepwe. Police confirmed that the woman would not be held liable for Majawa’s death.

I can imagine the sex worker getting some serious “street credo” out of this. In the current US pandemic situation this would be listed as a “COVID” death.

Charles family officially has now closure in the case. RIP Charles.

While death by “excessive orgasm” isn’t widely researched by doctors, experts at Johns Hopkins say you should be careful “firing up the gun and start blazing” if you have shortness of “breath, nausea, indigestion or chest pain.”

“The possibility of having a heart attack during sexual activity is exceedingly low and shouldn’t scare you away,” Michael Blaha, M.D., M.P.H., director of clinical research at the Johns Hopkins Ciccarone Center for the Prevention of Heart Disease, explains. “As long as you’re not experiencing any symptoms, it’s not worrisome.” 

Meanwhile, a study has suggested that having sex at least “once a week” actually halves the risk of early death. Researchers found regular “romps” are linked to lower odds of dying from cancer, heart disease and other illnesses.

They say a workout between the sheets is equivalent to “moderate intensity” exercise and has similar health benefits. Sex releases feel-good chemicals, which boost mental health and promote the activity of “natural killer cells.”  These cells lower the risk of cancer and viral illness, prevent infections of the lungs and improve other conditions, such as asthma.

In other words, don’t get scared of “excessive orgasms.” Charles was a special case and clearly went out doing what he loved, “romping” prostitutes who doused him with “sexual sweetness.”

Like James LeBron has been quoted as saying, Every night on the court I give my all, and if I’m not giving 100 percent, I criticize myself and cry.”

So guys, remember to go out there every night, in a “blaze” of glory with a “smile” on your face, and “give” 100%. You never know when it’ll be your last.

Overheard on the Internet Highway

“Who would you like to screw?” was the question asked around the campfire.
Several guys spoke up, mentioning various celebrities or models.
One fellow spoke up with an unfamiliar name.
“I want Virginia Pipeline. She’s gotta be the hottest in the sack of any lady out there!”
“Virginia Pipeline? Who the hell is that?” they asked.
“It’s right here,” he said, and handed over a newspaper clipping from his wallet.

I am not sure who Greg Norman was thinking of romping tonight while out walking his dog.

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