Seattle’s Spiritual Leaders

The FBI “Joint Terrorism Task Force” investigating recent riots has confirmed the capture of a long sought “suspect” who they believe is the “instigator” and spiritual leader of the nationwide “insurgent” operation.

Ernesto Guevara, better known under the nickname “Che” and his girlfriend have been captured hiding in a “safe house” in downtown Minneapolis.

His identity was immediately established by comparing his “face” to the confiscated, multi colored “Che Guevara T-shirts” that lay scattered around the house.

Ernesto Guevara’s girlfriend Rosie.

A further inspection of the “residence” revealed a makeshift factory for making “Molotov” cocktails, and a “silk screen” press in the basement, where thousands of newly made Che Guevara shirts lay sorted by “style, color, and sizes.”

The FBI agents took the shirts and the Molotov cocktails with all the ingredients to Seattle’s “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone” (CHAZ), where they were “distributed” to protesters.

Soon all “Anarchists and Antifa” members who had token control of Seattle PD’s East Precinct, on 12th Avenue and East Pine Street, run amok like a swarm of multi-colored propaganda leaflets.

The local Police “pulled” out of the area while protesters set up “barricades” in the streets and declared it a “Cop Free Zone.” 

Some of the treasured “Che Guevara shirts” reportedly made their way to eBay and immediately “sold” for outrageous sums of money to “college students” who believed it would make them look like mysterious “rebels” who would murder parents to save children.

The new nation of CHAZ is a lesson for us all.

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