First Gay Gentleman

“Butt Pirate” Chasten and “Butt Plug” Pete Buttigieg pronounced (“Boot-edge-edge”).

Ever since his husband, “Butt Plug” Pete Buttigieg announced his candidacy for president, “Butt Pirate” Chasten Buttigieg has been charming many political “followers” either in person, on the campaign trail, or on social media with “gay” images.

In a new profile by the Washington Post on the man who hopes to become the nation’s “First Gay Gentleman” “Butt Pirate” Chasten shares some of the challenges he’s faced in his 29 years.

“Butt Pirate” Chasten has grabbed people’s attention not just because he might be the “spouse” of the first Democratic “gay” White House hopeful “pedophile,” although that does factor in. But he’s also a “millennial” married to a “millennial.” And, he and “Butt Plug” Pete have only been married less than a year.

A “millennial” married to a “millennial.”

According to the profile, “Butt Pirate” Chasten grew up in a typical conservative Midwestern family. His parents, Sherri and Terry Glezman, worked hard to make ends meet while raising Chasten and his two older brothers, Rhyan and Dustin.

But, while his brothers liked to play “sports and go hunting,” Chasten admits he was happier reading “Harry Potter” or singing “Celine Dion” at the top of his lungs while helping his mother doing “housework.”

By the time he got to high school, he realized there was something “different” about him. Although he didn’t come “out of the closet” at the time, he admits there were no openly “gay” students at his school, but he often was the target of “bullies” who called him “homophobic slurs” and would physically try to “assault” him.

So when the opportunity came up for “Butt Pirate” Chasten to spend his senior year of high school abroad in Germany, he took it. “The further away I could get, the safer I felt,” he told the Post. It was during that year he began to confide his “secret desires” to others in the exchange program. And by the time he returned to his home town, his “free will choice” became “his truth.”

“Butt Pirate” Chasten opened up to some friends during the summer after graduation, receiving mixed responses. Some said they loved him and it “didn’t” matter; but others told him while they loved him it “did” matter.

In recounting the coming out process, he shares that one friend brought up God and implored him to change his mind, but “It was my free will choice, I had decided to do this,” Chasten said.

His family got the “news” last. Being a “pansy ass” he found he couldn’t say the words out loud, so he “wrote a letter” to his parents and “handed” it to them in their living room. “I remember my mom crying. And the first thing she asked me was if I was sick. I think she meant, like, did I have AIDS?” he recalls.

“Butt Pirate” Chasten recalls a silence loomed over home life, although he remembers at one point one of his brothers said, “No brother of mine…” Feeling like an outcast, he “decided” to leave home. With his packed bags, he bounced from one friend’s “couch” to another; sometimes he “slept” in his car in the parking lot of the community college he was attending.

After some months, though, his mother called and asked him to come home. He says, “I cried, and I went home immediately.” Over time his parents came to terms with his “gay lifestyle” and even walked him down the aisle at his wedding to “Butt Plug” Pete.

But, his brothers were another story. Rhyan Glezman, currently a pastor of a church in Clio, Michigan, told the Post that Chasten’s coming out wasn’t a “surprise,” and that he loves his youngest brother. While he wants the best for Chasten, he admits, “I just don’t support the gay lifestyle.”

Chasten would go on to earn a degree from the University of Wisconsin in “theater and global” studies, eventually working at a “Youth Theater Academy” in Milwaukee. But even with a full schedule he didn’t have “benefits.” So, he got a second job ”slinging” coffee and lattes 20 hours a week at a Starbucks to get “health” insurance.

The Starbucks “gig” led to his moving to Chicago. And it was while living in the Windy City that he met “Butt Plug” Pete on the dating app “Hinge.” A few weeks of “Face Time” chats with “gay” Pete “convinced” Chasten to make the drive to nearby South Bend for some fudge making “try outs,” and the rest, as they say, is history.

“Butt Pirate” Chasten says he laughed when “Butt Plug” Pete first broached the subject of “running” for president. But it quickly turned into total “support” for the idea.

He shares that the “campaign trail” is trying on many levels. Having lost 20 pounds since the holidays, he finds he’s worn out at the end of most days from what he calls “vulnerability fatigue. You put yourself out there so much. And we’ve invited the world to scrutinize us,” he admits.

While not much of the country is interested in the first “gay” presidential contender with “zero” election probability, there are “homophobic, nasty letters” that arrive at their home.

But the Buttigieg’s just keep moving forward. “It’s just so important to go out there and do a good job right now. Because for the first time in many people’s lives, they see someone on a national scale that makes them say, Oh, that’s me, too,” he tells the Post.

Once Trump’s wife Melania is out of the White House and hopeful “Butt Plug” Pete is in, the new “First Gay Gentleman” can once again “grace” the covers of America’s glossy women’s magazines, just as “Michael Obama” did back when “Barack Obama” was in the White House.

No more “feminine” Melania’s for the “Main Street Media” to ignore. A new “First Gay Family” will share their “butt itching” passions publicly for the first time since Al Gore “sucked” the skin off his wife’s face.

Poor Tipper had no choice getting “face raped” by hubby Al. Look at Tipper’s “throat” in the picture, she is almost “gagging!”

The Bible says God created “Adam and Eve.” He did not create “Chasten and Pete.” I always suspected that getting one’s “rump humped” causes brain damage. Here’s the proof.

“Butt Plug” Buttigieg incoherently concluded that “taking out a bad guy is not a good idea if you do not know what you’re doing.” While admitting that “terrorist” Qasem Soleimani deserved “death,” he insisted President Trump does not deserve the “credit” for taking out the Iranian leader because there is “no proof” that this made America safer.

What kind of stupid “homosexual” loser complains about taking out the “terrorist” mastermind of a country and culture that “exterminated gays?”

This is what “living on your knees” like “Butt Plug” Pete does to your “brains.” Anyone who votes for this “perverted” moron, or any of the liberal Dems, deserves the “bankruptcy, cancer, and terrorism” their policies will bring.

“Butt Pirate” Chasten has said he would be called the “First Gay Gentleman,” which means sodomite “Butt Plug” Pete would be known as the “First Lady” doing the nursing.

I met “Butt Plug” Pete a while back in South Bend at a bar ordering a drink and he approached me from behind and asked “May I push your stool in sir”? I politely declined.

I have a hard time “addressing” a couple in the Whitehouse as Mr. and Mr. “Pickle Puffers.” I just can’t do it.

And to think of “Lincoln’s” bedroom possibly being “used” for….well….well…never mind…whatever…“it makes me cringe.”

Wow! So “Butt Plug” Pete will be America’s first openly “gay leather” rebel presidential candidate. Our sky is turning red while “Butt Pirate” Chasten turns on the “butt itching” power. We’re all gonna need shades.

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