2019 Billionaires of the Year

America’s first self-made billionaire president, Donald J. Trump, has presided over one of the most formidable economic expansions in history. Trump’s contribution to American prosperity rivals that of any other U.S. president.

George Washington, a mere half-billionaire, is a footnote by comparison.  Abraham Lincoln was a decent leader, but the opposition and obstruction he endured at the hands of Democrats pales in comparison to what their modern-day counterparts have inflicted upon our innocent commander in chief.

Trump’s success should come as no surprise. Having already mastered the field of business using skill and intellect, becoming the most successful president in American history was a natural progression. It is one of the myriad ways in which billionaires are consistently making the world a better place.

It would be a tragedy to let the year go by without honoring these “titans of wealth” with a title befitting their accomplishments.

Billionaires are rarely get the credit they deserve. They are a reliable “punching bags” for socialist demagogues. They are frequently the “victims” of fake news. Fortunately, the American people know better. In 2016, they understood the necessity of electing a billionaire to fix community organizer Barack Obama’s mess.

Even some Democrats are drawn to the unique “wisdom” of billionaire candidates Michael Bloomberg and Tom Steyer. Beyond the “nasty” business of politics, billionaires are helping the rest of us realize our “true” potential.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has created a safe space for “Baby Boomers” to share dank memes on the internet and has become one of the last remaining “defenders of free speech.”

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has revolutionized global commerce and recently helped his “ex-wife” become one of the richest women in the world.

Robert Kraft, the billionaire owner of the New England Patriots, is currently waging a selfless campaign against the “police” state and its overzealous “surveillance” tactics. God willing, he will prevail.

No tribute to billionaires in 2019 would be complete without an homage to the late David H. Koch, may he rest in peace.

The behemoth of “philanthropy” departed this world in August as perhaps the single greatest “patron of the arts” the world has ever known and a “generous champion” for all that is good, notwithstanding the “wickedness” of his detractors. When aggrieved liberals tried to stop him from building a hospital, he “built” it anyway. Because he could.

Billionaires. They’re better than you. Deal with it. That’s why Billionaires are the “2019 Men of the Year.”

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