Bernie’s Heart Attack Dream

Okay, like, I had this totally awful “green dream” during my heart attack! It was literally the worst dream I ever had. It went like this:

It was November 3, 2020. I won the election! It was wonderful that I won because that meant that “Bad Orange Man” was gone! My feminist studies professor told me that Trump was literally the worst Republican president since Hitler, and I believe him. Everybody on campus was cheering, hugging, dancing, getting high, and waving rainbow flags while burning American flags. It was the greatest day in our nation’s history.

Back to my speech. It was literally awesome. “When I see Americans without housing, without healthcare, without education, without jobs, without citizenship, I have compassion for those people. With a Democrat majority in both houses” – I had to wait a minute until the wild cheering from the reporters calmed down – “With a Democrat majority in both houses, we’re also going to implement common sense gun confiscation with Beto O’Rourke and make America a gun free zone!” I thought I was literally going to go deaf from all the cheering.

But then something really weird happened in my dream, and it was like I was going forward in time. I started to see headlines on the New York Times flash before me like:

“Trump to blame for Astronomical Cost of Education”
“How Bernie care Advances Natural Selection”
“Homelessness Creates Freedom, Builds Character”
“Economy Rebounds to Healthy Levels of Unemployment Expert Says”

I mean, it sounded all good, right? Then how come I had some kind of creepy feeling about what was happening?

I couldn’t afford to stay in school, so I never got my Feminist Studies degree with a minor in Intersectionality which had always been my dream. Daddy sold our vacation home in Hawaii to help pay for my tuition, but he said it all went to the Privilege Tax to support needy professional sports celebrities. So, all I got was this participation award sent to me in the mail.

Then I got evicted from my home! The Committee for Housing said we had too much space, so my parents and my little brother and me got kicked out so that some undocumented people could have a place to stay. The Committee for Housing said they would find us a place on a waiting list as soon as there was an opening, and to be patient. To make sure the house was safe for the undocumented people, the committee guy searched the house and took a gun that Daddy kept under the bed. I felt like that was kind of wrong, but it was a gun, so, I didn’t object.

I guess I needed to like, work or something. I knew I could make a lot of money with the new minimum living wage of $50 per hour. So I looked for my first job. I was so confused because it was like everybody else needed a job, too. Everywhere I went some guy or some woman would tell me they couldn’t afford to hire me. I went to the Employment Council building, and they said that since I was white I had to move to the back of the line. How come there were no jobs when the pay was so good?

We ended up living in an alley, and I’m not lying when I tell you it was literally the filthiest place I’ve ever seen. We tried to make a shelter, but it didn’t do much to keep the rain out, and nobody would share their tent with us. My little brother got sick, so we took him to the hospital because all the health care was free and we knew we could just walk in. You know what? There were so many sick people there. When we got to the desk, Mommy said that my brother may have typhoid and needed to be seen immediately. Well, the clerk told us to go home and come back when there weren’t so many sick people in the waiting room and the earliest appointment we could get was 11 months later.

That’s when Daddy really lost it. He started yelling and saying all kinds of bad things about the Desert Springs Hospital Medical Center in Las Vegas. I was like, so shocked because I thought you had to be my age to know those words. Just then some guys in uniform came and grabbed all of us and we spent the night in jail. It was the nicest place we stayed since losing our house last month. The police always liked talking to Daddy for some reason because they always kept him late. I guess they really liked him because one night he didn’t come back to our cell.

After Daddy went away, we were told that we and the other 15 people in our cell were going on a train ride. That sounded kinda cool. I asked where we were going, and the guards said it was to help keep our planet green. I didn’t get what was so funny about that but they sure got a good laugh out of it.

It was literally the longest train ride ever. There was this totally gross bucket you had to use if you had to go to the bathroom. We finally got off the train at Green Camp #42, and they said that we all had to be checked. My guard checked me couple of times. I guess he wanted to be thorough, but when I asked him why he kept checking me, he said it was for women’s rights and to protect me from toxic masculinity. I guess that was kind of alright on his part, but I felt kind of weird about it. Anyway, after checking my pockets again, he found some money and said it was for the train ride, and that was why he had to keep it. Then he checked all of my pockets again to make sure I was paying my fair share.

We got moved into our new free housing which was kinda crowded, but not as bad as the prison cell. Then we went to an auditorium where we watched a video of Alexandria “Sandy” Ocasio-Cortez telling us that this was our chance to do something for the planet. It was called “giving back” or something. Then I said something really dumb, I said, “But if you didn’t steal anything, why do you need to give back?” Mommy looked at me real shocked like, and then a guard punched me. I guess I said something wrong.

Then that really whacked out time travel thing started happening again. Every day we went out to dig holes in the ground. I saw Mommy get older and older every second. My little brother kept getting weaker so they composted him. It was like we never left the Green Camp, that you worked there until you died.

When I woke up, I was so confused, so angry. I mean, how is it even possible for “socialism” to turn out so bad when they make so many “cool” promises? Whatever. We just need the right people in charge.

One Response to “Bernie’s Heart Attack Dream”

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