Garbage Disposals

Former bartender and proud “call me a socialist, I don’t give a damn” dimwit Alexandria (Sandy) Ocasio-Cortez discovered the wonders of “kitchen conveniences” created by red-blooded American capitalists.

It seems “politics” are not the only thing with which Sandy has no experience. Have a look at her latest call for help discovering a “monster living in the sink” in her D.C apartment:

“This DC apartment is bougie and has things I’ve never seen before. It is terrifying. I don’t know what to use it for, or what its purpose is. More importantly, why is it so loud and yelling at me? I am told this is a garbage disposal. I’ve never seen a garbage disposal, I never had one in any place I’ve ever lived. I don’t know what to use it for, or what its purpose is. Like, food scraps? Is it better or worse than throwing something in the garbage? Is this environmentally sound? I don’t know.”

Sandy seems genuinely “astonished” by the technology that hit the market in 1940. Imagine how rocked her world is going to be when she experiences “residential central air” for the first time, another “amenity” unfamiliar to New Yorkers.

She was also left nearly “speechless” a few weeks ago when she discovered that plants “grow and thrive” when planted in dirt.

“Oh my God, you guys! I just checked on my community garden slot and I was so nervous because I was in New York for two weeks in recess and look! Oh my God! Look at this! look at the collard greens! They’re huge! Look at the dahlias! Oh my God, I’m going to have to trim all of these back for smoothies! I am Shocked! Like, honestly, gardening, food that comes out of dirt. Like, it’s magic!” she said bewildered.

But the socialist’s time away at work proved fateful for the tomatoes. “RIP tomato,” the text read on the screen as “green thumb” Sandy revealed the plant had shriveled up to a brown crisp. “Let’s pour one out for the tomato,” she said, pretending to pour an empty wine bottle on the deceased plant. Undeterred, she exclaimed This is so exciting! I really thought they’d be in a sad state, which is contributing to my excitement.”

She probably thought that expressing her wonder about “garbage disposals and plants growing in dirt” was a way to keep it real for her working-class New Yorker “provincialism” fans.

Let’s get to the real “danger” of garbage disposals. They are bloodthirsty “predators” just waiting for the opportunity to “gobble” us up.

Stuart M. Saft, the chairman of the “Council of New York Cooperatives and Condominiums” said he had heard the police feared that the bodies of “murder victims might be disposed of down the drain.”

And in an essay in “The New York Review of Books in 1991”, Joan Didion wrote that a city employee had expressed concern to her that people might be tempted to “put their babies down the drain.”

With the new “2019 abortion laws” in New York, what Governor Andrew Cuomo ironically but rightly referred to as the most “aggressive” abortion law in the country you now can use “garbage disposals” to get rid of environmentally undesired “fetuses and new born babies.”

I feel sorry for the people who “elected” her. Somebody needs to remind Sandy that there are some similarities between a “garbage disposal and her mouth” with the only difference being, that her mouth does the opposite.

It spits out “garbage all the time” that has no purpose, whereas a garbage disposal is used for a good purpose to get “rid of left over sink scraps.”

Sandy is like a child “discovering” things in the world for the “first time” except she’s in Congress.

House Speaker “Mama” Nancy Pelosi must feel like being surrounded by “preschoolers.”

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