Immortal Super Diva

Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bade Ginsburg (RBG) was born in Brooklyn, New York, 85 years ago. She is currently the oldest and shortest member of the Supreme Court.

Appointed to the court by Bill Clinton in 1993, RBG does not intend to leave the Supreme Court anytime soon. “I’m now 85,” Ginsburg, a two-time cancer survivor she told CNN. “My senior colleague, Justice John Paul Stevens, he stepped down when he was 90, so think I have about at least five more years.” 

Ruth’s age has some worrying that she won’t be on the Court for much longer. And whether you agree with her jurisprudence or not, there’s no questioning that the Supreme Court wouldn’t be the same without “immortal” Ginsburg.

Thankfully, RBG doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon.

Ginsburg has standing offers for “eight or so” units of blood, at least one kidney, and many, many vitamins. RBG has already characterized her personal trainer as the “most important person in her life,” to the relief of many liberals. Her intensive workouts includes leg curls, bench presses, one-legged squats, and butterfly stretches according  to POLITICO reporter Ben Schreckinger who barely made it through a workout session with RBG.

A new study suggests it’s possible to never die  making it possible for RBG to simply never leave the court. Now that a group of inventors and scientists are seriously pursuing immortality, mostly to benefit themselves, once all the experimental trials are finished, maybe they can slip RBG some of the secret elixir.

Her husband is dead and so is her best buddy Antonin Scalia. There’s no denying the impact flaming feminist RBG has had on the Supreme Court and on the country.

In her almost quarter century on the Court, she’s authored foundational opinions on everything from gender equality (United States v. Virginia) to standing (Laidlaw) — all while wearing her signature jabot. Her dissent in Shelby County v. Holder helped make her a pop culture phenomenon and the first Supreme Court justice to become an internet celebrity. She’s remained an unexpected icon ever since.

Even in her late-early 80s, Justice Ginsburg is showing no signs of slowing down. The justice has said she’ll retire only when she’s unable to continue doing the work. She remains as active as ever in oral arguments and continues to issue important decisions.

And that’s just the stuff she does “on-the-clock.” She remains a strong supporter of the arts and theater, regularly makes public speeches and interviews, and has even shared her surprisingly intense workout regime with the world.

Even while she’s recovering, she’s getting shit done like the “bad ass bitch” she is by dealing a major blow to the Trump administration. RBG joined the three other liberal justices and John Roberts in upholding a federal judge’s ruling against the administration’s policy “barring migrants who crossed the border illegally” from applying for asylum.

We shouldn’t be surprised if her “notorious” tenure and “radical records” continued for another decade or two more. Here are  some tips that might help improve RBG’s longevity:

Eat Kale, Yes, but Don’t Stop There: RBG knows you want her to eat more kale, she says, and she’s recommending that Justice Kennedy eat his too. But there’s more she should be doing for a longevity-focused diet. Whole grains, fruits, and healthier fats can increase your odds of living longer, according to the Harvard Medical School, as can a multivitamin full of calcium and vitamin D. Eating hot chili peppers may help too.

Drink Red Wine: A glass or two of wine may help you live longer. It will certainly help you live better. Studies have shown that certain wines may contain life-extending chemicals. Just make sure you don’t have so much wine that you fall again asleep during the State of the Union.

Make Plenty of Friends and Keep Them Close: We’re sure that Justice Ginsburg isn’t lacking in the “bestie” department these days, which is a good thing. Studies have shown that people with many friends and strong social ties tend to live longer.

Burn Eye of Newt While Walking Backwards in a Circle on Midnight of the Vernal Equinox: I mean, it might not make you immortal, but it probably won’t hurt to try.

“Mental decrepitude, a rare problem in the past, now strikes from a third to a half of justices before they are willing to retire” according to Steven Calabresi, chairman of the Federalist Society “proposing a system of staggered, 18-year term limits for Supreme Court justices.” 

For now, “Immortal Super Diva” Ginsburg isn’t going anywhere. “She’s too tough to have her health stop her during the age of Trump. There’s too much at stake for our Constitution.”

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