What’s In My Pants

In the wake of the Harvey Weinstein firestorm, a video has surfaced showing Jimmy Kimmel, who has been praised by many on the Left as a spokesman for their agenda, and sort of a moral compass, has had his own issues with “sexism,” nowhere near Weinstein’s level of “depravity,” but still decidedly “uncomfortable” to look at in retrospect.

In the video, speaking to a pretty young blonde, Kimmel announces, “I’ve stuffed something in my pants, and you’re welcome to feel around on the outside of the pants. You have then ten seconds to guess what it is in my pants.”

As the blonde starts to “grope his crotch,” Kimmel instructs, “You should use two hands.”

The next shot is of a brunette “groping” Kimmel’s crotch, as he comments, “You’ve done this before, haven’t you.”

Following that, another blonde is on her knees before him, “groping” him, as Kimmel tells her, “Maybe it would be easier if you put your mouth on it.”

The next shot is of Kimmel addressing yet another pretty blonde, asking her, “How old are you?” When she answers, “Eighteen,” he asks, “You sure of that? Cause old Jimmy doesn’t need to do time.”

Back to woman number one, fully “groping” him, as Kimmel quips, “You’re going to make a fine wife.”

Back to woman number two, as Kimmel asks her, “And your guess is?” She replies, “A vibrator?”

Kimmel tells her, “A vibrator?” Then he pulls out an object from his pants, announcing, “No, it is actually a zucchini with a rubber band on it. But you could use it as a vibrator with a rubber band on it. Look,” as he vibrates it in his hand.

The “ever-holy-and-independent-thinking” Jimmy Kimmel also “sexually harasses and objectifies” women. For instance, he made “well-endowed” women jump on trampolines for his and his viewers’ “sexual gratification.”

He once hosted a show called “The Man Show” were he was “implying” that TV should be exclusively for “men and non-inclusive of women and agender-neutral trannies.”

Here are some tidbits about Jimmy Kimmel…

Jimmy Kimmel cares so much about everyone, that he tip-toes past medicine cabinets so he doesn’t wake up any sleeping pills.

How do you keep Jimmy Kimmel busy between tapings? Give him a piece of paper that says “flip” on both sides.

Why does Jimmy Kimmel have to always be reminded to get out of the shower? Because his shampoo bottle says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

Kimmel’s handlers also have to be careful about leaving him with orange juice containers: they say “concentrate,” and he winds up staring at them for hours.

Why did the Jimmy Kimmel get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months? Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”

Jimmy Kimmel’s secret dream is to be Vanna White. No, it’s not an Obama transvestite fantasy: Kimmel wants to actually learn the alphabet.

Speaking of which, Kimmel’s other secret fantasy has actually come true: he finally got a boob job – the only job he’s truly qualified for.

What did Jimmy Kimmel’s wife say when she found out she was pregnant? “I wonder if it’s mine.”

When did Jimmy Kimmel almost drown? When he spotted a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Jimmy Kimmel and his wife walked into a building. Neither of them saw it coming.

How do you confuse Jimmy Kimmel? Put him in a circle and tell him to sit in the corner.

Why did Jimmy Kimmel bring a ladder to his first Hollywood party? Whoever invited him told him all the drinks were on the house.

How do you force Jimmy Kimmel to repeat stupid ideas? You don’t have to. He was born that way.

Why did Jimmy Kimmel’s wife put lipstick on her forehead? She was desperately trying to make up her mind.

Why can’t Jimmy Kimmel ever successfully dial 911? He can’t find the eleven.

Why does Jimmy Kimmel always hold his ears? Because he’s desperately trying to hold in an original thought.

Jimmy Kimmel asked his wife why she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

His whole life, Jimmy Kimmel’s parents harassed him to stop acting like a flamingo. He had enough, and finally put his foot down.

Jimmy Kimmel once poured root beer in a square glass. To this day, he can’t understand why he now just has a beer.

A child asked Jimmy Kimmel: What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Kimmel answered: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

Kimmel and his wife were overheard having an argument. His wife insisted, “Nothing rhymes with orange!”Kimmel was heard saying, “No it doesn’t!”

Arguing his expertise on religion, Kimmel said to a Priest: “So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world!”

Kimmel and his wife blindfolded themselves and walked into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

Asked why he always carries around a step ladder, Kimmel answered, “I never knew my real ladder.”

The Jimmy Kimmel Show director shouted to Jimmy Kimmel: “I need you to get to the other side of the stage!” Puzzled, Kimmel relied, “I am on the other side!”

Before you criticize Jimmy Kimmel, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’re a mile away and have his shoes.

How did Kimmel’s wife get him to stop biting his nails? She made him wear shoes.

What did God say after creating Kimmel? I can do so much better.

What does it mean if Kimmel is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

What do you call a man with half a brain? “Jimmy Kimmel.”

Why does Kimmel whistle when he’s sitting on the toilet? Because it helps him remember which end he needs to wipe.

What has 12 arms and an IQ of 60? Jimmy Kimmel and his staff of ten.

What’s the difference between Big Foot and Kimmel’s brain? Big Foot’s been spotted several times.

Why does Jimmy Kimmel whine? Because he’s practicing to be a man.

Here you can find more “gems” from the “ever-holy-and-independent-thinking” #Kimmel.

Jimmy Kimmel was a vulgar comic long before he was “America’s conscience”

Jimmy Kimmel Defends Disgraced Sex Predator Harvey Weinstein

Late Night Hosts So Disgusted By Harvey Weinstein Scandal They Refuse To Even Mention His Name

Harvey Weinstein the Dems’ inconvenient truth

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: