Hillary’s Sexual Lawsuit

In the wake of allegations of sexual harassment against top “income” producers at Fox News, Hillary Clinton entered the “fray,” joining the string of “opportunistic” women who shake down “super-wealthy” men for the “crime” of asking them for a “date.”

Standing with “sexual harassment” specialist Gloria Allred and a gaggle of “sobbing” women with “heaving” shoulders, a “visibly” upset Hillary pointed an “accusing” finger at the “mug shots” of Roger Ailes and Bill O’Reilly.

Attorney Allred “hugged” Hillary tightly to “comfort” her as the other “liberal” women wearing “pussy hats” joined in.

“They refused to have sex with me!” she cried out “wailing” uncontrollably, while “blaming” Fox News for “refusing” to run her “patriotic” swimsuit advertisement during the “election.”

“Every time I came near these two, I made sure to look good, wear lipstick, spike heels, my push up bra, studded leather collars, and negligees and thongs from Victoria’s Secret. As soon as they saw me coming, the two split in opposite directions and ran. In my heels I couldn’t catch up!”

Hyperventilating, “shaking” and unable to control her “emotions,” Hillary took several “moments” to compose herself, “tears” streaming down her face.

“I tripped and stumbled running after Bill O’Reilly. I even dropped my bottle of bourbon. It was embarrassing. Everyone in the newsroom was watching me making a fool of myself. They kept staring! It was awful. Even more embarrassing, some of the staff people tweeted and posted it on Facebook!”

Hillary turned to the cameras again: “I’ve never been more humiliated in my entire life. The trauma made me turn to drink again after a whole four hours of abstinence. I even started smoking those strange tasting wet cigars Bill gave me. Who will pay for my Detox this time around?”

Two “ACLU” lawyers and a attorney from the “Southern Poverty Law Center” took their turns at the microphones “announcing” that Madonna will join the “lawsuit” to express her outrage at this “deviant” sexual behavior while making again life threats against President Trump.

She is especially “outraged” at the men who “refused” her offer for free blowjobs if they “voted” for Hillary.

The lawyers “raged” at the “discriminatory, UN-Democratic, UN-American, unfair America’s constitution, unjust election results,” as well as against the “smart, wealthy and successful wife of the husband with orange hair and small hands.”

Gloria Allred “ended” the news conference saying “We promise to take Hillary’s case to the Supreme Court if necessary, along with her push up bra, matching pantsuit studded leather collars, leash, and patriotic thongs as evidence.”

“We will subpoena Donald Trump as the co-plaintiff in our lawsuit. He’s an accessory to widespread discrimination proven by his desire to grope supermodel pussies while neglecting Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg, both known for their inner sexual beauties.”

Reaffirming her “true” status as a victim, “Barker-in-Chief” Hillary revealed the “secret” to her “loss/theft” of the presidential election declaring “Russian meddling, FBI Director James Comey’s involvement, WikiLeaks theft of emails from her campaign chairman, and misogyny as primary excuse” out of her 35 other reasons.

The first “three” are all Republican “fake news.” Pure fiction. That last one, “misogyny,” I’m not sure how that “fits” but I’ll look it up after my women brings me a “beer and sammitch.”