Profane Snowflake Tirade

A snowflake imitating foul mouthed Hillary Clinton went on an “obscenity laced tirade” outside a Philadelphia “entertainment” venue before getting “arrested” by local police officer.

Employees at the “Helium Comedy Club” asked Colleen Campbell, a 28-year-old “graduate” of Temple University with a “Bachelor of Profanity” degree, if she could be more “quiet” during actor and comic Craig Robinson’s “standup” performance.

Even though management personally “declined” to comment, Campbell “refused” to lower her voice during the show.

“About last night. This very obnoxious lady, who wasn’t drunk, nor high I think, was disturbing the show with her ‘loud whispering,’” comic Wil Sylvince wrote in a Facebook post.

“After 3 warnings and other customers were complaining she was asked to leave.”

As Campbell was “escorted” out of the building, she allegedly became extremely “profane” to the point where a police officer felt “compelled” to get involved.

Sylvince notes that when she was initially “expelled” from the comedy club, she “kicked, punched and poked” the eyes of three different employees.

“You guys are fucking dick eaters, that’s what you fucking are. You going to record that on tape?” Campbell says directly in the “face” of a well-mannered officer.

“You are fucking cocksuckers, ” she continued “emphatically,” making sure to enunciate the “S” sounds.

After shouting out more “profanities,” an apparent friend of Campbell’s tries to “mediate” the situation by “apologizing” to the officer with an “embarrassed” demeanor.

The “unidentified” law enforcement agent says he just wants Campbell to “leave” the premises and go home, but she “refused to leave peacefully, gracefully or quickly.”

“Lick my asshole, how about that? Fucking, piece of shit,” the snowflake reporter yelled at the officer.

“That’s why nobody likes fucking police because they all … are idiots in this fucking town,” she shouts, before realistically pretending to “spit on a man” who seems to be a club employee.

“I don’t spit on you, motherfucker. It’s an illusion,” she weirdly boasted. “She tried to spit on me, but she just couldn’t pull it off,” the man said annoyed.

The officer then “handcuffs” Campbell for trying to spit on the man, which triggers her “pleas” to check the videotape.

At that point, the man “accompanying” Campbell looks at the camera and someone “off screen” can be heard saying “Thanks Wil,” referring to Sylvince who “posted and recorded” the footage.

“I work at a fucking news station, motherfucker. I work at PHL 17. Oh, you’re going to put that on the fucking news? You’re going to go that to NBC,” Campbell howled while “leaning” up against the wall, still bound.

“Fucking bitch, I fucking hate you guys. Fucking hate the world. No wonder everyone wants to blow your fucking heads off,” she continued, addressing the police officer.

Campbell has been charged with “resisting arrest, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct.”

She was “released” without bail and is “due” to appear in court on June 13.

“I feel awful. That’s not me or how I speak or how I talk or how I was raised. I had to delete all my social media, because I’m getting threats. I don’t know what to do. I feel ruined and embarrassed for me and my family.” Colleen Campbell.

Barstool Sports

Colleen Campbell is a “reporter” for PHL 17. At least she used to be before she told a cop to lick her asshole while getting arrested outside of the Helium Comedy Club the other night and repeatedly going off on semi-racist, ultra-belligerent tirades against the guy who somehow remained as calm as possible throughout that whole ordeal. And if there was any hope for this broad keeping her job at all, she threw that shit straight out the window the moment she said “I work at a fuckin’ news station, mother fucker. I work at PHL17″.

Come on, Colleen. I know you’re from South Jersey but you can’t possibly be that stupid, can you? For a moment there I was actually rooting for you. Against all my best instincts, I wanted you to get away with all of this. Because we’ve all gotten too shit faced sometime before and probably said some stuff we don’t necessarily wish we said. But when you flaunt your employer’s name while you’re on camera getting arrested for being the biggest bitch on the planet? That’s not even the booze talking. That’s just pure idiocy.

So if I could give Colleen a few pieces of advice, here’s what I’d go with. For starters, maybe switch booze for weed. Something to calm you down a little bit. I never like telling people they probably shouldn’t drink anymore since that’s not really any of my business. But maybe, just maybe, I can claim moral superiority here in this case. And I’m not saying you should go sober. I’m just saying smoke some weed. Obviously alcohol isn’t for you and you turn into a psycho bitch when you drink. So smoke a bowl, laugh at some jokes, and go home without losing your job the next day.

Second, I would say you need to get a better boyfriend or whoever that guy was that was with you. Now that I think about it, he actually seemed like an eternally friend-zoned putz. A boyfriend would have no problem telling you to shut up and an actual friend would have no problem with it either. But a friend-zoned putz who is too afraid to take control of the situation because he doesn’t want to run the risk of pissing you off? Well that’s how you get stuck in no-man’s land and end up handling this situation like a true jabroni.

Lastly, move and change your name. That should probably be bumped up the list to number 1. Not really anywhere else in this town for you to go once you get fired from PHL17. And not only did she get fired, but her author page was completely wiped clean.

I only had one drink. As long as you don’t count all the shots you had earlier and then the margarita and then the bottle of moonshine you butt-chugged in the Uber on the way to the comedy club and the IV drip of wine you’re constantly hooked up to.

But yeah, other than that, I have no idea how you could have been that messed up by only having one drink.

How to kill your career.


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