Pirate’s Booty Brothel

NFL owners voted 31-1 to let the Oakland Raiders move to Las Vegas.

When Politicians, NFL Honchos and Raider Brass “touted” this new business opportunities “tied” to the projected 2020 opening of the “Las Vegas Raiders” stadium, they probably didn’t have this in mind.

Dennis Hof promptly “announced” plans to build his seventh “brothel” in Nevada, a Raiders-themed establishment called “Pirate’s Booty.”

The brothel would be “located” 90 miles outside of Las Vegas in “Crystal,” just North of Pahrump in Nye County.

Hof’s “Love Ranch South”  is also located in the small town. The new “bordello” offers the “Home Team Advantage Sex Package.”

“Raider players, staff, coordinators, equipment dudes and die hard fans” would receive 50 percent off all “horizontal” activities forever at his Las Vegas-area brothels and would get additional “VIP” service at the “Pirate’s Booty.”

“The VIP section will be exclusively available to Raiders players and other high-profile athletes and staffed with over 20 cheerleader-garbed working girls,” he said.

If you think it’s all about “debauchery” Hof says it isn’t, but having a place the “players” can go and get their “swerve” on discretely might “avoid” past “Warren Sapp/Greg Anthony/ Darrell Russell” situations.

“Our player relations group will help keep their trysts legal and secret” with the “Hall of Dames” at the Pirates Booty Sports Brothel.

Finally we get the “mash-up” of all of America’s “favorite” things in one place, “football, free drinks, carbs-heavy all-you-can-eat buffets and banging hookers.”

More than“anything,” especially at “discounted” rates.

The heroes who “sacrifice” their bodies to keep us “entertained” from September to early February every year “deserve” this.

It’s gut-wrenching to see how these guys “risk” their health just so we can sit on our “fat” asses all Fall and Winter, “stuffing our faces, guzzling sweet booze and checking Red Zone.”

The very “least” we can do is “give” back. And that’s exactly what this “creep show” entrepreneur Dennis Hof is doing.

If anything, I feel “guilty” that it took this long as a society to finally be“enlightened to give these brave men the “half-priced” hookers they deserve.

It’s a “sin” that our early football “heroes” throughout the ages, from “Red Grange to Night Train Lane,” from “Steve Young to Ed Reed,” all had to pay “full price” or not have any “whores” at all as their “play mates.”

Just because the “cowards” running the NFL “lacked” the vision to put a “team” in the most “lawless” state is a “shame.”

Now those “days” are over. And I’m happy for the 2020 Las Vegas Raiders who’ll be getting the “two for the price of one” 3-way sex that was “denied” to pro football players for “far too long.”

And what better way to “settle” into this than with the “Hall of Dames” from the Bunny Ranch. If the autumn wind is a “pirate, the Las Vegas desert wind is a hooker’s warm “touch” to the nether regions.

Imagine living in a “loony toon” place like Vegas, rooting for the “bad boys” of the NFL, and then “driving” to Crystal where a hooker “rocks” your world while wearing “shoulder pads with spikes” could toughen up “any” Vegas residents real quick.

At least these “Hall of Dames” at the “Pirate’s Booty Brothel” are not in “cahoots” with the ladies at the “Moonlite Bunny Ranch” who “craved” Hillary Clinton’s pussy.

With multiple major-league sports teams on the way, it’s time to prove we deserve them
Roger Goodell details why NFL warmed to Las Vegas and its (previously) dreaded sports betting


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