Corpulent and “filthy” mouth Libtard Amy Schumer “confessed” in a recent interview that she “caught” her boyfriend Ben Hanisch “yawning” while she treated him to a “blow job.”
The 35-year-old and her man found themselves in “hysterics” after he let out a “yawn” during their “fellatio” session.
“I went down on Ben this morning and he yawned. It was an accident, but we were both just dying laughing. I’m happy, but obviously I was like, Fuck you!”
She added: “When I’m down there, if it’s more than a minute, it’s his birthday or something. But this morning it just happened, and then he yawned and it was a great excuse to stop.”
“Hey Amy I think that means you stink at giving blow jobs. Like really stink. Nobody and I mean NOBODY yawns during a blow job. Blow jobs are great. Maybe if you paid less attention to his facial expressions and more attention to sucking that dick he wouldn’t be yawning. Ever think of that? Didn’t think so. Cup the balls. Use both bands. Start spitting. Do something. There is a flip side to this where a guy has to know you cannot, under any circumstances, yawn during a blow job. You gotta push that yawn way down and make sure it has no chance of coming to the surface. Cause now your boyfriend is never ever gonna live this down. For as long as you’re dating this is gonna be a story line. Any time he wants a blow job going forward she’s gonna be like, “Remember that time you yawned?” and it’ll probably lead to their break up if we’re being totally honest. But the main lesson here is that Amy stinks at blow jobs cause it’s almost inconceivable that a guy would yawn while getting his dick sucked. He might never get another blow job again cause of this and that sucks for him.”
Back in 2014, she told Chelsea Handler that dating in New York is “completely” different from dating in Los Angeles.
“In New York I feel like I’ll get auditions to be a romantic lead, and here they’re like, ‘Oh, you’re the fat neighbor getting gastric bypass. I’m like, ‘No, people have actually had sex with me, believe it or not.’”
Fat-ass “loser” Amy Schumer thinks we’re all “stupid.”
She was “pissed” off that Glamour magazine “included” her in a list of “plus size” women “who inspire us”, and “angrily” claimed that she is a only a “size 6-8” in women’s clothing, instead of the “size 12-18” that she is in reality.
Amy apparently doesn’t think that she is “plus sized”, but she must either be “blind,” or not have any “mirrors” in her home, otherwise Amy Schumer would know that she is a “disgusting” fat pig.
“@glamourmag put me in their plus size only issue without asking or letting me know and it doesn’t feel right to me. Young girls seeing my body type thinking that is plus size? What are your thoughts? Mine are not cool glamour not glamorous.” – Disgusting Fat Pig Amy Schumer.
Way to go Amy. If you don’t “want” to be called a “fat piece of shit,” here’s a thought.
Maybe you should “stop” eating like a pig, “lose” some weight, and stop “being” such a “disgusting, foul-mouthed whore” all the time!
Schumer’s jokes have been falling flat for quite some time. Comedy Central has yet to announce a “release” date for the fifth season of her show, and “rumors” have been swirling the network might “cut it” after viewership rapidly “declined” during its fourth season.
After she started “appearing” in commercials for Bud Light, the company’s sales “plummeted,” driving the beer company to yank the ad campaign.
Last August, Schumer was “embroiled” in controversy after several “comedians” complained she routinely “plagiarizes” their jokes.