Vaginal Lipstick


LADIES, have you ever looked at the products on offer in the feminine “hygiene” aisle and thought “There must be a better way?”

Well, prepare for your “downstairs” to be dazzled by the latest “suggestion” from a man who appears to have “zero” understanding of women or their “bits,” Dr Daniel Dopps.


A chiropractor from the US, Dr Dopps describes the vagina as a “self-cleaning shower drain” (swoon) and has used this “incredibly” scientific understanding of female “anatomy” to come up with a product no woman in their right mind would want — “The Mensez Adhesive Vaginal Lipstick.”


Yes, it is as “bad as it sounds.”

As Forbes reported, Dr Dopps is the CEO of a company called “Mensez Technologies” and describes his ingenious invention as a “natural compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick that is applied to the labia minora which causes them to cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid in the vestibule above the labia minora where the vagina opening and urethra exit.”

As if the whole “process” wasn’t bad enough.

Apparently Dr Dopps thinks we should all walk around collecting our own “menstrual fluid” until it’s time to go to the bathroom where the Mensez compound is “instantly washed away with urine, releasing the menstrual fluid along with the urine into the toilet … Safe, secure and clean.”


Sexiest paragraph in history. Not to mention that drawing…

If you’re thinking, “Well, I’m sure this will never get past the concept phase,” Dr Dopps was granted a patent for the lipstick on January 10 proving there “may not be a single female working at the US Patent and Trademark office.”

The good doctor has said he won’t be making the product himself (thank goodness) and advises it’s a “personal hygiene product and should not be shared with others.”

As if there is a woman “alive” who would tap another female on the shoulder and utter the words “I don’t suppose you’ve got any pussy glue I could borrow?”


Naturally, after “testing” the waters on his Facebook page, the response was swift and harsh.

But proving he’s the ever-diplomatic “inventor,” Dr Dopps responded to the “concerns” of potential customers with these carefully “considered” words:

“You as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25 per cent of the time, making them far less productive than they could be.”


This is a step in the right direction towards “banning” periods altogether.

Overheard on the streets…

Mormons can re-brand it as “chastity glue.”
It’ll be a hit product for trannies!
They could just use “duct tape” instead of “pussy glue.”
The gluten-free version is stapling the vagina shut.
Could be revolutionary if it doubles as an anti-rape device.
Why not solder it shut?


Glue eaters rejoice.


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