Snowflake Smoothies

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Reciprocating Trump’s #MuslimBan, Howard Schultz CEO of Starbucks, has “vowed” to start a campaign of “discrimination” against US citizens by hiring 10,000 Muslim refugees instead of the usual local “applicants” as baristas.

This, in turn, was immediately “reciprocated” by a call to #BoycottStarbucks by Trump supporters, who claim that Starbucks is an over-hyped “watering” hole for pompous white Subaru-driving “liberals” in yoga pants.

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That is an outrageously “divisive” statement because it excludes uni-cyclists and Prius drivers, whose vehicles are equipped with three turn signals: “a left turn signal, a right turn signal, and a supersized virtue signal.”

Lately Starbucks has also become a home for “fragile” social justice warriors, also known as precious “snowflakes” who symbolize today’s “First World” struggles.

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Every one of them is a “unique, fragile, and complex” mechanism for turning five-dollar “latte” into urine.

Loyal to this growing customer base, whose only ambition in life is to smash “racism, sexism, fascism, capitalism, and white privilege,” Starbucks has unveiled a new drink called “White Snowflake Smoothie” because nothing says “smash white privilege” more than buying a $5 latte with a million other “white” people.

This “announcement” by Starbucks has caused its “stock” to dive:

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On the bright side, the Starbucks business model is guaranteed to “flourish” for at least eight more years, as long as the Starbucks CEO continues to tell his “anti-fascist” customers that Donald Trump is a “fascist pig.”

Known for being “accommodating” toward the LGBT community, he also “declared” that anyone who buys coffee at the chain that supports “traditional marriage over gay marriage” can go elsewhere since their business isn’t “wanted” at Starbucks, according to American Overlook.

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In the works is a “promotional” campaign involving the pictures of Martin Luther King Jr. and other civil rights leaders “raising” cups of Café Latte, Caramel Frappuccino, and other “signature” Starbucks beverages.

However, the “corporate” leaders still haven’t found a good “slogan” that wouldn’t be perceived as “racist” by their easily “triggered” customers.

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Trump supporters vow to boycott Starbucks over CEO’s plan to hire refugees
People are boycotting Starbucks after CEO announces plan to hire refugees
Starbucks CEO Gives Stern Warning To Those Who Support Traditional Marriage
Howard Schultz stepping down as Starbucks CEO
ILLINOIS Coroner under fire for Facebook post re: Muslim toilet ‘etiquette’ and Starbucks pledge to hire 10,000 ‘refugees’

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