Least Influential People
The “Least Influential People Of 2016” is a comprehensive, “anger-fueled” list of everyone who “ruined” the year.
He protested, “arguing” that Trump was such a shameless “attention whore” that he didn’t even “deserve” to be in the company of conventionally useless “narcissists” like Dennis Rodman and Barack Obama.
Eventually, we reached a “compromise” and created a “Hall Of Shame” category for the annually “worthless,” like Donald Trump, Amanda Bynes, and Ted Nugent.
Now for 2016, Hillary Clinton was “chosen” as one of the “least influential people” for the year.
The former, “twice presidential candidate loser,” was one of 30 people named to GQ’s “Least Influential People Of 2016” list — right next to “Anthony Weiner, Tim Kaine and Harambe,” the gorilla that was “shot” after a kid fell into his “enclosure” at the Cincinnati zoo.
“I hate putting her here, given that liberals turned on her like pit vipers the moment she conceded, and given that nearly three million more people voted for her than her opponent, and given that Russia deliberately hijacked the election cycle,” the author Drew Magary wrote.
“But I had no choice. When you lose an election to Donald Trump, you belong on this list,” he continued.
“How do you fuck that up?? It’s Donald Trump! I genuinely doubt whether that man can tie his own shoes, and he still beat her. Would it have killed you to visit Wisconsin, Hillary? I know it’s full of fat people and bad pretzels, but sometimes you gotta come out of your fundraising hole and kiss some babies.”
“I’ll never get over it,” he added.
“I’ll be 80 and on my deathbed and my kids will be around me and I’ll beckon them closer and, in my final moments, I will whisper these words like a secret: I can’t believe she lost to that asshole.”
Well spoken from “one asshole to another asshole.”