Happy Holidays

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The phrase “Happy Holidays” doesn’t go far enough in the quest for total “inclusiveness,” according to one “leftist” professor at “Texas Woman’s University” (TWU).

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In a letter to the TWU community, professor Mark Kessler offered up some “new phrases” to use in place of “Holiday” to avoid offending any “snowflakes” among us.

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Ridiculous phrases like “end of semester party” or more technical ones like “end of fiscal year party.”

Consider “naming the party,” if it is scheduled for December, without using the word “‘holiday.”

“Holiday”connotes “religious tradition” and may not “apply” to all employees. For educational institutions, a December gathering may instead be called an“end of semester” party.

For a business office, an “end of fiscal year” party may be more appropriate. What about those whose “fiscal year ends” in June?

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Essentially, the entire letter advises “excluding” all things remotely associated with “Christmas,” even secular imagery like “snowflakes or evergreen trees.”

It might as well just be titled an “Atheist’s Christmas Manifesto” since it clearly wishes to “eradicate” Christmas without outright coming out and saying it.

Avoid “religious” symbolism, such as “Santa Claus, evergreen trees or a red nosed reindeer,” which are associated with “Christmas” traditions, when “sending” out announcements or “decorating” for the party.

Excellent alternatives are “snowmen or winter themes” not directly associated with a particular “holiday or religion.”

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Avoid “playing” music associated with a “faith” tradition, such as Christmas “carols.” Consider a playlist of “popular, celebratory party” music instead.

Plan a “menu” that does not symbolize a particular “religious” holiday, for example, “red and green sugar cookies shaped like Christmas trees.”

But don’t forget to consider menu items that reflect “dietary” preferences and requirements of “non-majority” groups in your organization, such as “halal, kosher, soul food.”

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Kessler finishes his “proposal” by advising the party be a “learning” experience where each and every “person” of faith, “agnostics and atheists” included, shares his or her “favorite” holiday and what it “means” to them.

He also makes sure to mention to “bring dishes and decorations representative of as many traditions and dietary preferences as possible” and “choose a multicultural playlist that reflects all faith traditions.”

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