Penile Strangulation

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Your wife has given “birth” two weeks ago. Your are “horny” and in the “mood” for some self gratification but your penis “needs a little help.“

You’re in “desperate” need of a “cock ring” but don’t have one “handy,” what do you do?

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On the recommendation of “friends,” one desperate 28-year-old South African man squeezed his “wedding ring” around his penis instead.

Alas, the “dude” was soon suffering from “penile strangulation” emergency as his erect “schlong” turned “swollen and blue.” Instead of the anticipated “erection” he ended up in “excruciating pain needing surgery.”

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When the “hurting” guy arrived at the Van Velden Hospital in Limpopo “four” hours later “accompanied” by his mother, doctors took “photographs” of the damage before “trying” to remove the ring.

“His penis was severely swollen and blue, constricted by his wedding ring at the middle section.”

Hospital staff “sedated” the man and surgeons first tried to “remove” the ring first by the “string” method, but the “swelling” was too excessive.

An orthopedic “oscillating” saw was then used, but the ring was “too wide and too strong” and there was “limited space” due to the swelling.

They then attempted the “aspiration” technique by making multiple “punctures” with a 20ml syringe and pink needle to “drain” the stored blood.

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The “oedema” finally subsided enabling doctors to “slip” the ring off “intact” so it could be “worn” later again on the finger.

Treated with “antibiotics and painkillers” he was discharged after three days.

The man made a “full” recovery.

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The SAMJ said “penile strangulation” is a rarely described medical emergency, but occasionally “occurs” on a worldwide basis.

It has been reported across all “age” groups, but is done mostly for “erotic” reasons by adults.

There are no proper “guidelines” for treatment, and the academic journal “advised” that a doctor should decide on the “best removal method” depending on the “case,” the “settings” and the “available” equipment.

Obviously, the best “method” is simply “the one with a successful outcome.”

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Yikes. Next time you think about finding out whether your “wedding ring” fits on your penis, try to resist the “urge,” unless your dick is the “girth” of angel hair pasta.

Don’t You Just Hate When You Get A USB Cord Stuck Up Your Dick While Masturbating?

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