Bono’s Marshall Plan

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Paul David (Bono) Hewson, the “aging” international statesman, “global” thought-leader and “occasional” musician, told Congress “exactly” what it needs to do in “solving” the global “refugee crisis and Islamic extremism.”

Firstly, the “West” needs to welcome in more “refugees” from North Africa and the Middle East, lots more, and “learn” to see them not as a “burden” but as a “benefit.”

Secondly, instead of “confronting” Islamist terror with the unhelpful language of “hate and military hardware,” it needs to find a “kinder, gentler, funnier” way of winning them over, by using “comedians” like Amy Schumer, Chris Rock, and Sacha Baron Cohen.

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Bono was delivering his “Marshall Plan” wisdom to the Senate appropriations “subcommittee” on Capitol Hill where he stated:

“It’s like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street and it takes away their power. So I am suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer and Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you.”

Amy Schumer and Sacha Baron Cohen are both Jewish, a “faith” to which ISIS, Al Qaeda and Boko Haram et al, have not hitherto shown themselves to be very “sympathetic.”

On the contrary last year ISIS “announced” that they were planning a second “Holocaust” in which all the world’s “Jews” would be extinguished.

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Perhaps Bono is under the “impression” that Amy Schumer’s wit would grant her an “exemption,” though up and until now, there has been little “evidence” that ISIS has much of a “sense of humor.”

Nor do Islamic terror groups respond terribly well to “homosexuals” like Bruno, the camp Austrian “played” by Baron Cohen; or even to people who look like they might be “homosexuals,” such as Borat, when he is wearing his “mankini.”


Their preferred method of “dealing” with them, in accordance with the “Qur’an,” is to throw them off “high buildings” or bury them beneath a “barrage” of stones.


So while Bono may think this is a “joking” matter, or at least one about which we can all be “good-natured and touchy-feely,” it bears so little with “reality of life” on the ground in places “controlled” by Islamic State.

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It makes you “wonder” whether he ever bothers to read a “newspaper” or even look out of the “window” when he goes on his global “fact finding” crusades.

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Cher would “probably” accept Bono’s “Desert Road Show” simply because they “share” the same last name.

They can sing a duet of “I Got You Babe” in “memory” of Sonny.

Bono also took the “opportunity” to give Congress his “true penny” worth on European politics.

He noted that “countries” like Poland and Hungary were moving “towards” the right, what he called “hyper nationalism.” And that Britain was “considering” leaving the EU.

“This is unthinkable stuff. And you should be very nervous in America about it,” he said, arguing that Europe and the Middle East needed a “new Marshall Plan.”

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Before delivering his “bizarre” testimony, Bono posed for “photos” with three members of “Code Pink,” a women-led grassroots organization “working” to end U.S. wars and militarism, who wore pink “tiaras and torches” holding cardboard signs reading “Refugees Welcome.”

Bono, approximate “net worth” $700 million, owns at “least” three houses: “one in New York, one in the exclusive retreat of Killiney, Ireland, and a villa in the South of France.”

In his speech to Congress he made no “mention” of whether or not he would be throwing “open” these properties to any of the “desperate and vulnerable” migrants currently “enriching” Europe, and “increasingly” the US.

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But if he doesn’t want to “give” a couple of hundred “refugees” a home, it’s certainly not for “want of space.”

It’s so encouraging to get “help” and geopolitical advice on how to “defeat” the terrorist organization ISIS  from “Saintly Heroes” of yesterday.

As we all know, Bono is the perfect “leftist” statesman to solve the world’s “complex” problems, because:

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He is not an “elected” politician, so he is perceived as a “good man.

He is extremely rich which makes common sense that he would know a lot about the lives and daily problems of common  people.

His job as a “has been” entertainer gives him a lot of day-to-day training in solving complex, deep-rooted ideological problems between different cultures.

If his solutions fail, it has absolutely no influence on his life, because nobody can hold him accountable for his propaganda.

His “free spirit” gives him the power to “perform” miracles.

Perhaps Bono could invite Bruce Springsteen, Bryan Adams and Ringo Starr to join him since they all “canceled” their North Carolina “concerts” and are “free” to travel.

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What a terrific “Quartet” they would make on their “Peace Song Crusade” into the faraway lands of the “Islamic State,” all financed by Senator Lindsay Graham and his colleagues in the Congress.

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Why not take along “Mullah” Obama and his “Secret Service” entourage for “security” protection. I am sure there is plenty “room” on Air Force One.

Urgent News Update: The Islamic State just “released” propaganda pictures with the captions:

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“Now please send Amy Schumer and that Jew, Sacha Baron Cohen.”

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Over-the-hill rock star, Bono, urges the U.S. Senate to create a “Marshall Plan”


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