New Holiday Tradition

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Jewish “Grinch” Howard Schultz, founder and CEO of Starbucks does “not want your business” if you are a “Christian,” if you are against “same sex marriage,” if you are law-abiding “gun owners,” or if you are not willing to discuss “racial relations” with corporate baristas.

It’s that time of year when Starbucks “baristas” shove “non-festive” red cups in your “face” and making “inflammatory” remarks such as “Happy Holidays” in their stores.

Standing behind counters, “green-clad” baristas serving coffee addicts “overpriced, tasteless” coffee in red cups, without ever mentioning “Christmas” or the saving power of “Christ,” which is one of the most “terrifying” religious assault of our times.

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Coffee addicts are forced to “pay up front” for lattes and cappuccinos as tattooed baristas with “chilling” smiles announce “Thank you…have a great day” as you painstakingly “wait” for your beverage  to arrive.

Another “non-festive” issue is when baristas ask if you would like a “receipt,” instead of reciting the “Nativity” narrative from the Bible word-for-word to “addicts” as is done in more “civilized” parts of the world.

I believe these green-clad “baristas” are trying to send a clear message: “If you’re going to enjoy a warm drink on a cold winter evening, you’re going to have to convert to corporate paganism.”

You’re going to love this year’s new Starbucks “Holiday Tradition” cups.

“In the past, we have told stories with our holiday cups designs. This year we wanted to usher in the holidays with a purity of design that welcomes all of our stories,” according to Jeffrey Fields, vice president of “design and content” at Starbucks.

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T’was the night before November, when all through the town,
No home coffee pots were heating; they had all been shut down.
Starbucks gift cards were placed on their counters with care,
In hopes that the next day, red cups would be there.
The coffee addicts were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of snowflake designs danced in their heads.

But the next morning, outside, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang down the street to see what was the matter.
A quick glimpse of plain red, and at once did I know,
That people would really never let this thing go.

There was only, alas, but one thing to do.
Show the world that plain cups could be festive, too!
Why, when you’ve got them alongside Rudolph and Elf,
You can put all your rage away on a shelf.

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The iconic Starbucks “Christmas” cup has featured several winter-themed designs since it “first” appeared in 1997.

Past “designs” have ranged from minimalist “snowflakes” and hand-drawn “reindeer” to a winking “snowman” and decorative “ornaments.”

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Melissa Click “thinks” students and faculty members at “Mizzou” should form a “human chain” around all Starbucks stores to keep the “Christians and the media” out so all can enjoy their “caffeine” addiction in a “Safe Space.”

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I hope when “Christians” go to Starbucks they will “dial 911” to report the “hurtful” red cups.

After all, the “red cup” video is what started the “riots” on college campuses.

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The Holiday Whose Name Dare not be Spoken

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