Royal House of Clinton

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A message from her majesty…..

As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an “annus horribilus.” The baggage in my suit case is getting more heavy with time. From the days of protesting in college, trying so hard to convince the American people that we want to be in chains, then the miserable White Water scandal, then the suicide of our dear friend, Vince Foster, and then my days in the Clinton White House as the Queen not baking cookies and the right wing conspiracy crowd, and then the Monica scandal when my husband was accused of having an affair which did happen.

So, the suit case is full and, now, all we have to do – because the people keep forgetting all of the scandals because they have such short term memories – we will just move on to the next scandal. The people would be disappointed if we didn’t have a scandal to cover up the policies of turning the country into a socialist Muslim country. My dear friend and side kick, Uma and Weiner, are working hard in the background to make all of this happen.

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The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi–in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next seventeen months I will be traveling among you “as one of you,” to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.

How well I remember the days when the Casanova of Arkansas and I were “impoverished.” After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. We only borrowed $180,000 worth of wares to set up housekeeping and the naughty Royal Guards only let us keep $124,000 worth. We thought that we had earned the right to keep them.

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Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by. During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to “something more fitting.”

So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that we can all live happily ever after.

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Hillary’s carriage drove right past elderly “Everyday Americans” in wheelchairs waiting to meet the “Her Majesty” in Iowa.

Sources for the above video are located here.

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