Stimulus Package

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If Reggie loves my “Stimulus Package” so will you.

Did you ever ask yourself if your “Stimulus Package” is big enough? Do you feel insecure about the “pork” in your portfolio? Do you want to stop your “John” from shrinking at the most embarrassing moments?

It is finally possible with the “Stimulus Package” enlargement. You can become a “lean, mean and fierce” stimulating machine in just days! Satisfy your community’s dream of being a representative with a massive “Stimulus Package.”

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Enhance, enlarge and up size your “Stimulus Package” today! Stop settling for second best, get your huge “Stimulus Package” now!

Recent “discoveries” in social science have shown that, like everything else that the government touches, “Stimulus Packages” can grow beyond its “current” size and last long in a “fossilized” state when fully stimulated.

Forget the old, flexible, trickle-down “Stimulus Package” of the past!

The new “Stimulus Package” will penetrate your community from the “bottom up,” distributing satisfaction equally for everybody.

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Unlike tax cuts, the “Stimulus Package” delivers results that are “instant and permanent.” This is why nine out of ten TV “economists” call this life-changing product a breakthrough in the history of “stimulus” enlargement.

“Stimulus” growth, as we know it, will never be the same.

In a recent survey by the New York Times, 67% of all voters admitted that they are “unhappy” with the size of their “Stimulus Package.”

Voters view politicians with larger “Stimulus Packages” as being more electable and capable to deliver “pork” to their districts. An overall larger “Stimulus Package” also means a larger distribution area, which “stimulates” more taxpayers, resulting in a more “pleasurable” experience for both you and your community.

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And it turns out that “Socialism” is what the Republicans consider so “sinful and shameful!”

Honestly! How can they say that about the “Stimulus Package” so powerful and enticing that we can literally “share” it with everyone in the world?

You indeed can have the Obama related “gratifying” experience. In fact this is how Democrats intended it to be taken, “like a man.” So drop those drawers, bend over and take it like a “party” man. Dont worry, the “jizz” makes a fine lube.

Here are some personal “Stimulus Package” testimonials…

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Harry Reid: I had a weak “Stimulus Package” and I badly wanted to make it bigger and more manageable. Being cheap, I tried tax hikes and government regulations first. After years of no results I realized that the problem was with the markets, which are suited more for businesses, rather than politicians. I was about to give up when I came across Obama’s “Stimulus Package” enlargement. I did not notice much of a change for the first two weeks and felt let down, but in the third week my “Stimulus Package” already looked bigger. After about six weeks it had grown about 30%! Me and my fellow senators couldn’t believe it. My power to control erections seemed to increase as well.

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Barney Frank: Voters always laughed at the size of my “reputation,” but then I discovered “Stimulus Package.” I quickly gained a reputation that made voters “scream.” It grew 50% in just one week and I am a “changed” man. It’s so large my constituents couldn’t get their “mouth” around it, but were still enthusiastically accepting a “oozing” load of warm “jizz” to the face with a smile.

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Charles Schumer: The voters went “wild and crazy” once they saw the size of my “Stimulus Package. I love how they say I “got” pork. I love multiple media “orgasms.” Forget about fake enthusiasm, my “Stimulus Package” will keep it strong, firm, and long-lasting.

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Chris Dodd: You will be absolutely amazed when you see your “Stimulus Package” gradually becoming larger and larger, right before your eyes! Nothing compares to the feeling of having a larger “Stimulus Package.” I don’t know where my career would’ve been without my “Stimulus Package!”

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Joe Biden: Like many other politicians, I was not happy with the unpredictable “Stimulus Package” and my voters shared my view. I always wanted it to be “bigger” and more controllable. I spent many years and “taxpayer” dollars looking for a safe and effective “method” till I finally found something that worked. Before the “Stimulus Package” hit the market I was just “limping” along and envious of those with a stiff “Stimulus Package.” Now I can say I’m “popping” tall with my wood.

Squeaker Speaker

John Boehner: With the use of the “Stimulus Package” I have noticed a “decrease” in production and “increase” of entitlements. No longer are we a “producing” nation! Soon all the money “amassed” will go straight to the collective to be “redistributed” to the masses! With the help of Obama’s “Stimulus Package,” Obama’s “Wealth Spread,” and Obama’s “Snake Oil Ointment” will be so huge that no one will be able to “handle” it! Thanks, Mr. President. Gosh I’m glad I “voted” for you!

Chris Matthews

Chris Matthews: After watching Obama’s speech he “allayed” all my fears, telling me to relax, exhorting me to accept the “Stimulus Package” in its entirety as it was my “patriotic” duty. While it “hurt” at first, the “pain” was sharp and swift, but quickly “dissipated” and ultimately the whole thing proved to be very “gratifying and rewarding,” especially with the compensating joys of “ObamaCare.” After taking the “Stimulus Package” MSNBC’s Chris Matthews did noted some “side” effects, reporting the “tingling” feeling in his legs got “worse” whenever Obama spoke again.

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Nancy Pelosi: The “Stimulus Package” makes me regret I’m not a “man” and will never be able to have the Obama related “gratifying and rewarding” experience described. I guess I can’t have the “cake and eat it too.” It’s an outrage not being “egalitarian” in nature. The size of the “Stimulus Package,” however, is everything when it comes to “impress” voters. The best way to keep them happy is with a “personal” try out. It also provides a longer lasting, more “satisfying” elections.

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Richard Trumka: I am not an “economist,” I am just a Union boss who was “unhappy” with the size of my “Stimulus Package.” I am now the talk of the town, keeping my members “amazed” by the bulge in my “pocket” that grows larger and larger. It was a “miracle!” In just a few short weeks I felt like my “Stimulus Package” had swelled tremendously. Suddenly my “Stimulus Package” was just as big as all the other “Union” guys.

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Reggie Love: The first time I saw the “Stimulus Package,” I must confess I couldn’t help feeling a little “intimidated” by its immense size. I worried about the “pain” I might suffer from something that “huge.” It’s so big I can’t even put both “hands” around it! What if it ended up “crippling” me for life, leaving me to live the rest of my years “limping” about in excruciating agony? So now I’ll just “bend” over, close my “eyes,” and think of Barack and Michelle “snuggled” together in their bed in the White House. Of his mother-in-law “snoring” just down the hall. Of the girls’ “new” puppy. Of my “mortgage and gas” all paid for. Yes, I can accept it, every bit of it, oh yes . . . I . . . can!

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Michael Sam: I didn’t really believe Obama when I first heard about the “Stimulus Package” but decided, “what the heck? I’ve always had a small “Stimulus Package” and often wished I had a bigger one. So I swallowed my “pride” and joined the enlargement team. I’m still trying to “make” it in the NFL and earn enough money to pay for my Obama cell phone, IPod downloads, lottery tickets and “smokes,” you know, the essentials, but suddenly it seemed like I had just as much “money” as those stupid guys who didn’t “drop” out of school. As long as the “Stimulus Package” is available I’m livin’ large and well beyond my youthful “dreams and desires!”

WARNING: Democratic “Bi-Stimulus Packages” may be required in certain areas of New York, Washington D.C. and San Francisco.

If the “Stimulus Package” stays fossilized for more than “four” years, contact a “Republican” representative in your area.

Check with your “doctor” to make sure you are “healthy” enough before enlarging your “Stimulus Package.”

88% of women agree: “Size Does Matter!”

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I have to say this “Stimulus Package” reminds me at the good old days under slick willy “Casanova” Bill Clinton.

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