The Interview

The Interview 01

Sony has decided to pull “The Interview” from all theaters in “response” to the decision by the country’s major “movie theater” chains not to “show” the film, which had been “scheduled” to open on December 25.

“In light of the decision by the majority of our exhibitors not to show the film The Interview,” we have decided not to move forward with the planned December 25 theatrical release.

The Interview 02

“We respect and understand our partners’ decision and, of course, completely share their paramount interest in the safety of employees and theater-goers,” said a statement from the studio.

“Sony Pictures has been the victim of an unprecedented criminal assault against our employees, our customers, and our business. Those who attacked us stole our intellectual property, private emails, and sensitive and proprietary material, and sought to destroy our spirit and our morale — all apparently to thwart the release of a movie they did not like. We are deeply saddened at this brazen effort to suppress the distribution of a movie, and in the process do damage to our company, our employees, and the American public. We stand by our filmmakers and their right to free expression and are extremely disappointed by this outcome.”

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The language used in Sony’s statement does leave the door open for “The Interview” to possibly be released at a “later” date.

The country’s top five theater chains — “Regal Entertainment, AMC Entertainment, Cinemark, Carmike Cinemas and Cineplex Entertainment”chose to pull “The Interview” from their theaters after new “threats” from the hacker group “implied” that moviegoers would be in “danger” at screenings of the “Seth Rogen-James Franco” comedy.

Wag the Dog 06

Sony did not “decided” to pull the film, but told exhibitors it was “up to them” whether or not they played it, but would support “whatever” decision they made.

Wag the Dog 09

The latest note from the “hacker” group, which goes by the name “Guardians of Peace,” stated:

“The world will be full of fear. Remember the 11th of September 2001. We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places that screen the film at that time. If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.”

The Interview 05

For the past two weeks, the “Guardians of Peace” have released thousands of “private” emails, many of them belonging to Amy Pascal and Michael Lynton, and other “confidential” information like Social Security numbers and “financial” information of actors.

After the “Theater Chains” canceled the release of the “The Interview,” a Texas theater said it would swap the film with Paramount’s 2004 film “Team America: World Police.”

The Interview 04

The plot of “Team America,” co-written by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, “revolves” around Kim Jong-il, the “father” of current North Korean “dictator” Kim Jong-un.

The posters “promoting” the R-rated movie in 2004 included the tagline, “Putting the “F” Back in Freedom.”

Wag the Dog 08

”We’re just trying to make the best of an unfortunate situation,” James Wallace, creative manager and programmer at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema’s Dallas/Fort Worth location, told the news.

“American flags and other patriotic items will be given out by theater employees,” Wallace says.

But those “plans” have now also been “canceled” by Alamo Drafthouse Cinema and other theaters to run “Team America: World Police” in place of “The Interview.”

The Austin-based chain says that “Paramount” has now decided “not to offer” South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 2004 “satire.”

The Interview 06

Alamo says that the “cancellation” at its Dallas theater is “due to circumstances beyond our control” and says it will offer “refunds” to those who have already “bought” tickets.

Cleveland’s “Capitol Theater” also tweeted that Team America “has been canceled by Paramount Pictures.”

Wag the Dog

In view of these “cancellations” the White House “announced” today that they will release the long-awaited “sequel” to the popular “dark” comedy from the 90s, “Wag the Dog,” titled simply “Wag the Dog II.”

Starring “King” Hussein Obama and North Korean “Emperor” Kim Jong-un, the new movie also features special “guest” appearances by Dennis Rodman and various members of the hacker group “Anonymous.”

Wag the Dog 01

“Wag the Dog II” will be shown during the “Marxmas” Holidays in theaters near you for “free!”

The White House described the attack on Sony Studios as “spontaneous hacking in response to offensive video mocking Juche and its prophet.”

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Even Michael Moore in a rare moment of clarity tweeted this: “Dear Sony Hackers: Now that u run Hollywood, I’d also like less romantic comedies, fewer Michael Bay movies and no more Transformers.”

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Bugs Bunny vs. Kim Jong-un

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