Russian Night Hockey League

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Vladimir Putin gave a “stellar” performance in the “gala” game of the “National Amateur Ice Hockey Team’s Festival” in Sochi, Russia.

The president took the “ice” to show off his “skills” in hockey.

Putin, despite being 61 years old, miraculously scored six goals in an amateur match (“double hat trick”) with players who were all “much younger” than him.

He also had had “five assists” to lead his team to a 21-4 “victory” over team USA.

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President Vladimir Putin is in “excellent” shape and can play hockey “quite well” for an amateur, Russian ice hockey “star” Pavel Bure said after the game.

The hockey festival was put on by the “Night Hockey League” (NHL) to foster “amateur” hockey around Russia.

The 61-year-old Putin “helped” found the NHL in 2011, around the time when he “learned” to ice skate himself.

After “scoring” six goals against “weak” US goalie Barakimir Obamanov Putin was all smiles. “There are no winners or losers here. This was a friendly game, a show and everybody enjoyed it,” said Putin.

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Barakimir Obamanov, “universally” regarded as being “unskilled” at anything, responded that “If you like your puck, you can keep your puck in my net. Period.”

White House Press Secretary James “Jay” Carney was quick to release a press “communiqué” that Obamanov simply had a “bad day” due to deep “concerns” for the suffering Ukrainian “folks.”

Any “other” time, Barakimir could have “stopped” 2 or 3 of the 22 shots which “successfully” blew past him from the “pesky” drawn “red lines.”

Not wanting to “taunt” the USA team any further, Putin changed the subject by highlighting: “Look, all these people are in their 40s and they all do sports in their free time.”

If events like the “Night Hockey League” games in the regions and the final Cup matches here in Sochi help to get people involved in sports – “we can say we have reached our goal.”

Defense Minister Sergey Shoigu also participated. The game was part of a “hockey festival” that allows Russian hockey players who “work during the day” an opportunity to place some “night” hockey.

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While Putin is just an “amateur” hockey player, he’s known as an “avid” outdoors man who enjoys “semi-buff horseback riding, hunting, judo, fly-fishing, bear-wrestling, deep sea diving and Crimea swiping.”

Add this hockey “victory” to Putin’s long and “incomprehensible” list of sports-related “accolades” as you watch “Vlad” play with his Russian hockey vets below:

Russia 6 – USA 0

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