Sheep Shagging

Man Rejected by Cow 00

Last September in North London, a 61-year-old IT worker allegedly went looking for “love in all the wrong places”. So wrong in fact, that he wound up in Wood Green Crown Court in front of a jury that reportedly was less than sympathetic to the man’s “fruitless” search for loving companionship.

You see, jurors were told the story of Paul Lovell who was spotted by a picnicking couple September 4, allegedly attempting to have “intercourse with a sheep” near the Tottenham Hotspur training ground in north London. The court heard powerful testimony in which witnesses placed Lovell 250 yards away from their picnic “laying on the floor, taking his shorts off,” near a line of trees before getting busy “buggering” the sheep.

Jurors took their civic duty with the “utmost” seriousness, until they heard the reason Mr. Lovell turned his “affections” toward the sheep. They broke into fits of laughter after hearing that a cow “rejected” his attempts  to procure “fellatio of the bovine” variety. When cows would not “fellate” him, the court was told that the accused decided to “try his luck with some sheep.” 

Rather than admiring his “can do spirit”, the jury erupted in laughter invoking a warning from Judge James Patrick who said “I well understand there are aspects of the case that are unusual and amusing. If you do find the case particularly funny, if you can try to get over your laughter over lunch that would be great.”

Prosecutors had previously dropped a charge of “indecent exposure” due to lack of evidence but adjusted the wording of a second charge of outraging public indecency to include “fellatio with a cow.” 

Lovell is currently on bail with the condition that he “not return to the place of his alleged romp.”

Man Rejected by Cow 02

This brings up the phenomena is “sheep fuckery a myth? The answer is a resounding “No.” From the Yorkshire moors to Americas deep south to as far as the far east stories of “sex with animals” pass around like “barn yard” smells.

I have read that in many Middle Eastern countries it is “prohibited” to eat the sheep you had sex with. A person who decided to eat this sheep is making a “deadly sin”, and will never get into paradise to “enjoy” his 70 virgins.

In Lebanon, men are officially “allowed” to have sex with animals. Yet, an important restriction is applied: “the animal must be female.” For sex with male animals “death penalty” can be imposed. Cheeky.

A man from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht, the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having “sex with a sheep.” But the case was “thrown out” of court as the sheep couldn’t take to the stand to “testify it didn’t want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.” Under Dutch law, “bestiality” is not a crime unless it can be proved “the animal didn’t want to have sex.”

So here we have but three examples of “sexual intercourse” with animals written in law. A “myth” it is most definitely not.

That begs the question what “percentage of the world’s population” has had or is having regular or indeed irregular “sexual contact with sheep.” Specifically sheep, no hogs, bulls, horses, antelope, bison or any other creature, just sheep.

The answer I can tell you as given by the UK Sunday Sport Newspaper and clarified by Wikipedia is that a staggering “1 in 1000” of the world’s population has “tapped” a sheep’s ass. That is 6, 692, 030,28 people worldwide who are not content with just “eating” lamb or wearing woolly” socks. Incidentally this is the “combined population” of Wales and New Zealand.

With so many people in the world “shacking” up with sheep should we be more tolerant towards those that “indulge” in such practices? Are the actions of “sheep shaggers” shameful or should we accept them as harmless “life choice or sexual preference?” Can we not just leave the relationship between “loving man and sheep” be as is?”

Man Rejected by Cow 01

Well herein lies the problem. You see although sheep aren’t stupid they cannot “vocalize a choice” in who or what decides to  “hump” them. Hence the action of attempting intercourse with the sheep is fundamentally “one sided” and purely sexually driven and based on these facts “ultimately” wrong.

Even though some “sheep shaggers do express emotions of “love to their sheep” this love cannot be reciprocated. Or can it? Perhaps the Jury is still out on this issue.

I mean if a sheep can “memorize” other sheep and even humans and  express “emotions of fear” could it not also express “pleasure?” Is it completely out of the “realms of reality” to envision a sheep spontaneously “bound” across a field to its owner, pivot round, pushing its backside up towards the skies and “bleat profusely to be pleasured.” Would this be consent?

Well there is currently no conclusive “evidence or studies” to prove this theory so until there is, “sheep shagging and bestiality” of any kind will remain a largely “criminal activity” kept behind closed barn doors.

Man Rejected by Cow 04

Nothing wrong with anal sex as long as it’s with sheep…

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