The First Thanksgiving

The First Thanksgiving: The Korrekt Version

Many, many years ago, long before “white men and women” had even begun to see the “errors” of their various “racist” ways, the Pilgrims came from Europe to occupy North America.

They were not very “FORWARD!” in their ways, and as typically happens to a so-called “civilization” when it’s based on “capitalism,” the Pilgrims began to starve.

Their peaceful and friendly neighboring “Native American” collective – in spite of the Pilgrims’ “racist” encroachment upon their sacred land – took “pity” upon the starving Pilgrims one “Thursday in November” and brought them “bountiful food and drink,” including several turkeys, although the Native Americans didn’t eat the turkeys themselves, due to their being peaceful vegans who respect all Life.

The Native American collective had, of course, more “food” than they could “eat,” as is always the case when you spread the “wealth” around, so they gladly donated some of their bounty to the poor “capitalist” Pilgrims, who otherwise were in great danger of starving to death.

As the years went by, and the Pilgrims branched out to occupy more and more Native American land – “slaughtering the peaceful, harmonious Native peoples as they went” – the occupiers nevertheless felt a small twinge of guilt from time to time, and they decided to honor the benevolent Native Americans one day a year, leaving 364 days to slaughter, imprison, encroach upon, infect, and otherwise take advantage of and oppress them.

They called the day “Thanksgiving”, to thank the few remaining Native Americans still living for saving their lives on that cold day one November.

So today we honor the memory of those generous Native Americans and their life saving gift of food to the starving Pilgrims with a recurring national holiday, “Thanksgiving.”

And it is in that spirit – the Great Spirit of the Native Americans – that I here and now wish everyone reading this a “Happy Thanksgiving!”

During “Thanksgiving,” American toiling masses traditionally give thanks to the government for what it has distributed to them. All conscientious members of community are required to experience:

(a) deep gratitude to the Party and its leaders;
(b) unworthiness in the face of the glorious state;
(c) guilt for consuming according to their needs and not giving back enough according to their abilities.

The non-compliant will have their belongings “redistributed” to the more “worthy” members of the community.

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