50 Shades Of Sebring

As the Omaha School Board goes back to the drawing board for a new superintendent everyone wants to know  what exactly were the contents of those explicit e-mails we’re hearing about?

Well, after much “digging” we have uncovered one of the smoking e-mails in question authored and written by superintendent of school, Nancy Sebring.

Reader discretion is advised:

Darling, it feels as though it has been a fortnight since you have tamed my shrew.  When I’m with you, it feels as though my body is a vessel lost at sea, and you my navigator, expertly using your sextant to guide my quivering desire to your throbbing shores.

You, lover, have intersected my isosceles triangle with your perpendicular line of love.  You decoded my Pythagorean Theorem with an algorithm so congruent to my passion for you that our bilateral symmetry was infinite.  You measured up my surface area and then squared my cube, over, and over, and over again.

You defragged my mother board with your hard drive, and took out your keyboard of lust and played the keys perfectly:  “Enter, shift, ctrl, ctrl, ctrl, esc, shift, backspace, enter, O, O, O, O, end.”  My spreadsheet had to be downloaded afterwards.)

You denatured my nucleus with your Bunsen burner of yearning.  The ionic bond between us has caused a chain reaction in my loins that no inhibitor could ever neutralize.

Literarily speaking, it would be cliché to refer to your Longfellow, but suffice it to say that your book mark has been planted firmly in page 69 since The Turn of the Screw.

It is with heavy-hearted trepidation as I accept this job in Omaha.  Thankfully, the school board didn’t check on hardly anything in hiring me.  One of the board members told me I got the job based on a coin flip.  Just like Des Moines!  Omaha seems like a nice town, especially since the expectations for me to succeed are so low. 

I just hope you will come visit me here.  You can show me your Woodmen Tower; I’ll show you my Jobbers Canyon.  (I guess those are Omaha references.)

Superintendently yours,


By all accounts, Nancy Sebring had it all. She had been the successful school superintendent for the Des Moines district for six years and was going to start a new post at the larger Omaha system. But some personal emails she sent to a “male lover she was having an extramarital affair with” came to the Iowa district’s attention as she was about to leave to go take the Nebraska job. So she suddenly resigned her post, without much explanation.

That apparently got the interest of reporters from the Des Moines Register who filed an open records request seeking some of Sebring’s e-mails. I’m guessing they had no idea that they would find the “ramblings of sex-starved woman” who could get “right to the point” when she wanted to tell her lover just how important he was to her. At that point, not only did Sebring lose her Des Moines job, but the Omaha folks decided they were also going to pass and pulled their $275,000 a year job offer.

“I have fallen hopelessly in love with your dick.”  That’s probably the line that did it. Just guessing, but that seems like the one that would put you over the edge. Ouch. Love hurts.

Here’s more of the best emails between these horny lovers. In the correspondence, Sebring and her lover, who is also married, wrote about nipples and oral skills; how Sebring had “fallen in love with your dick”; missing each other; kissing; ass licking; horniness; sexy thoughts; gushing; 69; anal sex; late-night texts; orgasms; dick pics; suction cup dildos; and hands slipped under Sebring’s dress. In another e-mail Sebring wrote about a sexual morning encounter. Referring to her use of a sex toy at home she noted “There is a point, on my way to an orgasm, that I absolutely crave a long, hard cock being thrust into me…and I have to do without it.”

You go girl! Glad you finally found someone to awaken that “sexual beast lying within.” What a privileged dude!

Schools Boss Is Sacked Over Explicit E-Mails

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