Flavored Dicks

Word that Durex was rolling out a “pumpkin-spice-flavored” condom swept recently through the social media.

The autumnal-themed birth control may well be just an internet invention, a riff on Starbucks’ wildly popular coffee drink.

The photo appears to be an “altered” version of Durex’s flavored “Taste Me” range of condoms, which come in apple, strawberry, banana and orange, but not yet pumpkin.

There have been no “corporate” announcements about any new offering. Several emails to Durex’s parent company, Reckitt Benckiser, and Virgo Health, the PR company that handles communications for Durex, didn’t yield a “conclusive” answer.

A spokeswoman for Virgo Health said she couldn’t say whether the company “was or was not” actually developing such a thing. In a tweet, Durex issued a “coy denial” of the rumor:

The whole notion of “flavored condoms” is a completely absurd idea. No man wants to encourage his partner to give them a “blow job” through a rubber.

On the other hand, girls are known to love “pumpkin spice” and would go wild for them, demanding that you “wrap your nozzle” for a blow job just so they can get their “pumpkin” spice fix.

From a business “decision” this would be a great idea. It obviously started as a joke but clearly Durex has to see the “buzz” it got and just go ahead and start producing these things.

Fruit flavored condoms, Pumpkin Spice condoms, Chocolate condoms, Guacamole condoms, Cheese condoms and Scotch Whiskey flavored condoms are all in high demand.

For the various Muslim women around the world who provide “sexual comfort” to maintain the morale of jihadists of the “Islamic State” bacon dipped condoms are highly recommended.

Chicks will start “buying” those condoms in bulk. Hitting up the 36-pack “economy” boxes. Can’t imagine “cinnamon spice” during regular pussy sex is exactly “enjoyable” but we all know chicks get downright “irrational” when it comes to “pumpkin spiced” flavors.

As aforementioned, as a man, the “last” thing we want are condoms to be more “appealing” to chicks. Basically a man’s main “quest in life” is to get chicks to “avoid” using condoms. Maybe what we need to do is just make our “dicks” pumpkin flavored.

Cut out the condom “middle” man and just sprinkle “cinnamon and nutmeg” all over your “candy cane.” “Hey babe can I get some head?” “No I’m tired.” But my dick is pumpkin flavored!

“Puts dick promptly in mouth.” It’s as simple as that. Just smother your “boner” in guacamole or melted fondue cheese and let the chicks go nuts.

Hottest trend in 2015 …“Flavored Dicks.”