difficult time with the subject of sex…

For some reason, our western society has a very difficult time with the subject of sex. We are a repressed people when confronted with this very natural subject. I think perhaps some of the puritan energies that landed here, oh so many years ago, still linger. Interest in sex comes early. Even earlier comes the suppression of such urges.

From our youth, physical expressions of love and intimacy are hidden. We are raised without seeing many natural expressions of the physical. How, then, can we integrate such into our daily lives? When you are brought up thinking that sex is dirty and wrong, how can you have a healthy idea of the whole subject?

While it is possible for many people to enjoy sex in a casual manner, I will go out on the proverbial limb here and expound that the best sex is to be had in a “healthy relationship.” Sex is a very intimate action. No other time do two human beings become more open with each other than during the act of sex. This, in itself, is a subject for discussion.

For a woman, the sex act is a very opening event. They open their bodies up to their partner. They allow them inside, both physically and emotionally. You cannot get much more personal than that. What some of us men fail to realize is that we do, indeed, have an emotional reaction to sex, even if we go into it with only the physical satisfaction in mind.

I have heard it said that a woman has sex because she is in love and a man falls in love because he has sex. That is a very telling statement. Regardless of how it starts out, ultimately, a woman exposes herself in order to have sex. It is not uncommon for a woman to convince herself that she loves her partner in order to appeal to that guilt that she may feel after the fact.

This happens more then we may wish to admit. Girls give into our sexual needs only to be filled with guilt. After all, good girls do not have sex with just anyone. Good girls only make love, they do not fornicate. Why is it that women are not allowed to enjoy sex? This, again, goes back to some very early beliefs.

In the olden days, as I like to say, one could only be sure of a child’s mother. Lineage was thus traced back through the bloodline of the mother. As times changed and male dominancy came into play, the father’s heritage became more important. With that, women were not only expected to be virgins upon marriage, but they also could easily be put to death if they were not. Risking one’s life for sex could put a damper on your libido.

As more and more time went by, women who had sex with anyone other than their husband were sluts, whores, wanton women. However, if men had mistresses here and there, they were simply men and we could expect nothing less from them. It was expected for men to have sex with other women. In some ways, this was to preserve the wife in that untarnished form. Yes, they could have sex with their husband for procreation, but they should not enjoy it. Men are men and therefore, sex can be enjoyed, it is the nature of the beast.

Fast forward to modern day: Many men still manage to have sex without a great deal of guilt. Women still feel like a slut or a whore or a wanton woman if they have sex. Thus, they convince themselves that they are in love with their partner in order to be a good girl. I am of the opinion that many women have married men they did not belong with in order to fulfill this “good girl” fantasy.

Sex is a very natural and very important part of the human being’s life. To suppress this is to suppress a vital part of ourselves. With sex, there is emotional response, for both men and women. If we suppress our emotions in everyday life, we will tend to do the same when it comes to sex. I might, however, hazard a guess that when it comes to sexual repression, women tend to be less responsive then men. This, in my opinion, goes back to our ancestral conditioning that it is okay for men to enjoy sex but not for women.

Women have gone out of their way to establish their rights as equals to men in every forum it seems except sex. If you felt totally safe and completely without guilt, what would you do where sex is concerned? I am not advocating unsafe sex. Our society has come to a place where we need to take certain precautions for our physical health. However, using all methods to protect yourself from any diseases and other danger, what would you do?

I do not think that we allow ourselves fantasies as much as we could. Have you noticed that women often read romance novels? Again, we return to the love versus sex syndrome. It is okay for a woman to make love but not to have sex. When we finally do find someone with whom we share both love and intimacy, there can be a “carrying over” of the repression that was so prominent in our previous sex life.

I have found that very often we need permission to do something or to feel something or to think something. I know, it sounds a little silly, but play along with me on this one. This message is for all men and women. It is okay to enjoy sex. Did I hear gasps of disbelief out there? One reason so many people do not enjoy sex is simply because they are so repressed about not only the sex, but their own emotions involved in the subject.

Sex is good and pleasurable. Sex is NOT bad or dirty. That being said, the best sex to be had is when you have found that person with whom you feel completely safe sharing your thoughts and emotions. Sex stirs emotions. There is no escaping that part of it. If you are with someone with whom you feel safe, and then any emotional response to the sex will also be safe to share, discuss and otherwise explore.

That inner self is very exposed during sex. If we are trying to hide whom we are inside, it is a good bet that we also will be somewhat sexually inhibited. Quite often pursuing sexual gratification is an attempt to be accepted for whom we are inside. Do you see the direction this can take? If you are not comfortable with who you are you can either repress your sexuality or pursue it with such reckless abandon that you risk your health and emotional well-being in order to access that intimacy which is better touched in a safer mode.

Sex is a very complicated thing and yet it is so very simple and natural. It can be our best friend and a way to reach places not otherwise accessible, or it can be one of our greatest antagonists. How we approach sex is what can make all the difference.

Sometimes we need help from someone else. Sometimes all it takes is spending some time being honest with ourselves about our motivations and reasons for the manner in which we deal with the idea of sex. I hope for all that read this that you will take the time to find a way toward a healthy and open sexual life, whether with a trusted partner or alone. The mysteries of life itself begin with sex. Perhaps some of those mysteries are there to help us on our journey in this life in a way we have not before considered.